Liveblogging Twilight \o/
Nov. 12th, 2011 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kat_lairNote: I have not read the books or seen this movie before. But, it just happens to be on TV tonight so who am I resist FATE.
There's a deer. IS THE DEER GONNA GET IT? Wait, the vamps drink deer?
Charlie's moustache is awesome. Though he does not appreciate his daughter's hair...
The lighting is very cold and white-washed.
Oh look, it's a wise Native American and JACOB THE WEREWOLF. His hair is better than Bella's.
Oh Bella, you say you're the type to suffer in silence, but I don't believe you...
Why the fuck are all the boys swooning over her?
Slo-mo walking lol
Wow Jasper looks like he's clenching around a giant butt plug.
oooooooooomg seriously, a fan for the hair. Really, really?
Wait, did Edward just spring a fang boner at the sight of her. What with the hand-over-mouth. AHAHAHA. And then he had to go hunt another deer and couldn't come to school?
Oh hey, they hunt builders too? Well, who can blame them?
Edward is back in biology. Clearly he got acock-ring dental-clamp self-control. Wow that's deep lipstick he's wearing.
Oh dear lord why is she making orgasm faces already?
Ahahaha Edward flounces off. Bella: Your eyes are interesting colour... Edward: TO BETTER CREEPILY STARE AT YOU.
...Wait wasn't there a scene like this in Smallville, with the saving from car crash with superhuman strength?
***
Lol it's not good when all the vampires are instantaneously recognisable from just how pale they look. Creepy Dr. is Creepy.
Lol, super secret conversation out in the hospital hallway. Clearly vampires aren't very smart...
Okay, so I'm sensing the trend to Bella-Edward conversations:
Bella: *says something about how weird Edward is*
Edward: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ISHUESSSSSS *flounces off*
Oh there he is, WATCHING YOU SLEEP.
"Why didn't you just let the van crash me and save us a lot of regret?" ...I'M SORRY, WHAT? Get a grip, lady.
Lol I am disappointed that the apple didn't just like WITHER AND DIE in Edward's hands.
Oh Edward, BELLA SEES THROUGH YOUR TRAGIC MASK THAT HIDES YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN
Wait, wait, wait. The werewolves are all Native Americans? Because... they're so wild? Really, really, you went there?
Oh wow, there's legitimate mythology that they've tried to put into this? I mean, it's not very original but...
Bella does not do dresses. Bella wants to go to the book store. Bella is a strong independent lady.
And Bella is about to get raped. Let that be a lesson to all what being independent and going to book stores means.
Edward to the rescue! Lol guess he hasn't really worked those control issues. Rad driving there though.
Oh poor boy, can't even eat mushroom risotto.
'I feel very... protective of you' - oh dear god the dialogue. Ahaha though, I've seen a version of this scene in Twinklight and the acting in both is about the same.
***
Lol was there an actual chiming noise when their hands touched. And his skin is perfectly cooled. For your pleasure. *gags*
Animal attacks... could this be any more cliched?
Ahahaha. Suspecting your boyfriend is not quite human? Google it! ...seriously, did they sponsor the movie?
And now she's leading him TO THE FOREST so they can talk about it. Uh, HELLO ARE YOU STUPID GIRL?
360 camera pan! Tilted camera angle!
Oookay the fast-running looks ridiculous.
SPARKLES \o/ I have been looking forward to this. SKIN OF THE KILLER. LOL LOL.
Oh my god, Edward's LOOK AT ME, I'M DANGEROUS routine is cracking me up.
'You're like my own personal brand of heroine' oh god the dialogue is killing me. With badness.
Oh jesus christ, is this scene supposed to be erotic? It's like necrophilia, they're both as pale as corpses.
MOAR CAMERA PANS. AND SPARKLES. AND CHIMING.
He's breaking all the rules for you, Bella.
Complications! With Jacob... Tell me there's a lot of threesome fic out there? Just to, idk, redeem my faith in the fandom as a whole or something.
***
Wow, nice digs. Lol they're cooking Italian food for her.
Lol Jasper still looks like he's holding in a dildo.
Oh wow, I want Edward's room.
Ahahaha he's like a flying squirrel.
