kat_lair: (tickle my tummy bitch!)
[personal profile] kat_lair

Title: truth exists for the wise, beauty for the feeling heart
Author: Mistress Kat / [personal profile] kat_lair
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Pairing/Category: Captain Jack/the Tenth Doctor, pre-slash, uhm semi-crack-fic?
Rating: PG
Word count: ~1470
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing. No unicorns were harmed during the writing of this fic.
Summary: Jack and the Doctor get drunk and some things are not talked about. Except the unicorn. Which is mentioned a lot and used as a metaphor for those very same things.

Author notes: Written for [personal profile] lolabobs as a thank you for her generosity. The title is a quote by Johann Von Schiller. Beta by the fabulous [personal profile] medusa who helped me get the details right. This is my first fic in this fandom so comments, concrit and fairy dust are all welcome.

Prequel: Once Upon A Time



truth exists for the wise, beauty for the feeling heart

The thing is Jack doesn’t like unicorns.

“The… The thing ish.” He leans across the table, forefinger extended. “I... I don’t like unicorns. They’re too pretty. And, and, sparkly.” He shudders a bit. 

The Doctor stares at him, stares at the digit waving in front of his face, and then at him again. “That’s… ridiculoush.” He knocks Jack’s finger to the side at the back of his hand, sending two of the several empty bottles tumbling to the ground. “And ille… illogago… illogical.”

Jack slumps back in his chair, giving the Doctor’s counterargument his full attention. Well. What’s left of it anyway. 

He reaches for the glass of murky blue liquid, managing to grab it on the third attempt, which all things considered is pretty damn impressive. On the other side of the table the Doctor is doing something with his tie, though Jack can’t for the life of him (or should that be lives?) tell whether he’s trying to take it off or put it back on. He rather hopes it’s the former.

They’re both royally drunk. Thanks to his freaky new healing abilities it takes Jack some serious effort to get this wasted but by god after the day they’ve had he’s willing to work for it. Even if their current choice of drink tastes a lot like Thai chicken soup. 

Jack hadn’t been sure whether Doctor could, in fact, get drunk at all, but when questioned he’d only grinned madly. “It’s not impossible,” he’d said. “Just… tricky.” Which was alright, as Jack and tricky were old acquaintances.

It had seemed, however, that no matter how well they had gotten on in the past, it was nothing compared to the obviously deep and meaningful relationship the other man enjoyed with the concept. Jack had spent the first hour of their epic quest for drunken stupor inhaling as much alcohol as humanly possible and watching the Doctor do something akin to graduate level chemistry with his drinks. He’s still not entirely sure what the yellow powder was for or why it was necessary to measure the liquid intake using a system that, as far as Jack knows, and that’s frankly pretty fucking far, hasn’t been invented yet. 

It had taken a couple of hours of concentrated effort to get to the state where they now comfortably reside. After a while the Doctor had put away his miniature chemistry set, although he still kept licking at the inside of his own elbow periodically. Jack doesn’t exactly feel like complaining about that.

He fights the urge to reach over and take a quick, no a long, slow, taste himself, and orders another round instead. Christ, he misses bourbon, and margaritas. And Screaming Orgasms. The cocktail that is. He can get the other kind whenever, wherever, with whome- 

“There’sh much more to unicornsh than blue eyes and…” The Doctor sketches something in the air that looks vaguely obscene “…wavy mane.” Lurching to his feet, he catches the passing waiter by the tentacle and makes a grab for their drinks. He weaves around the table, garish pink tie hanging from his fingers, vest undone and the dress shirt halfway there, finally coming to rest behind Jack’s chair.

“Never,” the Doctor whispers, bending down low over Jack’s shoulder and pressing the cool bottle into his hand, the condensation making their fingers slipslide and tangle briefly. “Never underestimate something just because they’re pretty to look at.” 

For a second or two Jack can’t even breathe, the air lodging itself somewhere at the back of his throat like a fist. Then he hears a low chuckle in his ear, barely audible over the rush of blood heading south, and that’s all she wrote, because goddamn Jack is done with this dive and done with being toyed with and so fucking done with unicorns that there won’t be nothing but hoof prints left by the time-

He drops the bottle on the table, flinging some money in five different currencies after it, and stands up. 

