kat_lair: (GUARDIAN RPF - BY)
[personal profile] kat_lair
***

Title: kiss by kiss (i cover your tiny infinity)
Author:  [personal profile] kat_lair / Mistress Kat
Fandom: Guardian RPF
Pairing: Bai Yu/Zhu Yilong
Rating: G
Word count: 737
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing
 
Summary:
The problem, as usual, is not the knowing, but the doing. Bai Yu knows he shouldn’t do this. Bai Yu does it anyway.
 
Author notes: This was written for [personal profile] undeadrobins' Kissathon and [personal profile] fangirlishness' prompt 'blushing cutely', except this turned out to be less cute and more ~feelings~ Title from Pablo Neruda. Posted on AO3 at the time but because I also like to have my fics on my DW, here it is.

kiss by kiss (i cover your tiny infinity)
on AO3


The problem, as usual, is not the knowing, but the doing. Bai Yu knows he shouldn’t do this. Bai Yu does it anyway.

He kisses Zhu Yilong’s cheek in greeting and in goodbye, an arm slung casually over his shoulders in the mornings, wrapped into a tighter hug in the evenings. He kisses Zhu Yilong’s forehead when he seems worn out, claiming to check for a temperature. He kisses the thin skin under his eyes, pretending to blow off a stray eyelash. He kisses the back of his hand like a gallant knight, throwing in a flourished bow, just to make him laugh. Once, on the way back to the hotel after a long day, slumped over each other in the backseat, privacy windows up and tinted, Bai Yu kisses the inside of Zhu Yilong’s wrist, for reasons he can’t quite articulate, not even to himself.

The memory of the rapid beat of Zhu Yilong’s pulse against his lips lingers, like a phantom flutter of wings.

That alone tells him it’s perhaps time to stop. But he can’t. Because every time Bai Yu kisses him, Zhu Yilong’s skin flushes delicate pink, heating under Bai Yu’s lips like cherry blossoms in the sun.

Bai Yu is addicted. He kisses Zhu Yilong to celebrate a successful scene, to commiserate a take gone less well. He kisses Zhu Yilong to reward the occasions he comes out of his shell and goofs around with the rest of the cast, and to tell him it’s okay when he withdraws in search of solitude. He kisses Zhu Yilong on his shoulder, the back of his neck, the corner of his jaw. He lands big smacking kisses on his cheeks and delicate, fleeting ones on his hairline.

He waits for Zhu Yilong to stop him. He waits for Zhu Yilong to ask why.

Zhu Yilong doesn’t. He blushes every time, mouth open, eyes wide, flustered and laughing or tiredly fond, depending on the time of day. He lets Bai Yu into his personal space whilst keeping his distance from everyone else. He lets Bai Yu see him dishevelled and imperfect when they are alone and Bai Yu sways forward helplessly, fingers coming up to mess Zhu Yilong’s hair even more, as he drops a kiss to the corner of his mouth (close, too close) and tells him to get some sleep.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing any more. Maybe he never did.

Maybe he’s lying to himself.

Last week of the shoot and Bai Yu is shaking. Not outwardly, no. Outwardly he’s all wide grins and jokes and loud plans for epic parties during the promo tour. Inside, he’s coming apart; a deep tremor of something like fear, something like desperation. He pretends he doesn’t know what it means and kisses the side of Zhu Yilong’s head in passing.

Zhu Yilong’s gaze, as warm as the blush on his face, follows him across the set. Bai Yu pretends not to notice.

That night Zhu Yilong finally stops him. They’ve spent the evening in Zhu Yilong’s hotel room, mostly talking and messing around on their phones while a movie plays in the background. When the credits roll, Bai Yu gets off the bed, making noises about heading to his own. He bends down to brush his customary good night kiss over Zhu Yilong’s cheek, but never makes contact.

Zhu Yilong’s hand comes up, splayed over Bai Yu’s chest and pushes him away.

Bai Yu stumbles backwards, more from the surprise than any actual force.

“What?” he asks. Except he knows what. The shaking inside him spills outward. He knits his fingers together to hide the way they tremble.

Zhu Yilong gets to his feet as well, standing close enough that Bai Yu has to suppress an urge to back away.

Stop,” Zhu Yilong says. He catches Bai Yu’s hands in one of his. “Enough running away.” His other hand comes up to cup the side of Bai Yu’s face and he exhales, sharp and shuddery, heart slamming into an overdrive in his chest. “You can have this,” Zhu Yilong says. “It’s okay, Bai Yu, you can—”

Bai Yu leans over and kisses him on the mouth. Their lips part, catch, and come back together again, and again, unbearably sweet and slow. Bai Yu makes a noise like a sob, relieved and terrified in equal measure, and finally, finally lets Zhu Yilong kiss him back.

***

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