Journal of Mistress Kat

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Time to pull on your sluttiest hot pants people, Eurovision is here! I'll be live blogging so if you are interested the in keep refreshing this post :D

Awww, they made Graham Norton an actual host. Good for him. Although quite happy to have him back in the box too.

Oh, and now people outside Europe can vote too! If you stumble across this, you should definitely check out the acts and vote here: https://eurovisionworld.com/

Tally:
Songs in English As Second Language pfft: 11
Songs in Language That Isn't English Thank Fuck: 10
Mix of Both This Is Valid: 3
Songs from English Speaking Countries So They Can Sing in English I GUESS: 2


Songs:

Austria - Teya & Salena - Okay, this is some femme lesbians being possessed by Edgar Allan Poe, ngl I'm into it... POEPOEPOEPOEPOE. 'gas station champagne is on me, Edgar can't pay rent for me', true poetry

Portugal - Mimicat - Oooh, cabaret vibes. She looks like the morning after a wild night, and well, I'm also into that. Shout out to the dancers, nothing classier than nipples through a red sheer top.

Switzerland - Remo Forrer - Okay, the voice over says he's legal but the visuals suggest otherwise... Right, he's got a voice on him though. Some bondage on the background. Song itself is a solid anti-war anthem.

Poland - Blanka - Here's the euro dance pop! It's catchy for sure and... idk, I like her dress? Ooooh a dance break... And a wardrobe change, how? Anyway, is this a song about masturbation? Because 'I'm better solo, solo, I'll show you what you're missing out'...

Serbia - Luke Black - Oh, well here's a pretty boy. Lol, 'he's into horror, anime and video games'... No one is surprised. Ummm, he is... in an egg? I have no idea what is happening but I love it. Breathy cyber horror? AO3 tags: oviposition, body horror, robot insects...?

France - La Zarra - Drrrrrrama! That is a... big dress. Ohhh yess, this is catchy! Love her attitude and her French femme fatale vibe.

*** short intermission... 'Eurovision is for everyone'. Yes, but especially the queers.

Cyprus - Andrew Lambrou - Another pretty young man with an impressive voice. His guns aren't bad either. This sounds like a gay anthem, something to belt out just before the last orders on Canal Street

Spain - Blanca Paloma - Only the third singer to go for their native tongue. There's a sort of 'calling down the goddess to slay all men your enemies' vibe to this.

*** intermission, omg this little French boy ***

Sweden - Loreen - She's back! We'll see if she takes the win again. I wouldn't be surprised. This the kind of thing that may take it. Leather straps, hair extensions and talons sure add to it. She's got the voice too. Yeah, this is pretty epic, she be dominating that stage.

Albania - Albina & Familja Kelmendi - A family affair. Very impressive voice. But Graham is right, I do feel sorry for the brother lol. Her parents are really into it tho lol. I really like this one though, has the kind of old world magic. I'm absolutely prepared to believe that she sings woodsmen to their death in her off time.

Italy - Marco Mengoni - Uh, what is this knitted blingy tassle top? I am... not mad about it, only mad that I don't see more pretty men sporting it on the regular. Lovely voice, good presence. If he and Cyprus representative aren't getting it on at the after party, there is no justice in the world.

Estonia - Alika - Self-playing piano? Oh I like her outfit. And her voice too. This is a lovely song (again on the theme of peace and building bridges) but I don't think it will stand out enough.

Finland - Käärijä - I was chatting to mum earlier today and apparently the whole country is convinced we're going to win. Public statues have been dressed in his trademark green puff jacket. I am a entertained, and the song is catchy af and he is clearly the crowd favourite. ALSO HE IS SINGING IN FINNISH! I somehow really wasn't expecting that omfg :DDD Do people know this is literally about drinking and partying? This pink dancer worm! The demon tongue! I am so fond!

Czechia - Vesna - Oh, I really like this. Women supporting women. Powerful, but will probably get lost in between the others.

Australia - Voyager - Electro rock band from Perth? Actually this is Good. Enough that I'm finding this on Spotify rn and adding it to my '2023 Faves', no lie

Belgium - Gustaph - Awww yes, early 90s disco rnb diversity anthem. Ngl, this has gone to my playlist as well, excellent mood lifter! The hat has is a definite Boy George vibe.