“You…” He turns to the Doctor who is still laughing, his whole face alight with mirth and damn right Jack’s not going to underestimate that. “…need to sleep this off.”

He snatches the other man by the collar and drags him outside onto the dark empty street. Jack can’t remember which planet they’re on, but it’s cold and windy and the light green snow flakes clash horribly with, well, everything. 

The Doctor shivers a bit as the icy air hits them full on. Without thinking about it Jack tucks him under his arm, where this new version of his friend fits much better than the old one. In fact…

Jack considers the relevant dimensions briefly, before bending at the waist and lifting his companion in a sloppy fireman’s carry. 

“You three-legged Tarkasigan Hog! Let me down this ins-” There’s an indignant squeal that clearly doesn’t get much use, as Jack twirls around a bit just to see if he can before heading toward home.

Luckily the TARDIS isn’t too far off. Despite his new lighter frame, the Doctor’s still a fully-grown man, Time Lord, whatever. And damn if those knees aren’t bony. 

Jack sets him to the ground in front of the blue police box. The Doctor huffs irritably, but there’s a distinct undercurrent of amusement in his voice so Jack’s not worried. He’s rarely worried at all nowadays. Except about that goddamn unicorn.

The lime green snow is settling on them and Jack takes his time dusting it off. He runs a hand through the wild tuft of the Doctor’s hair, fingers coming away slightly sticky. “What, you use hair-gel now?” 

The Doctor shrugs, smirking lopsidedly. “You wouldn’t want to see me without it. Trust me. Not pretty.”

Jack raises his eyebrows in acknowledgement, hands skimming the too small ears, trailing down the too narrow chest and it’s all so different; waist too thin, skin paler than he remembers, hips sharp and slinky, fitting into his palms like they were custom made. 

And despite everything he’s not sure yet whether he likes it or not. Except the pinstripes. Because Jack sure is appreciating those. He feels his face settle into a friendly leer as he lets his eyes linger on the perfect cut of the Doctor’s suit trousers.

“Jack,” the Doctor says, and he’s hardly slurring anymore at all. His eyes are kind of sad, thousand shades of universe swirling in their depths. “Don’t start this again.” 

Jack brings his hands up to cup the Doctor’s face, tilting it backwards. “I never stopped.”

They stay like that for a long time, breaths mingling, while Jack gives some serious thought to kissing.  The Doctor waits him out, patient and still, fingers circling Jack’s wrists lightly. It’s kind of perfect and neither of them are that drunk anymore and really, the only thing missing is violin music on the background. 

Jack feels a smile tugging at his own lips at the same time as the Doctor breaks their gaze, forehead dropping to Jack’s shoulder. Soon they’re both laughing like crazy, heads thrown back and shaking with hilarity.

He reckons it’ll happen eventually, somewhere less perfect, and probably at some highly inconvenient moment when they’re running for their lives and covered in slime. And the crazy thing is, Jack’s more than okay with that. 

The Doctor loops and easy arm around Jack’s middle, producing a key from somewhere with a flourish and opening the door. They step into the TARDIS, the smell of burnt circuits and fresh hay oddly welcoming.

It’s twilight inside the main chamber, like always, but this time it’s broken by more than the steady golden pulse of the Heart. A white glow radiates from around the corner, and Jack finds himself inexorably drawn toward it, finally coming to a stop behind one of the pillars, currently bearing a striking resemblance to a young maple tree. He’s pretty sure there’s bashful vine of pale pink flowers creeping up around the walls, but he refuses to look too closely. 

In the middle of the room, grazing peacefully, its long silvery tail swishing every now and then, is a huge unicorn. It regards them silently for a few heartbeats before flicking its ears and blowing air through its nostrils. It’s quite possibly the most beautiful thing in the universe and as out of place and time as the other occupants of the TARDIS.

“We’re not keeping it,” Jack says, voice wavering. 

