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kat_lair***
Title: i don't want to hear sad songs anymore
Author: MistressKat /kat_lair
Fandom: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Pairing: Finn/Poe/Rey
Rating: PG
Word count: 4,836
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing
Summary: Tea = love. Even ex-stormtroopers know it.
Author notes: Written as a![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandom_stocking gift for bluegeek . Posted originally on AO3 here (as part of the collection), reposted on DW for sake of completeness! Note that I have not yet seen The Last Jedi so not canon compliant for that! Title from Your Song by Rita Ora
When Finn wakes up, there are five people standing around his bed. He proceeds to freak out in a way that would be entirely subtle if not for the life signs monitor that promptly tattles the fact that his heart-rate and blood pressure have spiked by blaring loud enough to make everyone jump, Finn included.
"Alright," one of the people says, "everybody out!"
The room empties quickly, except for Finn and the person who he assumes is the doctor, a human woman with steel grey hair and even steelier eyes. "Welcome back," she says. "I'm Dr Towen'd. And you've been unconscious for a month."
Finn draws a deep shuddery breath, registering the way his whole body aches, pain like fire licking at his back. "Hurts," he croaks, voice like a shovelful of gravel.
"Means you're alive," Dr Towen'd says placidly. "Going to hurt more before it gets better, son."
***
She's depressingly accurate.
The first week awake is the worst, and not just because of the pain. Finn isn’t alone by any means. He has visitors, strangers coming to say thank you and that they're glad he's up, countless med droids and of course Dr Towen'd. Even General Organa stops by. She tells Finn he can say, that she is grateful for his assistance, and he wants to cry because it's all so messed up, because no matter what he's done or will do it can never be enough to repair even a fraction of the loss etched in every line of her face. He think she can tell just by looking at him how close to tears he is and takes her leave before he breaks down and shames them both.
With all his visitors, Finn is not alone, but he is still lonely. None of the people coming to see him are the two he wants to see, the ones he's tentatively calling 'family' if only inside his own head so far. Rey is away finding Luke Skywalker and Poe is off-world on a mission, although his (their) jacket hangs at the back of the chair by Finn's bed.
Some nights, when the pain meds are slow to work and darkness presses down on him like a falling starkiller, Finn sneaks a hand out from under the covers and curls his fingers into the worn fabric.
***
The second week is infinitely better.
Finn wakes to a commotion outside his door and a familiar voice, growing louder with each passing second.
"...away, I have to..." Poe is saying, talking right over a med droid's agitated chirping. An insistent and angry beeping lets Finn know that BB-8 is putting its argument forward also.
"Poe Dameron!" Finn shouts. He means it to be a joyful greeting, but somehow it comes out like a call for help, tinged with desperation that takes him unawares.
"Finn!" Poe shoulders his way to the room, BB-8 at his heels, while the med droid whirls around, presumably to get reinforcements. "You're awake," he says, "oh Maker, thank you!" He's dressed in his flight suit, hair messed up and engine grease on his face. It's clear he's run here straight from the hangar.
The smile on Finn's face feels like it's going to break him in half. He reaches for Poe, his hand immediately clasped in both of Poe's, warm and calloused.
"I'm sorry," Poe says, unceremoniously dropping to his knees by Finn's bedside. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"You're here now," Finn says. He gets a grip on Poe's lapels and hauls him closer into a clumsy hug, Finn's face jammed awkwardly against the side of Poe's neck. "You're here now."
On the floor, BB-8 clicks and whistles joyously, turning around its axis like a tiny, happy carousel.
***
"What is this?" Finn peers at the cup curiously. The liquid is reddish amber in colour and the steam rising from it tickles his nose with a complex scent that is somehow floral and yet... smoky.
"It's Chirra." Poe sits down on the chair, the same one still covered by the jacket, and makes room for his own cup on the bedside table. "Tea from Yavin 4. My mother used to make it every evening. She said it was good for whatever ails you."
Finn frowns. "She said it was good for lightsaber burns to the back?"
Poe barks a laugh, looking both amused and sheepish. "No, just... whatever. Like somehow everything would be made a bit better with tea. I don't think there's anything special about it but..." He shrugs, rubbing a thumb over the rim of his own mug. "You don't have to drink or anything, I just thought..."
"No!" Finn curls protectively around the cup. "I'm drinking it!" And he will, even if it tastes like bantha droppings. Because Poe Dameron made him tea that his mother had made him and that... That means Poe thinks of Finn like family, doesn't it?
He brings the mug to his lips and takes a tentative sip. The taste is nutty, yet light. The smokiness is there, but not overpowering. The overall effect is surprisingly pleasant and Finn takes another sip, then a third, relishing the warmth spreading inside him, not just from the tea but also because of the way Poe is smiling at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches Finn drink Chirra.
***
It becomes a habit, a ritual even. Each night Poe is on base, he slips into Finn's hospital room with two cups of steaming tea. They talk about what they've been doing during the day, and while Finn's contributions are short he doesn't mind because it just means Poe fills the gaps with observations and gossip and anecdotes. Sometimes, when there is nothing much to say about the present, Poe tells stories of his past, of his parents, life of Yavin 4, flying for the New Republic. Finn drinks it all in, thirsty for the connection in a way he's never been for any beverage, desperately sorry he has no good stories of his own to offer in return. Not that Poe asks for them, seemingly content to do majority of the talking, to bring Finn tea and offer so much more; his time, his friendship.
***
Finn is a few days into his physical therapy by the time they finally hear from Rey. General Organa brings the news herself.
"My brother..." She trails off, eyes going distant for a second, her expression softening imperceptibly until she snaps back into the present moment, her gaze once again sharp. "My brother has agreed to train Rey."
Finn has to sit down, partly from the shock, partly because his muscles simply aren't up to standing for more than three minutes at a time. "To be a Jedi?" he asks. "Rey?"
"That's amazing," Poe says. His hand grips Finn's shoulder, tightly.