Wait, are they going to kiss in this movie at all. Or is the whole thing just a prolonged tease to get teenage girls hot and bothered? *rolls eyes*
Oh man Edward just apparating in her room is creepy. HE LIKES WATCHING YOU SLEEP, BELLA. KICK HIM ON THE BOLLOCKS AND RUN LIKE THE WIND.
OH FFS, JUST SNOG ALREADY. Bleugh, all this heavy breathing is making me uncomfortable and not in a good way.
SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH, SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH, SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH. THIS IS WHAT THIS MOVIE HAS TAUGHT ME.
***
Baseball to the sound of Muse.
Lol here cometh the evil vampires. FOG! SLO-MO! THUNDER! FURS!
I have to say the evil vamps are better looking.
Oh dear lord the standoff. *eye-roll*
Wow, Bella, your plan is... not great.
Huh, okay first time I'm vaguely interested in the plot. Maybe because there's a vague whiff of vampire politics about it and I always find those kinds of things fascinating. GIVE ME SOCIETY BUILDING AND POLITICS WITH MY SUPERNATURAL FICTION AND I'M HAPPY.
Why is James so invested in breaking Edward's heart? Jilted lover?
It just occurs to me I have yet to see any fangs in this movie. I AM DISAPPOINT SON.
There is biting and sucking going on but still no proper glimpse of fangs.
OH GOD THE DEER IS A METAPHOOOOOOOOR.
Yawn, 'I'm gonna leave you for your own good' yaaaaaaaawn.
TBC
PROM \o/ ALL AMERICAN HIGh-SCHOOL MOVIES MUST END WITH A PROM. EVEN THE VAMPIRE ONES.
Oh hey Jacob, why did you have to cut your hair for the sequels? I'm quite digging it.
There's a lot of Edward/Jacob out there, right? RIGHT? I mean, not that I want to read any but just... like to confirm it exists.
Somehow I'm not surprised that the hookups are all ethnicity matched. Two of Bella's Asian-American friends together...
Oh dear goddddddd with the throat-bearing. And there's the kiss. I'm sure dozens of thirteen-year-olds had their first orgasm to this.
surprise!Victoria there at the end.
Final verdict: 30% boring, 30% lolarious, 30% PROBLEMATIC AT A DEEP LEVEL. 10% missed potential.
There's a deer. IS THE DEER GONNA GET IT? Wait, the vamps drink deer?
Charlie's moustache is awesome. Though he does not appreciate his daughter's hair...
The lighting is very cold and white-washed.
Oh look, it's a wise Native American and JACOB THE WEREWOLF. His hair is better than Bella's.
Oh Bella, you say you're the type to suffer in silence, but I don't believe you...
Why the fuck are all the boys swooning over her?
Slo-mo walking lol
Wow Jasper looks like he's clenching around a giant butt plug.
oooooooooomg seriously, a fan for the hair. Really, really?
Wait, did Edward just spring a fang boner at the sight of her. What with the hand-over-mouth. AHAHAHA. And then he had to go hunt another deer and couldn't come to school?
Oh hey, they hunt builders too? Well, who can blame them?
Edward is back in biology. Clearly he got a
Oh dear lord why is she making orgasm faces already?
Ahahaha Edward flounces off. Bella: Your eyes are interesting colour... Edward: TO BETTER CREEPILY STARE AT YOU.
...Wait wasn't there a scene like this in Smallville, with the saving from car crash with superhuman strength?
***
Lol it's not good when all the vampires are instantaneously recognisable from just how pale they look. Creepy Dr. is Creepy.
Lol, super secret conversation out in the hospital hallway. Clearly vampires aren't very smart...
Okay, so I'm sensing the trend to Bella-Edward conversations:
Bella: *says something about how weird Edward is*
Edward: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ISHUESSSSSS *flounces off*
Oh there he is, WATCHING YOU SLEEP.
"Why didn't you just let the van crash me and save us a lot of regret?" ...I'M SORRY, WHAT? Get a grip, lady.
Lol I am disappointed that the apple didn't just like WITHER AND DIE in Edward's hands.
Oh Edward, BELLA SEES THROUGH YOUR TRAGIC MASK THAT HIDES YOUR EMOTIONAL PAIN
Wait, wait, wait. The werewolves are all Native Americans? Because... they're so wild? Really, really, you went there?
Oh wow, there's legitimate mythology that they've tried to put into this? I mean, it's not very original but...