*** skit... do you have eurovision dvds? are you complete without them? didn't think so. ***

Armenia - Brunette - Loosely stitched leather really is the look for this year, isn't it. Song is kind of unforgettable, but her dance break is imminently watchable.

Moldova - Pasha Parfeni - Alright, now we're cooking with gas! Look at these motherfucking sickle hair dresses on the backup singers! Need me one of those immediately. And he's not a literal fetus so a win. Lol am with Graham; this needs a human sacrifice at the end. My vote is for the women to slice open his throat with their hair. Look he's kneeling ready for it... No one is surprised when I say that I'm into this.

Ukraine - Tvorchi - I like this actually, but I don't think it's Eurovision enough. Also what is it with the cybernetics fetish this year? Feel like the would have much in common with the Serbian guy.

Norway - Alessandra - Female led relationships is a theme that continues I see. Good, good. Ahhh yes. Not mad about this outfit either. *quietly adds the song into my Femdom FTW playlist*

Germany - Lord of the Lost - The song is called 'blood and glitter', neither of which is on my hard limits list so... Nothing about this performance surprised me. Devastated we don't get this in German tho, it's just not hard enough in English. I hope everyone is appreciating the amount of crotch sweat the singer is suffering through in those red pvc trousers for the aesthetic. Respect.

Lithuania - Monika Linkytė - Okay, I would've picked this singer as Lithuanian from a line-up. Like the staging a lot and the song is sweet.

Israel - Noa Kirel - Pop anthem. Femi-femi-feminimal gets my vote as the best lyric of the night. The dance was good but by now I've seen too many K-pop groups bust a move to be too impressed.

Slovenia - Joker Out - I... Don't actually know what to say about this? Kind of... 60s and 80s hippy glam rock fusion? The singer is very pretty for sure. Kind of looks like Harry Styles? There's enough stage touching to keep me engaged.

Croatia - Let 3 - A satirical anti-war song? The vibe is absolutely pure Eurovision though. Finishing in their tighty whities. Outstanding.

UK - Mae Muller - Huh, not the voice or genre I was expecting. It's a catchy tho. And like, who of us hasn't written a song, poem, or an angsty fanfic to deal with real life emotions, am i right?

***

The crows is absolutely wild though, seems like quite a party :D

Now, personally, Sam Ryder doesn't really do much for me but objectively he is a very good singer. And I support his outfits and am envious of his haircare. Also, omg Roger Taylor in the drums!

Time for the green room interviews as we kill time before the vote. Also, explainers, for people from outside Europe who have accidentally tuned in or have been emotionally blackmailed into doing so by loved ones. Sorry not sorry. Anyway, I'm muting this bit and eating some pizza.

Right, we're getting a Eurovision singer performing a Merseyside song book. Great concept, and awesome execution. Would have loved to see Lordi cover some Beatles tho. A missed opportunity. Still, Netta absolutely smashed it. Also, Dari covering Atomic Kitten without changing pronouns. Immediately followed by an extremely Sapphic performance of I Turn To You. Outstanding.

And yes, okay, I may have gotten a bit misty eyed at the You Never Walk Alone performance.

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And finally for the voting! Well, not until me see from some of the performers that actually made it beyond Eurovision.

Also publically embarrassing the Boss Martin (what a job to have, what a job).

Okay, national jury points first... Ngl, I am muting a lot of this too. Sweden is dominating. Finland is getting some nice points too but not the winning kind. Very respectable 4th place tho. Absolutely predictable points from Sweden and Estonia, thanks neighbours. Special shout out to the Icelandic announcer tho for that gear. Another special shout out to Catherine Tate's cleavage. Damn.

Audience vote... This is the genuinely exciting bit. Yes, Norway deserved those points. HOLY SHIT THE POINTS FOR FINLAND. Okay that got genuinely tense but I was not surprised by the final result. 2nd place is the best Finland has done since Lordi. I need a collab between Loreen and Käärijä now.

Germany did not deserve to be last tho!

***

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YES! IT'S EUROVISION TIIIIIIIIIIIIME! Join me to gasp, cry at the best party in Europe!

Sparkly flag ceremony. Why is there a massive plane on the background, like it looks like the whole thing is about to be overurn by a Boeing? Oh wait, I just got that's the theme..