Finn isn't so sure about that but he leans into the touch. "Can I talk to her?"
***
He can. The vidlink is full of static but Rey's smile cuts through the interference, bright as the Jakku sun.
They don't even say anything for a whole minute, simply beaming at each other across the light years. Finally Poe, who is sitting to the side and out of direct sight, clears his throat.
"Not that this isn't touching and all, but I believe we've got a time limit?" He glances at his timepiece and then at the door, looking awkward all of a sudden. "I could clear off if you wanted to... talk about something in private?"
Finn blinks and then, when the implication sets in, he blushes, feeling his face heat up. On the screen, Rey looks startled but not angry which is something, he guesses.
"It's not..." He trails off because 'it's not like that' isn't quite right because Finn suspects that it is a bit like that, only he doesn't want Poe to go anywhere because it feels 'like that' with him too and...
"Poe, right?" Rey is asking, trying to peer around the corner of the picture like she is somehow able to move the camera angle all the way from Ahch-To. And, well, maybe she is now. "Poe Dameron?"
BB-8 gets there first, rolling from under the bed where it had been hiding and beeping excitedly. Finn lifts it up and into his lap so Rey can see. The reunion distracts Rey for a few minutes while she coos at the droid, listening to its chattering like she understands. Which, Finn thinks, she might.
The reprieve isn't long though because eventually Rey starts looking around again. "Finn," she says, "where have you hidden that pilot of yours?"
Poe shuffles into the frame, unusually clumsy as Finn pulls him onto the edge of the cot with him. "Here m'am," he says, throwing a sloppy salute, "reporting for duty."
Rey narrows her eyes, but then takes in the way Finn is grinning, and rolls them instead. "I hear you've been keeping this one out of trouble while I'm away?"
Poe relaxes noticeably, heavy against Finn's shoulder as he leans forward to address Rey with faux confidentiality. "It's not easy," he sighs exaggeratedly. "Any tips?"
"Hey!" Finn shoves Poe hard enough to almost topple him to the floor but he is laughing, easy and happy like he never remembers having done before. And the best part is that Rey and Poe are right there, laughing with him.
***
The first time Finn gets to eat at the refectory with the others, finally being mobile enough to make it there under his own stream – the condition Dr Towen'd had imposed – is a revelation. Not because of the food, which isn't actually that much different from what they served to the Imperial troops. No, the revelation is about the people eating it.
Instead of rows of silent soldiers, steadily spooning slop of the day into their bellies, the Resistance base dining hall is full of sound and movement and colour, people of every rank and species and role mingling, joking, arguing, shouting, and sort of eating between all of that, if they've got the attention to spare. Finn stops at the door, slamming into the swirling wall of noise and too many people and unable to take a step further.
Just as he's thinking that maybe another meal in the privacy of his newly assigned quarters wouldn't be that bad after all, Poe materialises behind him and gently pushes him across the invisible threshold.
"Come on," he says, hand on Finn's elbow as he steers him in the right direction for getting his dinner, "You're sitting with us."
And just like that, Finn has a place to slot into amidst the chaos.
Poe's squadron and assortment of other friends and colleagues accept Finn easily, and with enthusiasm that seems to have a lot to do with meeting a completely new person to whom they can tell embarrassing stories about Poe's exploits.
Poe protests and groans in all the right places but doesn't actually try to stop any of the storytellers from imparting their highly subjective wisdom on 'Stupid Stuff That Dameron Done', and his eyes are clear and happy every time they find Finn's. Which they do a lot.
There's another refectory related revelation as well that takes Finn by surprise. After they've eaten, Poe says "Let's get a drink", and leads Finn toward the long table set to the side of the room. Finn is expecting the large metal containers with caf and indeed there are several of them, people queuing up to fill their cups. However, he is not expecting the bewildering choice of other drinks; the rows upon rows of boxes and jars of dried leaves, flowers, powders, granules and so on, each with a strainer, sieve, spoon and Finn stares and stares, unable to comprehend such variety.
"I didn't..." He swallows, finishes with: "Which one should I try?" instead confessing that up until that moment he hadn't even know there were more than two kinds of hot drink in the universe, caf and Poe's Chirra because that's surely pathetic. The last thing he wants is Poe to look at him with pity.
But nothing could be farther from the truth.
"We can work our way through them," Poe says with evident enthusiasm. "I haven't tried them all either, it'll be great!"
Finn wants to hug him so bad it hurts. Then he realises that he can, that he's allowed. The startled but pleased squeak Poe makes when Finn wraps his arms around him and squeezes is extremely satisfying and leaves him feeling as warm as a cup of Chirra.
***
"...kind of citrusy, like what I imagine a holiday would taste like. Not that I've ever been on one." Finn is describing the 'tea of the day', sitting cross-legged on his cot, the holoscreen in front of him.
"Me neither," Rey interrupts, "maybe we could try that. After."
"Definitely." Finn adds 'holiday' to his mental list of 'things to do after we've defeated the Empire'. He's aware that the whole thing could be described as a 'daydream' but because he's under no illusion about how difficult the road there will be, he doesn't see the harm. He may be naïve about a lot of things but war is not one of them. It's just that imagining Rey and Poe and himself on some beach with colourful drinks and silly hats makes him happy, gives him hope. Rey and Poe do that just by existing; give him something concrete to fight for.
On the screen, Rey is smiling at him like she knows what he's thinking about. "It's a date," she says, and her smirk is both bold and shy and Finn wants to reach out and touch her so badly. "Better tell Poe," she adds.
"But it's so much more fun to watch him find out on his own." Finn tries the thing he's seen Poe and others do on occasion. He winks and is rewarded by Rey's giggle.
"True enough," she agrees. "Although it's less fun when Master Skywalker tells me the same thing about some Jedi trick." She makes a face.
"He really says that?"
"Not in those exact words. But that's what it amounts to."
They spend rest of the time talking about Rey's training, and Finn's too now that he's better enough for it.
"Same time next week?" Finn asks before they sign off.