The Doctor bumps their shoulders together, hands in his pockets, smile not quite happy but not really sad either. “No, not forever. But for a little while. They’re good for more than decoration. You’ll see.”

Jack sighs, not quite convinced, but willing to give it a chance. After all, it’s not the biggest leap of faith he’s taken lately. Not by far.
 

Fin.


on 2007-02-03 05:29 pm (UTC)
trialia: Ziva David (Cote de Pablo), head down, hair wind-streamed, eyes almost closed. (Torri heeee!)
Posted by [personal profile] trialia
Hee! Okay, this fic is downright cute. And can I take it Lisa's not going to murder me? ;)

on 2007-02-03 05:41 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Thankies! We-e-ell, she did mutter something about getting you when you lest expect it but... Seriously though, your name seems to open many doors and she was very helpful and nice - thanks for the introductions hun!

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on 2007-02-03 05:43 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] moth2fic.livejournal.com
Ooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!Unicorns - or unicornsh - or whatever!! Just for that you will have to look at all my unicorn icons for my muse lj. The most beautiful thing in the universe? Yes!!!

Jack probably comes a close second.

on 2007-02-03 06:11 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Why am I not surprised that you have a unicorn icon all ready just in case I ever get it in my head to write cracky fic with one in it...

Jack probably comes a close second. oooohhh yeah.... *drools*

on 2007-02-03 05:45 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] crystalshard.livejournal.com
Nice story, I do like drunken Jack and Doctor.

One thing, though - given one of the other legendary peculiarities of unicorns, I'm surprised Jack can go within a mile of one. *grin*

on 2007-02-03 05:46 pm (UTC)
trialia: Ziva David (Cote de Pablo), head down, hair wind-streamed, eyes almost closed. (Lizzie omgwtf)
Posted by [personal profile] trialia
Oh, ow! *cringes at mental image*

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on 2007-02-03 06:05 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
ahahaha... yeah I was thinking about that. But the way I've heard it, unicorns only allow virgins to touch them... and neither Jack nor the Doctor is touching it...

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on 2007-02-03 05:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] moth1.livejournal.com
Also, unicorns are well known to be metaphors and whilst they might only appear to virgins in some cultures, there are other readings ...And [livejournal.com profile] harlequin21 will shower you with fairy dust if that's what you need. Extra sparkly fairy dust.

on 2007-02-03 06:13 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
yes, all that phallic symbolism... *cavorts in fairy dust*

on 2007-02-03 06:15 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] inkblot-fiend.livejournal.com
Bwhahaa, Jack giving the Doctor a fireman's lift... the drunkeness... hairgel... the unicorn ... grade A Crack! Love it!

(omg, is JACK the unicorn?! *must decypher metaph00r*)

on 2007-02-03 06:21 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
*dances* yes, I was merrily on high on something...

omg, is JACK the unicorn?! *must decypher metaph00r* - to my eternal shame, yes, sort of. There weren't suppose to be any stupidly meaningful parts to this but then the Doctor started talking about not underestimating pretty things and how they're good for more than looking even though Jack doesn't think so and and and how the Doctor knows he can't keep something so rare forever but maybe just for a little while and and and *snivels*

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on 2007-02-03 08:21 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] claudia-writes.livejournal.com
I've never even seen Doctor Who, but I've seen the Torchwood kiss on youtube, and armed with that knowledge: I liked it.

Not many people can do funny and sexy at the same time. You are one of those gifted few.

on 2007-02-03 09:36 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Not many people can do funny and sexy at the same time. You are one of those gifted few. - and that right there is the best compliment ever. Thank you so much.

on 2007-02-03 09:15 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Eeeeeh! MY story!!!

Hee - lovely. Nice hidden layers and woe and very nice description of teeny, pointy Ten and his hips
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

see - there they are.

I liked this bit too He reckons it’ll happen eventually, somewhere less perfect, and probably at some highly inconvenient moment when they’re running for their lives and covered in slime. And the crazy thing is, Jack’s more than okay with that.

ooh, Thank ees! My very own story :D

on 2007-02-03 09:39 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
YAY YOU LIKED IT! *dances you* And you picked a sentence to quote, how squeeful! I had lots of fun writing this, there weren't meant to be any layers, but somehow they emerged quite on their own...

