SGA Fanfic: Transitional Period

[kat_lair]

After yet another long hiatus I bring you new fic! Enjoy!

Title: Transitional Period
Author: Mistress Kat
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Word count: 3395
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing.
Pairing/Category: Stackhouse/Markham, pre-Atlantis, first-time
Summary: Apparently once-in-a-lifetime opportunities came twice for Jamie Markham – and if he didn’t get to keep them both, then it sure as hell wasn’t going to be because he was too much of a coward to try.

Author notes: Written for sgarareathon for alfirin_kirinki who wanted a feel-good fic. I don’t know if this strictly classifies but to me this *is* feel-good, if a bit bittersweet. Also, I kept the icky bits out of the story as one of the guidelines was ‘no porn’. As the two characters have no official first names I went with the ones alfirin_kirinki has given them. So it’s Adam Stackhouse and Jamie Markham.

Beta: Beautifully done by lorellipsis and loobilou who answered my urgent request like goddesses they are. Thank you again ladies.

Transitional Period

 

The air rippled between the buildings, waves of heat and humidity breaking against steel and stone. Jamie pressed his forehead against the cool glass, the air-conditioning drying the sweat and raising goose-bumps across his back. Several stories below, the streets were busy with evening traffic, everyone rushing back and forth, lives full of places-to-be, people-to-see. 

Late summer in a buzzing metropolis and nowhere to go except another Galaxy. He shifted focus until he could see his own reflection in the window and, behind him, Adam going through the mail on the kitchen counter like it was any normal Saturday night.

Nowhere to be except here. 

It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. They had been given time off to do what the military called “making the necessary arrangements” but what actually meant packing up their lives and saying their goodbyes. Jamie had neither to do and Adam somehow knew that, even though Jamie had never said anything.

“Wanna come with?” and “Okay” and here they were. And how the hell could Adam afford an apartment like this anyway? So far, Jamie had seen two bedrooms with en-suite bathroom and a study. The open-plan kitchen/living room area where they were currently standing alone was bigger than most flats he’d ever stayed in. It was like one of those show-homes, except for the fact that it actually felt lived-in despite the painfully understated and expensive furniture. 

“I’ve got to call the estate agent tomorrow… Arrange the sale.”

Jamie turned his head to see Adam offering a cold beer, the bottle sweating and slippery in the heat. He reached for it gratefully. “Shouldn’t be a problem, man. A nice place like this? Should go in a heartbeat.” 

Adam glanced at him sideways, a small smile playing on his lips. “Ask me later.”

Jamie grinned and drank deep, the cold liquid bitter and soothing in his throat. He would. They had two weeks. 

***

“Jamie, this is my sister Eve Cunningham. Evie, Sergeant Jamie Markham” He gestured to a petite woman in her late thirties. 

Jamie got up from the table to greet her. The woman had chocolate-brown hair, already streaked with fine strands of grey, sharp features and a surprisingly firm handshake. Before he had a chance to say anything she waved him back to his seat, pulling up a chair for herself.

“It wasn’t planned, you know. Our parents met when I was fifteen and Adam was ten and let me tell you, neither of us were asked if we wanted to be the butt of endless bible-school jokes.” Seeing his expression she hastily continued, “Of course, I left the church as soon as I turned sixteen and made sure Adam here didn’t completely lose his ability to think for himself.” 

“She bought me Beyond Good and Evil for my twelfth birthday.”

Eve looked momentarily abashed but smiled warmly at her brother, including Jamie into the circle of comfort born out of long familiarity and genuine affection. 

“Well, everyone goes through that phase. You’re just lucky I didn’t make you wear eyeliner.”

Jamie ducked behind the menu, laughing hard – because really, that he would pay to see. 

Eve had an infectious giggle that didn’t match her stern face at all and soon they were both breathless with amusement and gathering disapproving looks from other customers. Adam reached out and smacked Jamie on the head with one hand while drawing Eve into a brief hug with the other.

“Yeah. Lucky.” 

***
 
Later that night they were lounging on the sofa, beers in hand, watching the news on TV. The remains of a pepperoni pizza were strewn on various plates around them but neither felt any motivation to clean up.

Jamie toed the pizza box out of the way and propped his feet onto the coffee table. 

He’d excused himself after lunch, leaving Adam and his sister to catch up in peace. It had been another scorching day so he’d taken a long walk around the city centre, pausing to drink tiny cups of overpriced Espresso and to watch people go by. It was nice. Safe and predictable. He wouldn’t miss any of it.

“She’s pregnant.” Adam’s sudden announcement broke into his thoughts. He sat up, confused and alarmed. 