"I can't." Rey looks as disappointed as Finn feels. "Master Skywalker says we're doing something special off-world, but he's not sure how long it'll take."
"Oh." Finn tries to arrange his face into something like enthusiasm. "Well, that sounds... exciting? I guess I'll talk to you when you're done with that then."
"Yeah." Rey nods. "I'll let you know. Or Master Skywalker will tell General Organa, or something." She sighs. "I'm sorry I missed Poe today. Will you tell him 'hi' from me?"
"Of course." Poe will be sorry to have missed Rey too, but the recon mission had been planned for months and a vid date wasn't really a good enough reason to reschedule it.
He and Rey say their goodbyes and Finn wanders off toward the hangars. Not all of Poe's squadron are on the mission and they, like him, are likely going stir-crazy waiting. Better to do it together.
***
Finn and Poe are lounging on a patch of grass between the landing strips outside the base a week and something later, BB-8, who seems equally bored, keeping them company. Poe calls what they're doing 'observational learning' but Finn rather suspects it's more like 'moping' and 'killing time'. Poe is between missions and Finn has finished his initial training, which for someone who'd survived stormtrooper boot camp hadn't been too bad even with the lingering stiffness of his back. He's hoping he'll be sent on some missions of his own soon but so far people have been remarkably tight-lipped about it whenever Finn raises the topic. It's likely that they just don't trust him but are unwilling to say. Finn understands.
Doesn't mean he feels so good about it.
"What's the General doing out here?" Poe is squinting across the air strips toward the hangars where a group of people is emerging through the doors.
Finn shades his eyes and sure enough, it's General Organa surrounded by some of the higher-ups, making their way toward the 'visitor parking' as Poe calls the area to the side of the main hangar where ships not part of the Resistance fleet tend to land.
"Are we waiting for some visiting dignitaries?" Finn asks as they get to their feet and make their way toward the same area, taking a casual, circular route so as not to appear to be snooping around although that obviously is exactly what they’re doing. BB-8 follows them quietly.
"Not that I know of," Poe answers. "But then, I don't know everything."
They settle in the shadow of the building, close enough to see but hopefully unobtrusive enough not to be immediately spotted. Although Finn is pretty damn sure the General knows exactly where they are. At all times.
The deep rumble of an approaching spacecraft reaches them a full minute before they see anything. Once the ship breaches the smooth span of the sky, it grows bigger fast.
"Holy shit!" Poe exclaims, half admiring, half appalled. "Whoever's driving that thing is crazy!"
On the ground, the welcoming committee is shuffling backwards, clearly tempted to make a run for it except General Organa is not moving an inch. Her back is ramrod straight, her arms crossed and the expression on her face is caught somewhere between exasperation and amusement.
The ship brakes at the last possible minute, landing with surprising gentleness given the entrance. The hot air from the engines powering down still tosses dust around, making the General's robes dance in the wind.
There's a short reprieve of stillness during which the welcoming group re-arranges itself into something like a dignified gathering and Poe and Finn inch closer for a better view. Finally, the hatch to the side of the craft opens, revealing two figures.
"Well," General Organa says in greeting, "I see you're still as reckless behind the wheel as ever."
There’s a bark of laughter, and then Luke Skywalker is on the ground, reaching for his sister with an expression of so much joy and sorrow it hurts to see.
Not that Finn has much attention to spare because if Master Skywalker is here that means...
"Is that...?" Poe sounds faint, like someone knocked the wind right out of him.
Finn knows just how he feels. Rey is slowly walking down the ramp, clearly taking in her surroundings. Finn can tell the exact moment she spots him and Poe, difficult to miss now that they are both running full tilt in her direction.
Her face lights up and she lets out a little shriek of joy, dropping her staff and bags just in time for Finn to sweep her into a hug that lifts her clear off her feet.
"Put me down, Finn!" she's hugging him back and batting at his shoulders at the same time. "What are you doing? You're going to hurt your back!"
Finn is pretty sure he could take another lightsaber hilt deep into his spine right now and not notice. Rey smells like a week in a spaceship and feels perfect.
"I've got no back injuries," Poe is saying somewhere behind them. He sounds sheepish and like he's not quite sure of his welcome. "Uh, just in case it, you know, matters?"
Rey and Finn turn to look at him with matching expressions of disbelief and fondness and then, with a brief glance and nod at each other, Finn bends his knees, hoists Rey higher and just throws her at Poe.
"Catch!" he shouts while Rey uses the momentum to twist around, wrapping herself around Poe on impact, her legs locking behind his back.
Poe, to his credit, manages not to fall over despite staggering under Rey's sudden weight. His face is a picture though and both Rey and Finn laugh. BB-8 is doing an excited loop-de-loop around them all, trilling and whistling.
"Hi!" Rey says, looking down at Poe, hands on his shoulders for balance. Her eyes go soft when she sees Poe gazing back in pure wonder, like someone had just given him an unexpected gift.
Finn feels his heart constrict because how can any of this still be a surprise to Poe. Poe who has saved them both, who has given his friendship and helped them navigate life among the Resistance, deserves more than they can give.
"What do you call this?" The barked question drags everyone's attention away from their little group, and Poe hastily sets Rey down.
They turn to see the most intimidating pair of siblings in the known universe eyeing them sternly. Poe snaps to attention and Finn can feel his spine straightening to do the same. Next to them Rey is tugging at her clothes.
"Master Skywalker," she starts, "these are—"
"I know who they are," he interrupts. "It's been nothing but 'Finn this' and 'Poe that' since you arrived."
Rey looks like she's fighting a blush but Finn just wants to take her hand and tell her that they talk about her all the time too, ask anyone.
"And after all that... You call this a proper reunion?"
"Sir?"
"Oh stop tormenting the children, Luke," General Organa says. "They're never going to get to the actual reunion if you've got them cowed."
"They're Resistance fighters! It should take more than one old and crotchety Jedi to intimidate them." Skywalker is scowling both at his sister and the three of them but now that Finn is over his initial jumpiness he can see the amused twinkle in his eye.
