kat_lair: (KINK - details and insight)
[personal profile] kat_lair
So, a while ago [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666  and I were talking about bad fic and purple prose and what god awful sex scenes some so called “professional” (read: published) authors write. Then, because she’s a sadistic bitch who enjoys torturing her friends, she started writing fic. Bad femmeslash to be exact.  And by god it was awful. But also funny. And kinda brilliant, in a really really sick way.

So. Share my pain, people. Experience the rustling of Aldi carrier bags, the glittery coconut lube, the hot pinkness of velvety love tunnel... Experience THE TREASURE HOUSE OF FEMALENESS! (f/f, d/s, warnings for fisting and erm, penguin noises)

EDIT: Please leave all comments, adulation and hysterical sobbing on [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666 's journal. She wrote it, she can deal with the fall out... :D

EDIT2: [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666 IS NOW SPAMMING ME WITH PHOTOS OF PENGUINS HAVING SEX, SOMEONE MAKE HER STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD *whimpers brokenly*

on 2009-01-15 09:43 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] precious-rosie.livejournal.com
OMG! My eyes! My eyes! Hahahahahahaa! :-D You have to get this sent off for publication! ;-) It's the sort of thing that 'Scarlet' wets its panties for!

I want you to come my pet, my sweaty slave of multiple orgasms. Come for me now; go on. Scream. Let the neighbours know what we’re doing. Cry out your surrender. Come for me. Now!”

*picks self up from floor laughing* I'm surprised the neighbours could hear anything considering all the talking she is doing!

"hot pink love tunnel" indeed! :-D

Priceless! :-)

on 2009-01-15 09:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
It is indeed hilarity and blindness inducing... I'm glad you have shared in the pain/awesomeness but I think [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666 would appreciate it if you could leave this comment on her post? Since it was her fic... :)

on 2009-01-15 09:56 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] precious-rosie.livejournal.com
Sure, no problem! :-)

on 2009-01-15 09:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snuffkin.livejournal.com
omg I think even reading your summary was a traumatic experience for me

on 2009-01-15 10:01 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
I BETAED THAT FIC, DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT TRAUMA. Also, you should go tell [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666 this :D

on 2009-01-15 10:03 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snuffkin.livejournal.com
OMG I'M SO SO SORRY! D: I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW THAT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR YOU :( *hugs*


on 2009-01-15 10:11 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
I NEEDED SO MUCH WINE OMG! *clings*

on 2009-01-15 10:15 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snuffkin.livejournal.com
OMG WINE! WINE IS A GOOD IDEA! AND WE HAVE LOTS OF IT! it'll make me forget the horrors I have seen ;_; (omg now the memories of all the bad!fics I have read make their way to the surface... oooooh the pain T_T )

on 2009-01-15 10:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
DID YOU LISTEN TO THE PENGUIN NOISES? (nightmares, i have nightmares about those penguin noises...)

on 2009-01-15 10:24 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snuffkin.livejournal.com
OMG NO I DIDN'T DARE TO. I'M SUCH A COWARD BUT SRSLY I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE AUDIO TO THE IMAGE!

on 2009-01-15 10:34 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
;_; GOD YOU SHOULD SO YOU CAN HAVE THE MULTIMEDIA EXPERIENCE. AND SHARE MY PAIN.

on 2009-01-15 10:42 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pushkin666.livejournal.com
pfft. says the woman who sent me the link to the penguin sounds ... you only have yourself to blame.

on 2009-01-15 10:44 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
OMG I TAKE IT ALL BACK!

why? why would you do this to meeeeee?

on 2009-01-15 10:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pushkin666.livejournal.com
*offers you hot chocolate and marshmallows*

on 2009-01-15 10:59 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
*is suspicious but mollified*

on 2009-01-15 11:00 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pushkin666.livejournal.com
how could you be suspicious of little old innocent me ...?

on 2009-01-16 10:32 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Oh I don't know... Experience? Survival instinct? Common sense?

on 2009-01-16 08:45 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pushkin666.livejournal.com
Ahahaha. Well all of those of course.
And your icon is very pretty

on 2009-01-15 11:24 pm (UTC)
trialia: Ziva David (Cote de Pablo), head down, hair wind-streamed, eyes almost closed. (Default)
Posted by [personal profile] trialia
*traumatised just by the summary*

on 2009-01-16 10:35 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
ikr? My reactions whilst reading every part as it was written: AHAHAHAHA EEEWWWW AHAHAHA *gags* *cries* AHAHAHAHA

on 2009-01-15 11:54 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] redsnake05.livejournal.com
*boggles*

*reads post again*

*whimpers*

on 2009-01-16 10:38 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
:DDDD Buck up soldier! Go whimper at [livejournal.com profile] pushkin666 (not that she'll do anything but laugh at you but still)

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