Very Lady Gaga outfit in canary yellow...

Are they rolling out Israeli singers from the past?

Also,wtf is Belarus guy doing?

Thanks for shouting the hosts names, not a clue what they were.

Will keep this dating advice in mind... On the third date... you announce the winner.

Look at that crowd! So many gays in one space. It is like gay Christmas, right?

1. Malta - young pretty girl... wearing cling film sleeves? Why? Catchy song! Like the background fx. Also want to know how her knee high socks actually stay up..

2. Albania - extra points for the tattoos. She's gone from Betty Boo to Romani Princess? Also points for singing in her own language.

3. Czech Republic - are these boys even legal? Maybe I'm just old... Are they gonna give me any stage gay? That's what I want to know? Very 80s vibe here with the outfits, and they are very jumpy. But the song topic is blah. If this was actually in Czech I would probably enjoy the song more because I wouldn't understand the lyrics

4. Germany - Frolicking ladies! Sadl the vibe has gone a bit 'breathplay gone wrong' in the actual performance... 'i hold you under but you keep breathing'?? I mean is this going to end up in some realisation that 'what i actually feel for you is not sisterly at all'? Oh, very vibey.

5. Russia - Will there be milkmaids? I mean, I wouldn't mind milking him...And bet he would, indeed, scream. Oh no, he's stuck in the glass box of denial. It would be better if he was actually getting wet. I mean the production is awesome.

- random interview with Gautier -

6. Denmark - Automatic points for suspenders. Very sweet little song. Not sure about 'don't get too political' line though. Liked the language switching.

7. San Marino - the fuck? He ca't sing... but ther are boys in shorts. This is not my favourite Na Na Na song, MCR still million times better.

8. North Macedonia - Meh. Just... meh. Good voice. Othewise is not setting my heart, nor my loins, in fire.

- this is the boring bit, the talking, I don't caaaaaaaaaare -

9. Sweden  - He's very pretty isn't he? And he can rollerskate. And croon. I mean it's Bland Pop but like... pretty? Excellent backing vocals but sadly I've already forgotten about the song. Whilst he was still singing it. Would watch these ladies without him.

10. Slovenia - Is it incest time? This is very River and Simon Tam. Just saying. She looks like an alien and he looks like he's coming in his pants. I can't look away... It's like a twincest accident. Feel so uncomfortable. Literally screeched at the half kiss. Gah!

11. Cyprus - That looks like it's going leave welts in uncomfortable places. I hope she's wearing like... padded cotton panties under there. Though kudos for dancing in those boots. I mean, I was browsing Prowler in Soho yesterday, and this is a bit the outfit vibe that is going on here.

12. Netherlands - He's trying to go for that singer-song writer but he's no Tom McRae or Ryan Adams. I like the phrase 'loving you is a losing day' also, good voice. But this isn't the gay party anthem we're looking for. This is the song for three weeks after the party when you realise you've managed to fall in love with the hook up you had at that party.

13. Greece - Girls with swords, already love this. Quite like this. Very Florence and The Machine vibe indeed. Lot of ruffles. Petals... opening... in her special garden...

- boring green room bit -

14. Israel - porn tache! This was the weeing song. I.e. the song during which I went to the loo.

15. Norway - oh cool, Sami. Also, very much digging the aesthetic. Also joiking. Favourite so far.

16. United Kingdom - 'Pride of Hartlepool', okay that made me laugh. He's trying to be so edgy with his rings and leather jacket but he looks like 14 year old theatre kid, loves musicals, has a scooter. He wants to be Travolta but he's Olivia Newton-John. What is he singing about? Love? Brexit?

17. Iceland - BDSM Rammstein wannabes! yesss....I mean the song is awful. But I really enjoy the aesthetic a lot. And the cage, the crawling, the corsets. I think the 'Hope of Hartlepool' is going to have a formative experience with this boys later.

18. Estonia - he's incredibly inoffensive, isn't he? Very pretty. Would bend over.

19. Belarus - Now we're getting some pure eurotrash vibe. Like this wouldn't be out of place in 1995 MTV. Kudos for solid dance routine.