Bella does not do dresses. Bella wants to go to the book store. Bella is a strong independent lady.
And Bella is about to get raped. Let that be a lesson to all what being independent and going to book stores means.
Edward to the rescue! Lol guess he hasn't really worked those control issues. Rad driving there though.
Oh poor boy, can't even eat mushroom risotto.
'I feel very... protective of you' - oh dear god the dialogue. Ahaha though, I've seen a version of this scene in Twinklight and the acting in both is about the same.
***
Lol was there an actual chiming noise when their hands touched. And his skin is perfectly cooled. For your pleasure. *gags*
Animal attacks... could this be any more cliched?
Ahahaha. Suspecting your boyfriend is not quite human? Google it! ...seriously, did they sponsor the movie?
And now she's leading him TO THE FOREST so they can talk about it. Uh, HELLO ARE YOU STUPID GIRL?
360 camera pan! Tilted camera angle!
Oookay the fast-running looks ridiculous.
SPARKLES \o/ I have been looking forward to this. SKIN OF THE KILLER. LOL LOL.
Oh my god, Edward's LOOK AT ME, I'M DANGEROUS routine is cracking me up.
'You're like my own personal brand of heroine' oh god the dialogue is killing me. With badness.
Oh jesus christ, is this scene supposed to be erotic? It's like necrophilia, they're both as pale as corpses.
MOAR CAMERA PANS. AND SPARKLES. AND CHIMING.
He's breaking all the rules for you, Bella.
Complications! With Jacob... Tell me there's a lot of threesome fic out there? Just to, idk, redeem my faith in the fandom as a whole or something.
***
Wow, nice digs. Lol they're cooking Italian food for her.
Lol Jasper still looks like he's holding in a dildo.
Oh wow, I want Edward's room.
Ahahaha he's like a flying squirrel.
Wait, are they going to kiss in this movie at all. Or is the whole thing just a prolonged tease to get teenage girls hot and bothered? *rolls eyes*
Oh man Edward just apparating in her room is creepy. HE LIKES WATCHING YOU SLEEP, BELLA. KICK HIM ON THE BOLLOCKS AND RUN LIKE THE WIND.
OH FFS, JUST SNOG ALREADY. Bleugh, all this heavy breathing is making me uncomfortable and not in a good way.
SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH, SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH, SEX WILL LEAD TO DEATH. THIS IS WHAT THIS MOVIE HAS TAUGHT ME.
***
Baseball to the sound of Muse.
Lol here cometh the evil vampires. FOG! SLO-MO! THUNDER! FURS!
I have to say the evil vamps are better looking.
Oh dear lord the standoff. *eye-roll*
Wow, Bella, your plan is... not great.
Huh, okay first time I'm vaguely interested in the plot. Maybe because there's a vague whiff of vampire politics about it and I always find those kinds of things fascinating. GIVE ME SOCIETY BUILDING AND POLITICS WITH MY SUPERNATURAL FICTION AND I'M HAPPY.
Why is James so invested in breaking Edward's heart? Jilted lover?
It just occurs to me I have yet to see any fangs in this movie. I AM DISAPPOINT SON.
There is biting and sucking going on but still no proper glimpse of fangs.
OH GOD THE DEER IS A METAPHOOOOOOOOR.
Yawn, 'I'm gonna leave you for your own good' yaaaaaaaawn.
TBC
PROM \o/ ALL AMERICAN HIGh-SCHOOL MOVIES MUST END WITH A PROM. EVEN THE VAMPIRE ONES.
Oh hey Jacob, why did you have to cut your hair for the sequels? I'm quite digging it.
There's a lot of Edward/Jacob out there, right? RIGHT? I mean, not that I want to read any but just... like to confirm it exists.
Somehow I'm not surprised that the hookups are all ethnicity matched. Two of Bella's Asian-American friends together...
Oh dear goddddddd with the throat-bearing. And there's the kiss. I'm sure dozens of thirteen-year-olds had their first orgasm to this.
surprise!Victoria there at the end.