The General sighs, but that too is more for show than any actual annoyance. "What my brother is trying to say is... Go!" She makes shooing motions with her hands. "Take this party somewhere else. You've got some downtime scheduled."
Finn knows an opportunity when it lands in front of him – certain fighter pilot being the perfect example – so he grabs Rey with one hand and Poe with the other and starts pulling them toward the main buildings.
"I don't want to see you for two days unless it's a genuine life or death situation!" Skywalker shouts after them. "I mean it Rey! Life or death!"
Rey waves a hand in acknowledgement, grinning from ear to ear.
***
The rest of the day is a whirlwind of places and people and talking and laughing. Finn and Poe show Rey everything, introduce her to everyone they can think of, and Finn is dizzy with happiness of having the two most important people within touching distance. It feels like a constant hum of contentment under his skin, something more potent fizzing to life at the bottom of his stomach every time Rey catches his hand, every time Poe slings an arm over his shoulders.
In the evening, they end up around an impromptu camp fire Poe's squadron sets up outside their hangar. They are roasting meat that is unidentifiable yet delicious and someone pulls out a large, flat pan, deftly swirling a thin layer of batter inside. The resulting bread is soft and kind of sweet, perfect for wrapping around everything else you may want to shove into your mouth. It's a feast, but more important than the food or drink – much of if alcoholic – is the sense camaraderie, of belonging, something neither Finn nor Rey have had before, not like this.
They are sitting together, a little island amidst the general merriment of the evening. The fire is warm at Finn's back, his face turned toward the night sky. Even BB-8 is quiet, seemingly worn out after having followed them around all day.
"So," Rey interrupts the moment of companionable silence. "I got you guys something."
She drags her backpack closer and starts rummaging, pulling out an elaborately carved wooden box after a while and handing it over.
Poe is a heavy line of heat against Finn's back, leaning over his shoulder to look as Finn carefully eases open the lid. Inside, the box is divided into four separate sections, each full of what looks like different types of...
"Tea!" Finn exclaims, already bending down to sniff each in turn.
"I got it at this market we went to," Rey says, shifting a little like she's uncertain about the reception for her gift. "And it sounded like you two were really getting to steeping dried flora so..."
"It's perfect," Poe says, reaching out to take a pinch of the leaves, rubbing them between his fingers and inhaling deeply. "I can't wait to try them."
Finn nods in agreement.
"Hey, that's one thing you haven't shown me yet!" Rey breaks the moment before it gets too awkward. "The cornucopia of teas in the refectory."
Finn can feel his eyes widening because Rey is right! They hadn't stopped for food at all that day, too busy with the sightseeing tour for Rey. "It'll be closed this late." He frowns, disappointed.
Poe grins, his teeth bright in the darkness. "Sure," he says, "theoretically."
***
They giggle like a bunch of children up to no good as they make their way through the quiet corridors.
"Come on," Poe whispers, "we'll go through the kitchens," and leads them along twisting innards of the base until they get to sturdy double doors. BB-8 beeps at them disapprovingly but still helps Poe to crack the datapad. Afterwards, it whistles low and long, and pointedly rolls off, having seemingly decided to leave them to their own devices.
They sneak through the gleaming kitchen and into the refectory proper. However, the long table that usually hosts the variety of beverages that Finn has been waxing lyrical about is empty.
"Huh," he says, looking around but unable to spot where the jars and boxes are stored.
"They've got to be in the kitchen," Poe suggests. They go back in and start opening cupboards and drawers.
It turns out to be an educational experience for all. Rey pulls out one cooking utensil after another, each of them looking like a weapon for the Dark Side. Poe pokes his fingers into every open container and licks it clean, usually with less than culinary results. Finn thinks he should try to be the responsible one here but is having too much fun to care, staring in awe at the giant pots and pans and wondering if he could fit in, and whether it would be worth the potential noise to try.
"Found them!" Poe is waist deep in a giant cupboard, waving a hand behind himself to beckon the rest of them over. "Tea!"
He steps aside to reveal shelves and shelves of jars, boxes, bottles, urns, bags and other miscellaneous containers. It's much more than ever has been out on offer simultaneously and Finn is almost as impressed as Rey who gasps in delight at the sight. She starts sampling at random, opening lids and loosening cords just enough to sniff.
"This one smells like the ocean!" She holds out a small wooden chest and Poe and Finn obediently breathe in brine and salt and something decidedly fishy. "Oh wow, this is potent!" A leather bag is waved under their noses. And so it goes on for quite a few minutes, until...
"Chirra!" Rey holds a dark green glass jar aloft triumphantly.
Poe snatches it from her, eases the stopper open and takes a sniff. "Labelled correctly," he confirms.
"It's my favourite," Finn says. And it is. Even though he and Poe have tried all the different types of tea, nothing has yet been as good as the one Poe makes him every night.
"I would like to taste it," Rey says. It's a statement and a question and a proposal, all rolled into one. Her voice is serious, all traces of the recent merriment gone, and in the dim light of the empty kitchen her eyes are dark, her smile slow, warming Finn down to his core.
Poe exhales shakily. "I've got a kettle in my room," he suggests quietly. His gaze flicks to the shelf behind Rey's head where Finn can see cups of all sizes and yes, a gleaming teakettle. He's certain Rey knows they're there too.
But then again, Rey's question and Poe's offer aren't really about tea. Both of them are now looking at him.
"What do you think, Finn?" Rey asks. Poe shifts a little where he's standing, leaning closer and then back like he wants to reach out and touch him, but is resisting the urge.
Finn thinks he is the luckiest person in the universe. He thinks these are the two people with whom he wants to share everything.
Starting with tea.
"Let's go," he says, curling his hand around Rey's to tug her along, catching Poe by the hem of his shirt, fingers skating the warm skin underneath. "I'm thirsty."