“Evie. I’m going to be an uncle.” His whole face had gone soft with wonder and pride and a thousand other emotions. He’d scooted to the edge of the couch, elbows leaning on knees, arms hanging loose between his legs, looking at Jamie with a stupid, crooked, beautiful grin and it was not right – not right, not fucking fair.

“That’s… That’s great, Adam. Congratulations.” He had to force the words out, past the bitter lump at the back of his throat. Jamie kept his eyes on the TV screen, a false smile frozen on his lips. Adam was going to change his mind now, stay and be a brother and an uncle, and what was he compared to that? The brave new world had already come to Adam, he didn’t need to go chasing after it anymore. 

“Yeah, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking, Jamie… I’m not going to sell the apartment after all.”

He couldn’t ask, had no right to ask. The taste of blood exploded in his mouth, bright and violent, bottom lip throbbing between his teeth. 

“I’ll give it to Evie, she could use a bigger place, especially now with the baby and…” Adam stumbled to a halt, a tentative hand coming to rest on Jamie’s slumped shoulders. “What? Jamie, what is it?”

Oh God, he shook with silent laughter, desperately relieved and embarrassingly close to losing it right fucking there. What was it? He didn’t know, not really, except that in the space of a few minutes his world had been turned upside down and back again. Nothing was the same but it didn’t matter because Adam was still with him, still coming. He waved his hand limply in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. 

“I just, I thought maybe…”

Adam sat back as comprehension dawned, regarding him with an unreadable expression, arms crossed over his chest. It was difficult to see clearly, the flickering blue light of the TV the only illumination in the room. 

“Maybe I’d decided to stay on Earth?”

Jamie shrugged, feeling defensive. 

“Jamie?”

“Yeah?” 

Something smacked him square in the face. A pillow. He gaped at Adam who was showing no remorse and sporting a wide grin, smug and playful around the edges.

“You’re an idiot.” Adam declared. 

Cautiously he brought a hand to his head, patting around at the tufts of hair that were currently sticking up madly. Laughter bubbled to the surface, pulling up the corners of his mouth. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Jamie grabbed the cushion from behind his back and thwacked it solidly against Adam’s front. Everything was ok. Everything was brilliant and this here *was* everything.

*** 

The drive to the beach took a good part of the morning. The weather had changed, sky lightening to a dull pearly colour and no more. The wind was picking up and Jamie could feel the moisture it was carrying through the open car window. It would surely rain later.

It didn’t matter. They weren’t going for a swim anyway. 

Adam pulled to a stop in an abandoned parking lot and they walked the rest of the way.

It wasn’t a sandy beach, gravel and dead seashells crunching under their sneakers, but it was empty. Jamie lifted his face to the breeze, smelling brine and the approaching autumn. 

“I inherited it.” Adam’s voice sounded loud in the relative quiet.

They had spread a blanket in a small nook between the cliffs and sat to pour coffee from a thermos, momentarily sheltered from the wind and spray. 

Jamie took a sip, warming his hands around the mug, and glanced at him questioningly.
 
“The flat. I inherited the flat. Sean was a… a friend. A good friend. He left it to me in his will. I didn’t know about it until after.”

“What happened?” 

“Accident. A drunk-driver. I was in Afghanistan. By the time I got back Sean had been dead and buried for three weeks.”

“I’m sorry. How long were you… How long did you know each other?” 

Adam didn’t answer for several minutes, just sat there, drinking his coffee, body rigid and closed-off. Finally he tossed the dregs of his drink to the ground, eyes finding Jamie’s. “A long time.”

Jamie thought about that for a while and decided he liked it. “Hey, how long do you think we’ll be on this mission?” 

That elicited a surprised  snort out of the older man, the tension visibly draining away. He shook his head disbelievingly, poked Jamie on the ribs lightly and stood up. “Didn’t you hear what Dr. Weir said? Forever, man. Forever.” He extended an arm down to Jamie in an unselfconscious offer of help.

Jamie took it, letting the other man haul him to his feet. A hand clasped his elbow a fraction of a second longer than necessary, warm and welcomed.     

“And you’re cool with that?”

The two men looked at each other, an easy smile looping back and forth between them as though it had some self-powering energy of its own. 

“Wouldn’t have signed up if I weren’t.”

*** 

Adam had never asked, never said anything. Which was fine really, because Jamie didn’t swing that way. And Adam was a good guy, a good mate, who would never put a friend in an awkward situation like that.

The thing was, Jamie had kind of expected him to ask. For weeks after he’d had to bloody Sergeant Hayden’s nose for sticking it where it didn’t belong, he kept waiting for a… a question, a sign, a hint, *something* for God’s sake. He had it all worked out in his head, how he would react, what he would say. 