20. Azerbaijan - Already points for getting wet. Digging the laser heart. Wondering if he's going to get probed by the robot arms? Also points for showing off his nicely toned arms.

21. France - enjoying the androgony. Also BBW balet dancer. This is good. Liked this a lot.

22. Italy - boy can clap. Otherwise I'm not really into it.  Quite sulky, isn't he?

23. Serbia - More blondes. Those are some spiky bracelets. That's gona hurt when she backhands someone. Quite like the dress, already forgotte about the song.

24. Switzerland - kinda catchy, but he also seems a bit too smug for me. Like them more like emoting, or idk, face down on the floor. But when he gets pegged at the afterparty, maybe he'll be more palatable then.

25. Australia - another blonde. Also, Australia, that well known European country. This outfit is very Elsa from Frozen. But wow on the stigs. That's terrifying. Much respect to everyone's core strength there.

26. Spain - It's like prelude to 'omg they were roommates' happy poly family fic. And a light puppet! Love it. They're so wholesome.

What is happening right now... Ah, singing each others' songs. Going full circle quite like it. I mean my brain kinda hurts but... in a good way?

I mean... has Madonna ran out of money? She... doesn't look like she actually wants to be there? But also, that space pirate outfit is excellent. It's so cringy though.

Idk who this guy (also wearing a space pirate outfit) is but mate, do not judge European 'culture' on this.

Good to hear 'Like A Prayer' but it's obvious she hasn't sung this for a while... The second number is... not subtle. The bit with the flags is... Let's see how that goes down.

Vote: liked the new system except for the delaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. Very happy about how well Norway did on the public vote. Would've preferred Sweden over The Netherlands.

Also, no one is surprised by UK's position. That's what happens when you throw your toys out of the pram.

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Heads up folk! I'll be live blogging the awesome cheese fest that is the Eurovision Song Contest! So, pull on your diamonte cat suits and leather capes, and grab snacks and alcohol (lots, and lots of alcohol) and prepare to be dazzled, awed, entertained, confused, disturbed and vaguely aroused.

( IT'S EUROVISION TIME! )

O HAI!

I've had a week off from teaching/thesis work so actually opening the thesis chapter draft today counts for something, right? Granted, most I've done today is copy-paste some paragraphs around and feel detached about the whole concept of academia. Submitting PhD thesis before Christmas? Pfft, piece of cake. Presenting a conference paper that I haven't yet written in three weeks? Whatever, I'm sure it'll be fine.

This, ladies and gents, is what I like to call happy-go-lucky-denial. It's awesome.

It also leads to rambly updates.

So, I had a very relaxing week off. pushkin666 and I spent a rainy weekend in the country, drank wine, ate lots of awesome food, watched the Eurovision (I wanted Moldova to win, but was also hugely fond of Italy), and talked about writing (though did not get much actual writing done). On Monday we came back to Manchester, collected dreamersdare from the train station and spent the evening rocking out to Panic! At The Disco.


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No, I cannot be bothered to cut, pull your finger out of your arse and scroll past if you're not interested.

Panic @ Manchester Academy, 16th of May

Dude. Duuuuuuuuuuude, it was amazing. Academy's refurbishment has paid off and the venue is so much better now than three years ago when pushkin666 and I first saw the band there.

Speaking of, this was a very... different gig than the one three years ago. A different band, yes, but what really stuck out for me was how different Brendon was. He fucking owned that stage. Yes, part of it is growing up I'm sure, gaining more experience and confidence, but I think it was more than that. Three years ago it felt like Brendon was playing a part in someone else's band. Now, it felt like it really was Brendon on stage, fronting his own band, not a role he put on. And damn, it was hot. I approve the braces and bowtie combo hard.

You know what else was hot? Spencer Smith with a microphone. Throughout the show Brendon kept turning toward Spencer and playing to him, showing off and seeking approval like a good sub which gave me lots of special feelings. Yes it did.

This person had the best quality vids of the show, so have I Write Sins as a taster, beautifully illustrating Brendon's attitude, Spencer's fiersomeness, and Dallon and Ian's willingness to indulge in some delicious stage-gay.