***
Title: i don't want to hear sad songs anymore
Author: MistressKat /
kat_lair Fandom: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Pairing: Finn/Poe/Rey
Rating: PG
Word count: 4,836
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing
Summary: Tea = love. Even ex-stormtroopers know it.
Author notes: Written as a
fandom_stocking gift for bluegeek . Posted originally on AO3 here (as part of the collection), reposted on DW for sake of completeness! Note that I have not yet seen The Last Jedi so not canon compliant for that! Title from Your Song by Rita OraWhen Finn wakes up, there are five people standing around his bed. He proceeds to freak out in a way that would be entirely subtle if not for the life signs monitor that promptly tattles the fact that his heart-rate and blood pressure have spiked by blaring loud enough to make everyone jump, Finn included.
"Alright," one of the people says, "everybody out!"
The room empties quickly, except for Finn and the person who he assumes is the doctor, a human woman with steel grey hair and even steelier eyes. "Welcome back," she says. "I'm Dr Towen'd. And you've been unconscious for a month."
Finn draws a deep shuddery breath, registering the way his whole body aches, pain like fire licking at his back. "Hurts," he croaks, voice like a shovelful of gravel.
"Means you're alive," Dr Towen'd says placidly. "Going to hurt more before it gets better, son."
***
She's depressingly accurate.
The first week awake is the worst, and not just because of the pain. Finn isn’t alone by any means. He has visitors, strangers coming to say thank you and that they're glad he's up, countless med droids and of course Dr Towen'd. Even General Organa stops by. She tells Finn he can say, that she is grateful for his assistance, and he wants to cry because it's all so messed up, because no matter what he's done or will do it can never be enough to repair even a fraction of the loss etched in every line of her face. He think she can tell just by looking at him how close to tears he is and takes her leave before he breaks down and shames them both.
With all his visitors, Finn is not alone, but he is still lonely. None of the people coming to see him are the two he wants to see, the ones he's tentatively calling 'family' if only inside his own head so far. Rey is away finding Luke Skywalker and Poe is off-world on a mission, although his (their) jacket hangs at the back of the chair by Finn's bed.
Some nights, when the pain meds are slow to work and darkness presses down on him like a falling starkiller, Finn sneaks a hand out from under the covers and curls his fingers into the worn fabric.
***
The second week is infinitely better.
Finn wakes to a commotion outside his door and a familiar voice, growing louder with each passing second.
"...away, I have to..." Poe is saying, talking right over a med droid's agitated chirping. An insistent and angry beeping lets Finn know that BB-8 is putting its argument forward also.
"Poe Dameron!" Finn shouts. He means it to be a joyful greeting, but somehow it comes out like a call for help, tinged with desperation that takes him unawares.
"Finn!" Poe shoulders his way to the room, BB-8 at his heels, while the med droid whirls around, presumably to get reinforcements. "You're awake," he says, "oh Maker, thank you!" He's dressed in his flight suit, hair messed up and engine grease on his face. It's clear he's run here straight from the hangar.
The smile on Finn's face feels like it's going to break him in half. He reaches for Poe, his hand immediately clasped in both of Poe's, warm and calloused.
"I'm sorry," Poe says, unceremoniously dropping to his knees by Finn's bedside. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"You're here now," Finn says. He gets a grip on Poe's lapels and hauls him closer into a clumsy hug, Finn's face jammed awkwardly against the side of Poe's neck. "You're here now."
On the floor, BB-8 clicks and whistles joyously, turning around its axis like a tiny, happy carousel.
***
"What is this?" Finn peers at the cup curiously. The liquid is reddish amber in colour and the steam rising from it tickles his nose with a complex scent that is somehow floral and yet... smoky.
"It's Chirra." Poe sits down on the chair, the same one still covered by the jacket, and makes room for his own cup on the bedside table. "Tea from Yavin 4. My mother used to make it every evening. She said it was good for whatever ails you."
Finn frowns. "She said it was good for lightsaber burns to the back?"
Poe barks a laugh, looking both amused and sheepish. "No, just... whatever. Like somehow everything would be made a bit better with tea. I don't think there's anything special about it but..." He shrugs, rubbing a thumb over the rim of his own mug. "You don't have to drink or anything, I just thought..."
"No!" Finn curls protectively around the cup. "I'm drinking it!" And he will, even if it tastes like bantha droppings. Because Poe Dameron made him tea that his mother had made him and that... That means Poe thinks of Finn like family, doesn't it?
He brings the mug to his lips and takes a tentative sip. The taste is nutty, yet light. The smokiness is there, but not overpowering. The overall effect is surprisingly pleasant and Finn takes another sip, then a third, relishing the warmth spreading inside him, not just from the tea but also because of the way Poe is smiling at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches Finn drink Chirra.
***
It becomes a habit, a ritual even. Each night Poe is on base, he slips into Finn's hospital room with two cups of steaming tea. They talk about what they've been doing during the day, and while Finn's contributions are short he doesn't mind because it just means Poe fills the gaps with observations and gossip and anecdotes. Sometimes, when there is nothing much to say about the present, Poe tells stories of his past, of his parents, life of Yavin 4, flying for the New Republic. Finn drinks it all in, thirsty for the connection in a way he's never been for any beverage, desperately sorry he has no good stories of his own to offer in return. Not that Poe asks for them, seemingly content to do majority of the talking, to bring Finn tea and offer so much more; his time, his friendship.
***
Finn is a few days into his physical therapy by the time they finally hear from Rey. General Organa brings the news herself.
"My brother..." She trails off, eyes going distant for a second, her expression softening imperceptibly until she snaps back into the present moment, her gaze once again sharp. "My brother has agreed to train Rey."
Finn has to sit down, partly from the shock, partly because his muscles simply aren't up to standing for more than three minutes at a time. "To be a Jedi?" he asks. "Rey?"
"That's amazing," Poe says. His hand grips Finn's shoulder, tightly.
Finn isn't so sure about that but he leans into the touch. "Can I talk to her?"