Nothing happened. They worked their shifts, played endless games of cards and cursed the cold. Adam raised his eyebrows at Hayden’s sulky and swollen face but Jamie just shrugged. It wasn’t a conversation *he* wanted to have after all.

But somehow he felt disappointed. He had a whole speech prepared that he never got to use, full of sentiments about standing by one’s friends and how he was completely okay with it, honestly, just not, you know, like that himself. 

And now he was in Adam’s flat, spending his last days on Earth with him – no regs, no Haydens to watch out for and goddamn it, he was *still* waiting.

Only somewhere along the way, the answer he’d been silently practising had changed. 

***

“I’m sorry about this, Jamie.” Adam was hovering by the apartment door, one foot already outside. 

“Oh for God’s sake! Will you just go! And say Hi to Eve for me.” Jamie had to practically shut the door on his face. Adam was on his way to spend the day with his sister, various lawyers and other officials – seemingly one couldn’t just hand the apartment keys to one’s sibling and be done with it. Piles of paperwork and about a hundred and fifty signatures were needed.

He watched Adam get into a taxi and then went to the study, picking up a pen and something to write on. He dragged the armchair over by the window and sat down in a little circle of sunlight. The paper was smooth and thick, absorbing the ink greedily. 

Dear Adam, he wrote, letters a bit uneven and wobbly – it had been a considerable time since he’d practiced longhand.

Don’t be surprised, you knew there wasn’t anyone else. But in the end it didn’t matter – in a weird way I was even glad – because there was always you. 

He wrote intently, not once looking up or correcting himself.

When he finished it was late afternoon, the sun now low on the horizon and catching the back wall. Without reading what he’d written, Jamie folded the letter into an envelope, scrawling Adam’s name on top. Then he rummaged around the drawers until he found a larger envelope, sealing the first one inside it. And on the front of that he wrote: 

In the Event of My Death – Sgt. Jamie Markham.

He shoved the whole thing to the bottom of his suitcase, ready to hand over to Dr. Weir once they got to the SGC. 

Jamie spent the evening wandering aimlessly around the apartment, picking up books, reading a couple of pages and putting them down again. There was nothing on TV, nothing on the radio, and too much on his mind.

Finally he gave up, took a long shower and went to bed at nine o’clock. 

Later in the night he awoke to a feeling of someone being in the room with him. Adam was standing in the doorway watching him silently, all dark angles and shadows, backlit by the living room lamp.  

Jamie turned over and went back to sleep. 

***

They had gone to a couple of sports bars but drinking watered-down beer and watching basketball wasn’t really Jamie’s idea of a good time. And judging by the way Adam kept shredding the coasters, it wasn’t his either. After a couple of hours he’d finally had enough. It was clear that they were there only because Adam thought that was what he’d like. 

“Why are we here?”

“What do you mean? You said you wanted to go out?” Adam managed to look both offended and hurt at the same time. 

Jamie sighed and got to his feet, not even bothering to finish his drink. He grabbed the other man by the arm and dragged him outside, the night breeze cool and welcoming after the smoke. “Stay here, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Adam opened his mouth to protest but then seemed to think better of it and just crossed his arms, leaning back against the wall.

Jamie started off towards the nearby deli but then stopped, pivoting on his heels and grinning at Adam, delighted to find an answering smile spreading across the other man’s features.

Okay, he thought. Okay. This was going to work. He could just feel it, anticipation thrumming along every nerve ending, making each step like walking on air. Apparently once-in-a-lifetime opportunities came twice for Jamie Markham – and if he didn’t get to keep them both, then it sure as hell wasn’t going to be because he was too much of a coward to try. 

Adam was where he’d left him. Jamie hailed a cab and bundled them both in, leaning over to the driver.

“62 Renshaw Street, please.” 

“Where are we going?” He was relieved to hear only curiosity in the question.

“To O’Farrell’s for some first-grade steaks. Mama from the…” he paused to point behind them, “Mama Robinson’s Deli back there tells me they’re the best in town.” 

Mama had been right. The dinner was more than worth the half-hour wait and every penny of the extravagant price. Adam’s eyes bulged slightly at the bill, but Jamie handed over his credit card without a protest, telling the waitress to add a twenty percent tip for herself and furiously kicking Adam’s ankles under the table to keep him quiet. The chances for fine dining were bound to be slim in the Pegasus Galaxy and even if he was wrong… Well, he doubted American Express would catch him any time soon to discuss his ‘unusual account activity’.