Brendon wants us to sweat together:



You should also check out her/his vids of Mona Lisa and Nine In the Afternoon. (Oh, and filmed by someone else, here's the cover of Billie Jean they did. )

I cannot, however, not post this one. As SPN fans, dreamersdare, pushkin666 and I were ecstatic that the boys played Carry On My Wayward Son as one of the encores. This is like 6 minutes of guitar porn. Check out also Spencer being hot stuff on the drums, which the rest of the band rightfully acknowledge.



Yeah, it was good for me too, believe it.


***

On Tuesday I poured dreamersdare and pushkin666 into their respective trains and then ambled over to the Northern Quarter to meet up with neppu and her friend who were in town for a gig. Got to introduce them to one of my favourite places in Manchester, Oklahoma cafe, and give tips of other places worth a visit.

Yesterday was at uni,  spending quality time with Turnitin software (plagiarism detection) and today I have pretended to do some work at home.

Tonight I have a poetry reading again and I'm currently trying to decide which of my old poems to read because haven't written anything new over the last couple of weeks. I've narrowed it down to either in babylon they laugh with broken teeth or Such Mercy, second opinions appreciated.

Right, enough of rambling. Later my beauties!

Have wine, fluffy socks, sleepy kittens and the cracktastic eurowreck of a "song" contest on the telly. Awesome. Come talk to me about the ridic outfits and incmprehensible choreography (oh please let there be naked fiddlers) if you're watching live. Or come talk to me about any random things. What's awesome in your life at the moment flist?

EDITING AS I WATCH:

( lets put this under the cut cos it's gonna get long )


Aaaand Norway's won (aaaaw, the pretty singer boy is crying now), Finland's last - I'm unsurprised by either of these points. However, the fact that UK made it to the top five for the first time in... what, must be a while now? is actually pretty mind-boggling. Andrew Lloyd Webber will be celebrating with his cabana boys tonight.

I am drunk and going to bed. Good night to you all. *stumbles upstairs*

Hi you all,

I've been away for a few days so have some bulletpoints of all the really important things.

• RL: still a charity case, teaching finished, research fucked up in need of replanning, work for next term sorted but no accommodation yet.

• I'm feeling slightly emo about... things.  And how there are so fucking many things I need to deal with and couldn't there be just one or two things, instead of twenty.

• Fanfic writing going well, will report with finished stuff in a couple of weeks. In the meanwhile I have an original slash ficlet out. Feedback would be appreciated.

• I've been busy with Crossroads admin stuff. Hands up who actually knew a) about the site and b) that I was one of the admins. *is amused*

• Editon 4 of the Themed Vid Recs of Doom will be out this week. In case anyone cares.

• That DW trailer: dfk;k'agskagkdsadskfsdkljklgdsa. I think it's safe to say that the interwebs will melt from the hotness. Special mention goes to evil!John Simm who makes me salivate unattractively.

• And yes I know we won't be seeing that hunk parade for another two weeks, but no one, I repeat no one, is to malign the cracktastic cheese-fest that is the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST. I mean come on! And it's from Finland! Guaranteed that will not happen again for the next fifty years so enjoy listening Terry Wogan get increasingly drunk and sarcastic about my home country. Awesome!

• House M.D. Hugh Laurie's biceps (which were especially tasty in last week's episode. Why yes, I am that shallow.)  Deciding to spend my Amazon vouchers on the 2nd season dvd boxset. Reading House/Wilson fic. It's all of the goodness. *bats plot bunnies away*

• Supernatural. I am getting back on track with the viewing so excpect reactions posts about 2.18 - 2.20 soonish. No one is to spoil me about the season ending or anything leading up to it, I want to be as pure as the driven snow... Oi! You on the backgound! Stop sniggering!

• Friends: trinity1986 is funny and cute and will definitely be seeing me again. dark_cygnet lives too far away and I don't get to talk to her as often as I'd like, but she will be getting mcbeck at some point. concernedlily helped me with this thing and will be getting a cracky spn fic (it's sort of... expanding atm). planetkiller also helped me with a thing and will get a small prequel for the truth exists for the wise, beauty for the feeling heart. pushkin666 is to be blamed for any and all porn that I post over the next month, she not only enables but encourages. moth2fic continues to go above and beyond the call of duty. And everyone else, you are all brilliant as usual.

• Aaaand that's it. Can't think of anything else now. Stop by and say hi, share a link, tell a joke, slap me on the face...