***
He can. The vidlink is full of static but Rey's smile cuts through the interference, bright as the Jakku sun.
They don't even say anything for a whole minute, simply beaming at each other across the light years. Finally Poe, who is sitting to the side and out of direct sight, clears his throat.
"Not that this isn't touching and all, but I believe we've got a time limit?" He glances at his timepiece and then at the door, looking awkward all of a sudden. "I could clear off if you wanted to... talk about something in private?"
Finn blinks and then, when the implication sets in, he blushes, feeling his face heat up. On the screen, Rey looks startled but not angry which is something, he guesses.
"It's not..." He trails off because 'it's not like that' isn't quite right because Finn suspects that it is a bit like that, only he doesn't want Poe to go anywhere because it feels 'like that' with him too and...
"Poe, right?" Rey is asking, trying to peer around the corner of the picture like she is somehow able to move the camera angle all the way from Ahch-To. And, well, maybe she is now. "Poe Dameron?"
BB-8 gets there first, rolling from under the bed where it had been hiding and beeping excitedly. Finn lifts it up and into his lap so Rey can see. The reunion distracts Rey for a few minutes while she coos at the droid, listening to its chattering like she understands. Which, Finn thinks, she might.
The reprieve isn't long though because eventually Rey starts looking around again. "Finn," she says, "where have you hidden that pilot of yours?"
Poe shuffles into the frame, unusually clumsy as Finn pulls him onto the edge of the cot with him. "Here m'am," he says, throwing a sloppy salute, "reporting for duty."
Rey narrows her eyes, but then takes in the way Finn is grinning, and rolls them instead. "I hear you've been keeping this one out of trouble while I'm away?"
Poe relaxes noticeably, heavy against Finn's shoulder as he leans forward to address Rey with faux confidentiality. "It's not easy," he sighs exaggeratedly. "Any tips?"
"Hey!" Finn shoves Poe hard enough to almost topple him to the floor but he is laughing, easy and happy like he never remembers having done before. And the best part is that Rey and Poe are right there, laughing with him.
***
The first time Finn gets to eat at the refectory with the others, finally being mobile enough to make it there under his own stream – the condition Dr Towen'd had imposed – is a revelation. Not because of the food, which isn't actually that much different from what they served to the Imperial troops. No, the revelation is about the people eating it.
Instead of rows of silent soldiers, steadily spooning slop of the day into their bellies, the Resistance base dining hall is full of sound and movement and colour, people of every rank and species and role mingling, joking, arguing, shouting, and sort of eating between all of that, if they've got the attention to spare. Finn stops at the door, slamming into the swirling wall of noise and too many people and unable to take a step further.
Just as he's thinking that maybe another meal in the privacy of his newly assigned quarters wouldn't be that bad after all, Poe materialises behind him and gently pushes him across the invisible threshold.
"Come on," he says, hand on Finn's elbow as he steers him in the right direction for getting his dinner, "You're sitting with us."
And just like that, Finn has a place to slot into amidst the chaos.
Poe's squadron and assortment of other friends and colleagues accept Finn easily, and with enthusiasm that seems to have a lot to do with meeting a completely new person to whom they can tell embarrassing stories about Poe's exploits.
Poe protests and groans in all the right places but doesn't actually try to stop any of the storytellers from imparting their highly subjective wisdom on 'Stupid Stuff That Dameron Done', and his eyes are clear and happy every time they find Finn's. Which they do a lot.
There's another refectory related revelation as well that takes Finn by surprise. After they've eaten, Poe says "Let's get a drink", and leads Finn toward the long table set to the side of the room. Finn is expecting the large metal containers with caf and indeed there are several of them, people queuing up to fill their cups. However, he is not expecting the bewildering choice of other drinks; the rows upon rows of boxes and jars of dried leaves, flowers, powders, granules and so on, each with a strainer, sieve, spoon and Finn stares and stares, unable to comprehend such variety.
"I didn't..." He swallows, finishes with: "Which one should I try?" instead confessing that up until that moment he hadn't even know there were more than two kinds of hot drink in the universe, caf and Poe's Chirra because that's surely pathetic. The last thing he wants is Poe to look at him with pity.
But nothing could be farther from the truth.
"We can work our way through them," Poe says with evident enthusiasm. "I haven't tried them all either, it'll be great!"
Finn wants to hug him so bad it hurts. Then he realises that he can, that he's allowed. The startled but pleased squeak Poe makes when Finn wraps his arms around him and squeezes is extremely satisfying and leaves him feeling as warm as a cup of Chirra.
***
"...kind of citrusy, like what I imagine a holiday would taste like. Not that I've ever been on one." Finn is describing the 'tea of the day', sitting cross-legged on his cot, the holoscreen in front of him.
"Me neither," Rey interrupts, "maybe we could try that. After."
"Definitely." Finn adds 'holiday' to his mental list of 'things to do after we've defeated the Empire'. He's aware that the whole thing could be described as a 'daydream' but because he's under no illusion about how difficult the road there will be, he doesn't see the harm. He may be naïve about a lot of things but war is not one of them. It's just that imagining Rey and Poe and himself on some beach with colourful drinks and silly hats makes him happy, gives him hope. Rey and Poe do that just by existing; give him something concrete to fight for.
On the screen, Rey is smiling at him like she knows what he's thinking about. "It's a date," she says, and her smirk is both bold and shy and Finn wants to reach out and touch her so badly. "Better tell Poe," she adds.
"But it's so much more fun to watch him find out on his own." Finn tries the thing he's seen Poe and others do on occasion. He winks and is rewarded by Rey's giggle.
"True enough," she agrees. "Although it's less fun when Master Skywalker tells me the same thing about some Jedi trick." She makes a face.
"He really says that?"
"Not in those exact words. But that's what it amounts to."
They spend rest of the time talking about Rey's training, and Finn's too now that he's better enough for it.
"Same time next week?" Finn asks before they sign off.
"I can't." Rey looks as disappointed as Finn feels. "Master Skywalker says we're doing something special off-world, but he's not sure how long it'll take."