Final verdict: 30% boring, 30% lolarious, 30% PROBLEMATIC AT A DEEP LEVEL. 10% missed potential.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2011-11-12 10:50 pm (UTC)I tried reading the first book in the series - I tried really hard, even managed to get past the first chapter. Then I realised it was rotting my brain ...
no subject
on 2011-11-12 11:29 pm (UTC)I'm afraid to even look at the books to be honest...
no subject
on 2011-11-12 10:59 pm (UTC)and isn't it a depressing movie? Just uuuuugh. I remember watching it with J and simultaneously lolling and being bored out of our skulls. (I got through the book only with the help of alcolol.)
Wait, wait, wait. The werewolves are all Native Americans? Because... they're so wild? Really, really, you went there?
Smeyer ALWAYS goes there.
no subject
on 2011-11-12 11:34 pm (UTC)I'm sure alcohol would have helped. I will reserve some for when they show the next instalment...
Ugh, really? I'm not familiar with this particular fandom at all, not even bothered with the proper reviews or critiques, so didn't realise that race!fail was also part of the problem...
no subject
on 2011-11-12 11:42 pm (UTC)And now I know which one Jasper was.
PROM \o/ ALL AMERICAN HIHG-SCHOOL MOVIES MUST END WITH A PROM. EVEN THE VAMPIRE ONES.
SO CONFUSING
no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:33 am (UTC)More prom-related movies/tv-episodes I watch, the more grateful I am that there was nothing like that in Finland. Well there was a dance of sorts, but everyone just went together, no one had to produce dates thank fuck.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-12 11:57 pm (UTC)I'd have loved to watch it with you. Some of my f'list are very serious about how bad it is but clearly as a subject for mockery it is of the WIN and we should be grateful for it. *nods*
no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:36 am (UTC)The movie was both boring and hilarious. The sparkle effect was my favourite. The acting was in line with 'Twinklight'.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 08:10 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 09:31 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 02:27 am (UTC)That was so funny. I hate this movie for what it did to my father; he was so crestfallen to understand that 'sparkling' is not a precursor to 'blowing up because of sunlight exposure'.
Poor Daddy.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 09:34 am (UTC)Aww, I understand your dad's disappointment. I mean that kind of sparkle effect doesn't seem like a good evolutionary development for the 'most dangerous predator in the world'
no subject
on 2011-11-13 09:48 am (UTC)Apparently Bella and Edward don't have sex until the third book/movie...
no subject
on 2011-11-13 10:12 am (UTC)Well that doesn't surprise me. It's because sex would make Edward lose his control and take Bella's innocence is more ways than one... Or so such crap like that.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 09:59 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 10:14 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:12 pm (UTC)I was in middle school when those books first came out, and I was the first person in my town to read them before they got popular. I actually liked them before they became a huge ~thing, and as annoying as it is, I still find myself caring sometimes.
Also; Wow Jasper looks like he's clenching around a giant butt plug. ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
Loved this.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 12:40 pm (UTC)Lol, is Jasper and butt plugs like a thing for the fandom? Because that would be hilarious?
no subject
on 2011-11-13 04:51 pm (UTC)And I totally agree on the writing. I think the reason I liked the books at all was because, in my opinion, it's a good story with bad execution. Normally that wouldn't be a good thing, but for me it just meant I had a lot of room to reimagine the universe in my own mind/writing and make it better. It was a world-building exercise for me.
/ramble
no subject
on 2011-11-13 06:41 pm (UTC)A shame really. It's like when you come across a fic with an awesome idea, but poor writing...
no subject
on 2011-11-13 01:42 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 06:45 pm (UTC)But yeah, you haven't missed anything really with this movie.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 06:47 pm (UTC)I have to be honest and say the idea of vampires that sparkle would put me of any story, it really would.
no subject
on 2011-11-13 06:59 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-13 07:04 pm (UTC)http://www.aftonnills.com/wordpress/2011/10/21/twinklight-shoot-oct-2011/
no subject
on 2011-11-13 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-14 10:18 am (UTC)(Did you mean fate?)
no subject
on 2011-11-14 09:11 pm (UTC)And yes, yes I did. It sounds the same, brain just jumped to the first spelling, I do that a lot.
no subject
on 2011-11-15 03:19 pm (UTC)It doesn't, actually, honey, it's a soft 'th' like F on the end of 'faith', but I've seen some of my ESL friends do that before, s'why I checked. :)
no subject
on 2011-11-15 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-19 06:30 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-19 09:52 pm (UTC)