Also, that pic kills me ded *stares at the exposed tummy*

on 2007-02-07 01:30 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] planetkiller.livejournal.com
*stares at pretty*
Where did you find that cap?

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on 2007-02-03 11:09 pm (UTC)
order_of_chaos: (Lazy-review icon)
Posted by [personal profile] order_of_chaos
:-)

on 2007-02-04 09:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
hee!

on 2007-02-03 11:20 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] pushkin666.livejournal.com
oh god that was funny. Can't believe I read something that sort of smacked of pre-Dr Who slash. You are corrupting me.

on 2007-02-04 10:00 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
thanks! Glad you liked.

Can't believe I read something that sort of smacked of pre-Dr Who slash. You are corrupting me. Does that mean you're of school who prefers their Doctor asexual? And me corrupting you? *laughs heartily*

PS. If you haven't already, READ THIS NOW NOWNOWNOW: http://technosage.livejournal.com/125801.html I nearly died, it hit my J2 kinks (toppy Jared, vulnerable slightly broken Jensen, Chris!) like a hammer of God. She's making a verse out of it, so click on the 'break loose ranch' tag and get the equally amazing second instalment!

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on 2007-02-04 04:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] riva-today.livejournal.com
That was great. Great imagery, and I liked how you showed the edges of how it might happen.

and also? Drunkenness! and Unicorns!

on 2007-02-04 10:11 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Oh thank you for a lovely comment. I'm especially flattered by how you showed the edges of how it might happen. because, yes, that's it.

Nothing better than drunken unicorns! Wait...

on 2007-02-05 09:05 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] entangled-now.livejournal.com
Unicorns and alcohol and flirting...oh my. This is lovely, funny and sexy,and your description of ten from Jack's POV, oh so true and deliciously nice. He does have teeny tiny hips, and there's a picture up there somewhere *points* guh...hip and stomach bits. Lovely

on 2007-02-05 02:37 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Hee, thank you! I had loads of fun writing this... It was good to do something light-hearted amids all the angst I'm otherwise writing. Ten's hips are rather slinky and sinful and the visual are blinding. Glad you enjoyed, thanks for commenting.

on 2007-02-07 01:32 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] planetkiller.livejournal.com
*giggles*
I love it. Ten with his little chemistry set and Jack's trying to get as drunk as possible and unicorns in the TARDIS! TARDIS/unicorn OTP!

on 2007-02-07 11:20 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
hee! I loved writing it so everybody wins! Thank you!

TARDIS/unicorn OTP! zomg it works! *mind boggles*

on 2007-02-09 04:39 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] scap3goat.livejournal.com
*whee*
Vaguely reminds me of my own semi-weekend.

Getting drunk, having dubious discussions...
So lovely. I'd like to read that covered-in-slime-first-kiss-story now, though.

on 2007-02-09 06:55 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
hee! sounds like a fun weekend... Thanks for reading and commenting :) I don't think I have time to write the "covered-in-slime-first-kiss-story" but I'm not ruling out...

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on 2007-11-14 02:27 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cat-latin.livejournal.com
This is made of win!

"After a while the Doctor had put away his miniature chemistry set, although he still kept licking at the inside of his own elbow periodically. Jack doesn’t exactly feel like complaining about that."

That was priceless.

on 2007-11-14 12:04 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
\o/Thank you very much! And you go and quote stuff back at me...*squirms with pleasure*

on 2008-02-11 11:45 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] oneshot-finch.livejournal.com
That was. That was actually very funny and a little sexy. I loved the unicornJack concept and that he's prepared to wait until they're running for their lives and covered in slime, or whenever it might happen.

I usually like asexual! or child-like-empress!doctor, but this story just hit the right notes. I loved it.

on 2008-02-12 11:49 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you very much! I like the UST and flirting aspect of Doctor and Jack but I doubt I'll ever write anything particularly x-rated for this pairing. Anyway, I'm really pleased you liked the story. Thank you for taking the time to tell me so.

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