"Oh." Finn tries to arrange his face into something like enthusiasm. "Well, that sounds... exciting? I guess I'll talk to you when you're done with that then."
"Yeah." Rey nods. "I'll let you know. Or Master Skywalker will tell General Organa, or something." She sighs. "I'm sorry I missed Poe today. Will you tell him 'hi' from me?"
"Of course." Poe will be sorry to have missed Rey too, but the recon mission had been planned for months and a vid date wasn't really a good enough reason to reschedule it.
He and Rey say their goodbyes and Finn wanders off toward the hangars. Not all of Poe's squadron are on the mission and they, like him, are likely going stir-crazy waiting. Better to do it together.
***
Finn and Poe are lounging on a patch of grass between the landing strips outside the base a week and something later, BB-8, who seems equally bored, keeping them company. Poe calls what they're doing 'observational learning' but Finn rather suspects it's more like 'moping' and 'killing time'. Poe is between missions and Finn has finished his initial training, which for someone who'd survived stormtrooper boot camp hadn't been too bad even with the lingering stiffness of his back. He's hoping he'll be sent on some missions of his own soon but so far people have been remarkably tight-lipped about it whenever Finn raises the topic. It's likely that they just don't trust him but are unwilling to say. Finn understands.
Doesn't mean he feels so good about it.
"What's the General doing out here?" Poe is squinting across the air strips toward the hangars where a group of people is emerging through the doors.
Finn shades his eyes and sure enough, it's General Organa surrounded by some of the higher-ups, making their way toward the 'visitor parking' as Poe calls the area to the side of the main hangar where ships not part of the Resistance fleet tend to land.
"Are we waiting for some visiting dignitaries?" Finn asks as they get to their feet and make their way toward the same area, taking a casual, circular route so as not to appear to be snooping around although that obviously is exactly what they’re doing. BB-8 follows them quietly.
"Not that I know of," Poe answers. "But then, I don't know everything."
They settle in the shadow of the building, close enough to see but hopefully unobtrusive enough not to be immediately spotted. Although Finn is pretty damn sure the General knows exactly where they are. At all times.
The deep rumble of an approaching spacecraft reaches them a full minute before they see anything. Once the ship breaches the smooth span of the sky, it grows bigger fast.
"Holy shit!" Poe exclaims, half admiring, half appalled. "Whoever's driving that thing is crazy!"
On the ground, the welcoming committee is shuffling backwards, clearly tempted to make a run for it except General Organa is not moving an inch. Her back is ramrod straight, her arms crossed and the expression on her face is caught somewhere between exasperation and amusement.
The ship brakes at the last possible minute, landing with surprising gentleness given the entrance. The hot air from the engines powering down still tosses dust around, making the General's robes dance in the wind.
There's a short reprieve of stillness during which the welcoming group re-arranges itself into something like a dignified gathering and Poe and Finn inch closer for a better view. Finally, the hatch to the side of the craft opens, revealing two figures.
"Well," General Organa says in greeting, "I see you're still as reckless behind the wheel as ever."
There’s a bark of laughter, and then Luke Skywalker is on the ground, reaching for his sister with an expression of so much joy and sorrow it hurts to see.
Not that Finn has much attention to spare because if Master Skywalker is here that means...
"Is that...?" Poe sounds faint, like someone knocked the wind right out of him.
Finn knows just how he feels. Rey is slowly walking down the ramp, clearly taking in her surroundings. Finn can tell the exact moment she spots him and Poe, difficult to miss now that they are both running full tilt in her direction.
Her face lights up and she lets out a little shriek of joy, dropping her staff and bags just in time for Finn to sweep her into a hug that lifts her clear off her feet.
"Put me down, Finn!" she's hugging him back and batting at his shoulders at the same time. "What are you doing? You're going to hurt your back!"
Finn is pretty sure he could take another lightsaber hilt deep into his spine right now and not notice. Rey smells like a week in a spaceship and feels perfect.
"I've got no back injuries," Poe is saying somewhere behind them. He sounds sheepish and like he's not quite sure of his welcome. "Uh, just in case it, you know, matters?"
Rey and Finn turn to look at him with matching expressions of disbelief and fondness and then, with a brief glance and nod at each other, Finn bends his knees, hoists Rey higher and just throws her at Poe.
"Catch!" he shouts while Rey uses the momentum to twist around, wrapping herself around Poe on impact, her legs locking behind his back.
Poe, to his credit, manages not to fall over despite staggering under Rey's sudden weight. His face is a picture though and both Rey and Finn laugh. BB-8 is doing an excited loop-de-loop around them all, trilling and whistling.
"Hi!" Rey says, looking down at Poe, hands on his shoulders for balance. Her eyes go soft when she sees Poe gazing back in pure wonder, like someone had just given him an unexpected gift.
Finn feels his heart constrict because how can any of this still be a surprise to Poe. Poe who has saved them both, who has given his friendship and helped them navigate life among the Resistance, deserves more than they can give.
"What do you call this?" The barked question drags everyone's attention away from their little group, and Poe hastily sets Rey down.
They turn to see the most intimidating pair of siblings in the known universe eyeing them sternly. Poe snaps to attention and Finn can feel his spine straightening to do the same. Next to them Rey is tugging at her clothes.
"Master Skywalker," she starts, "these are—"
"I know who they are," he interrupts. "It's been nothing but 'Finn this' and 'Poe that' since you arrived."
Rey looks like she's fighting a blush but Finn just wants to take her hand and tell her that they talk about her all the time too, ask anyone.
"And after all that... You call this a proper reunion?"
"Sir?"
"Oh stop tormenting the children, Luke," General Organa says. "They're never going to get to the actual reunion if you've got them cowed."
"They're Resistance fighters! It should take more than one old and crotchety Jedi to intimidate them." Skywalker is scowling both at his sister and the three of them but now that Finn is over his initial jumpiness he can see the amused twinkle in his eye.