After dinner they walked to a nearby music venue. It was one of those hybrid places, one floor featuring a live band and the second a DJ with a large dance floor. The music was a blend of blues and indie rock and, most importantly, the bar offered a truly spectacular selection of alcohol. 

“Cool, huh?”

“What?” 

The noise level was pretty spectacular too. They were leaning on the bar, watching the band lead the crowd into the chorus. The clientele was mixed – college students and tourists sharing the area in front of the stage with what was clearly a group of regulars.

Jamie closed the distance between them, lips inches away from Adam’s ear. “This place is great! Mama Robinson sure knows how to party.” 

Adam snorted and tilted his head until they were almost cheek to cheek, the heat of their bodies melding together. “So, are you gonna buy me that drink or not?”

Jamie flashed a grin at the other man and, feeling daring, dropped his arm around Adam’s waist while bending over the counter to wave at the bartender. 

They drifted between the floors, bottles in hand, enjoying the atmosphere. He made Adam laugh, bought him drinks and hinted long and loudly until Adam gave in and let himself be lead among the jumping throng.

Jamie was feeling good and even though Adam still didn’t *ask*, he kept answering anyway. Yes his hand said as it settled on Adam’s hip, anchoring them together on the dance floor. Yes whispered his fingers, brushing at the vulnerable skin on the back of Adam’s neck. Yes promised his eyes, capturing Adam’s across the table, yes, yes, yes. 

But by the time they’d left the club and made their way back to the flat, Adam still hadn’t really said anything and Jamie was losing confidence fast. He fumbled with the keys – Adam had given him the spare – dropping them twice before Adam gently took them from him and unlocked the door.

It was late, the apartment empty and too quiet. 

“Do you want a drink?” Jamie walked to the kitchen area but didn’t make any move to open the fridge or find glasses. Instead he laid his palms flat against the worktop, breathing deeply, tension curling in the pit of his stomach. Not so brave now.

“Jamie?” He could hear Adam approaching, footsteps coming to a stop right behind him. “Tonight? Tonight was a… a date, wasn’t it?” And there it was, out in the open, fragile under the fluorescent lights.

 “I… Yeah.” 

Adam’s hands came to rest on his waist, fingers curling around hipbones, seeking, finding, skimming damp skin under the hem of his t-shirt. He arched into the warmth, twisting in the circle of Adam’s arms until they were face to face, hearts touching.

“I’m glad.” Adam’s voice was low, words murmured into the hollow of his throat, branded there with teeth and tongue. 

Jamie brought their mouths together, thinking this was what it must feel like going through the Stargate. And inside he was flying, scattered in tiny pieces like distant stars of an unknown Galaxy. Pulling Adam into a fierce embrace, he threw his head back and laughed and laughed, tears close but not falling.

For it was a joyous, unbound thing – love in transition. 

***

 

The Epilogue
 

Two days later Jamie walked out of the bedroom to find Adam standing in the hall, a rucksack on one shoulder, looking uncertain.

Their bags were packed, the apartment tidied ready for its new occupants. Eve was supposed to move in the following week. The taxi was waiting downstairs, the flight to Colorado leaving in three hours. 

“We could just not go. Stay. Find another…” Adam’s expression was open and terribly earnest but he fell silent as Jamie’s hand came up to cover his mouth. They stayed like that for a long time, just being quiet and looking at each other.

It wasn’t an empty offer and just knowing that – knowing that Adam *would* do it for him was enough. 

Jamie withdrew his hand, slowly, and grasped Adam’s arms tightly. “No. We have to go. You want to, right?”

“Yes, of course, but…” 

“We have to go.”

Adam’s eyes searched his, pale grey in the early morning light. 

“We’re going to make a difference. You and me, Adam, we’re going to be big goddamn heroes!” Jamie grinned wildly, finally letting the sense of awe and adventure flood through him. Another fucking *galaxy*! “I think I’d like that. Making a difference.” He leaned in, scared and excited and deadly serious. 

 “You will, Jamie. You will.”

They kissed, smiles brushing against each other, standing on the threshold, ready to step through.

***

There was no bitter hate then in the fight,
For ancient law ruled victory and flight,
And, victory and defeat alike forgot,
They slept together in the selfsame cot,
With arms about each other through the night.

Kinship – George William Russell

THE END

 

Comments

[altorogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just love them both. It's one of those where you want them to just be frozen in time, in that moment, because you know how it will turn out in the end and it breaks your heart.

This was lovely.

[kat-lair.livejournal.com]

oh thank you very much for reading and reviewing.

And this: you want them to just be frozen in time, in that moment, because you know how it will turn out in the end and it breaks your heart. was totally the feeling I was going for so it breaks my heart a little (but in a good way) that it came through.