The General sighs, but that too is more for show than any actual annoyance. "What my brother is trying to say is... Go!" She makes shooing motions with her hands. "Take this party somewhere else. You've got some downtime scheduled."
Finn knows an opportunity when it lands in front of him – certain fighter pilot being the perfect example – so he grabs Rey with one hand and Poe with the other and starts pulling them toward the main buildings.
"I don't want to see you for two days unless it's a genuine life or death situation!" Skywalker shouts after them. "I mean it Rey! Life or death!"
Rey waves a hand in acknowledgement, grinning from ear to ear.
***
The rest of the day is a whirlwind of places and people and talking and laughing. Finn and Poe show Rey everything, introduce her to everyone they can think of, and Finn is dizzy with happiness of having the two most important people within touching distance. It feels like a constant hum of contentment under his skin, something more potent fizzing to life at the bottom of his stomach every time Rey catches his hand, every time Poe slings an arm over his shoulders.
In the evening, they end up around an impromptu camp fire Poe's squadron sets up outside their hangar. They are roasting meat that is unidentifiable yet delicious and someone pulls out a large, flat pan, deftly swirling a thin layer of batter inside. The resulting bread is soft and kind of sweet, perfect for wrapping around everything else you may want to shove into your mouth. It's a feast, but more important than the food or drink – much of if alcoholic – is the sense camaraderie, of belonging, something neither Finn nor Rey have had before, not like this.
They are sitting together, a little island amidst the general merriment of the evening. The fire is warm at Finn's back, his face turned toward the night sky. Even BB-8 is quiet, seemingly worn out after having followed them around all day.
"So," Rey interrupts the moment of companionable silence. "I got you guys something."
She drags her backpack closer and starts rummaging, pulling out an elaborately carved wooden box after a while and handing it over.
Poe is a heavy line of heat against Finn's back, leaning over his shoulder to look as Finn carefully eases open the lid. Inside, the box is divided into four separate sections, each full of what looks like different types of...
"Tea!" Finn exclaims, already bending down to sniff each in turn.
"I got it at this market we went to," Rey says, shifting a little like she's uncertain about the reception for her gift. "And it sounded like you two were really getting to steeping dried flora so..."
"It's perfect," Poe says, reaching out to take a pinch of the leaves, rubbing them between his fingers and inhaling deeply. "I can't wait to try them."
Finn nods in agreement.
"Hey, that's one thing you haven't shown me yet!" Rey breaks the moment before it gets too awkward. "The cornucopia of teas in the refectory."
Finn can feel his eyes widening because Rey is right! They hadn't stopped for food at all that day, too busy with the sightseeing tour for Rey. "It'll be closed this late." He frowns, disappointed.
Poe grins, his teeth bright in the darkness. "Sure," he says, "theoretically."
***
They giggle like a bunch of children up to no good as they make their way through the quiet corridors.
"Come on," Poe whispers, "we'll go through the kitchens," and leads them along twisting innards of the base until they get to sturdy double doors. BB-8 beeps at them disapprovingly but still helps Poe to crack the datapad. Afterwards, it whistles low and long, and pointedly rolls off, having seemingly decided to leave them to their own devices.
They sneak through the gleaming kitchen and into the refectory proper. However, the long table that usually hosts the variety of beverages that Finn has been waxing lyrical about is empty.
"Huh," he says, looking around but unable to spot where the jars and boxes are stored.
"They've got to be in the kitchen," Poe suggests. They go back in and start opening cupboards and drawers.
It turns out to be an educational experience for all. Rey pulls out one cooking utensil after another, each of them looking like a weapon for the Dark Side. Poe pokes his fingers into every open container and licks it clean, usually with less than culinary results. Finn thinks he should try to be the responsible one here but is having too much fun to care, staring in awe at the giant pots and pans and wondering if he could fit in, and whether it would be worth the potential noise to try.
"Found them!" Poe is waist deep in a giant cupboard, waving a hand behind himself to beckon the rest of them over. "Tea!"
He steps aside to reveal shelves and shelves of jars, boxes, bottles, urns, bags and other miscellaneous containers. It's much more than ever has been out on offer simultaneously and Finn is almost as impressed as Rey who gasps in delight at the sight. She starts sampling at random, opening lids and loosening cords just enough to sniff.
"This one smells like the ocean!" She holds out a small wooden chest and Poe and Finn obediently breathe in brine and salt and something decidedly fishy. "Oh wow, this is potent!" A leather bag is waved under their noses. And so it goes on for quite a few minutes, until...
"Chirra!" Rey holds a dark green glass jar aloft triumphantly.
Poe snatches it from her, eases the stopper open and takes a sniff. "Labelled correctly," he confirms.
"It's my favourite," Finn says. And it is. Even though he and Poe have tried all the different types of tea, nothing has yet been as good as the one Poe makes him every night.
"I would like to taste it," Rey says. It's a statement and a question and a proposal, all rolled into one. Her voice is serious, all traces of the recent merriment gone, and in the dim light of the empty kitchen her eyes are dark, her smile slow, warming Finn down to his core.
Poe exhales shakily. "I've got a kettle in my room," he suggests quietly. His gaze flicks to the shelf behind Rey's head where Finn can see cups of all sizes and yes, a gleaming teakettle. He's certain Rey knows they're there too.
But then again, Rey's question and Poe's offer aren't really about tea. Both of them are now looking at him.
"What do you think, Finn?" Rey asks. Poe shifts a little where he's standing, leaning closer and then back like he wants to reach out and touch him, but is resisting the urge.
Finn thinks he is the luckiest person in the universe. He thinks these are the two people with whom he wants to share everything.
Starting with tea.
"Let's go," he says, curling his hand around Rey's to tug her along, catching Poe by the hem of his shirt, fingers skating the warm skin underneath. "I'm thirsty."
***
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on 2018-04-06 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2018-04-07 09:31 am (UTC)I know this isn't a threesome that does much for you so I'm glad you enjoyed the details. And the tea. That was given :D