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kat_lair***
As the Re/Read Book Club over at![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tar_valon progresses, I've been doing summaries of questionable taste and accuracy. I'm just cross-posting them here for posterity, 2 books worth at a time. Here, the first two.
Banners byr_tt_n - grab them on tar_valon
Book 1: The Eye of the World, Kat's Extreme Readers' Digest, The Irreverent Edition
In the prologue someone called Lews is having a Very Bad, No Good day and copes with it by creating a big mountain, because fuck it. We start our adventure with a boy and his dad and some booze barrels, traveling through non-existent spring and encountering a creepy rider. Key characters are introduced via the vehicle of No One Gets To Have Beltaine Fun, and we learn that for someone Actually Quite Smart, Rand is also often An Idiot (a recurring theme), Mat is Curious and Clever (but also An Idiot) and Perrin is Swole and Sweet and everyone thinks that means he's also dumb which actually suits him just fine. Egwene is eager for bigger and better things of which marriage is not one, and Nynaeve is angry all the time, which, I get it sister. I get it. There are Strangers in the village, and Moiraine and Lan are described in vivid detail down to jewellery and Lan's 'blue as a midwinter dawn' eyes (oh ay). Thom Merrilin and Padan Fain arrive with news of war and we get the first sense of Things Are Afoot in the World. In Ch5 action kicks in as Tam and Rand fight trollocs and encounter a Myrdraal (as we now learn what the creepy Black Rider was), Tam's Heron-marked sword and feverish mumbles foreshadow some significant plot points to come (I'm pretty sure everyone got that, it wasn't subtle). Moiraine turns out to be - gasp! - Aes Sedai, saves Tam and displays her emotional manipulation skills by convincing the boys that they need to leave with her for the 'safety of the village' because they 'have no choice' (not saying she's wrong but you know, skilled). First of many (so many, quickly so tedious) dream sequences ensues, Rand says goodbye to his dad (he is my dad, he is, tantrum!), Moiraine tells a cracking tale of Manetheren, and Egwene is Not About To Be Left Behind. Kat rolls eyes at the sword, ax, bow division of weaponry which is, erm, familiar...
Big Scary Run to the Taren Ferry which Moiraine promptly sinks, because why not. Rand is being a dickhead about Egwene's revealed abilities, but at least he realises that. I write 'god shut up' and 'why is he both so smart and so stupid at the same time?' many times in the margins. After more time on the road we arrive in Baerlon, and meet Min (love her) who provides some Big Time Foreshadowing with her ability, and the Children of the Light who provide the religious fundamentalism vibes any good fantasy series needs, for realism. We have our next weird dream sequence and Randgets a terror boner refers to Ba’alzamon as “in the prime of his maturity" and supposes "women would have found him good-looking” (god, just say he’s a handsome devil, like, literally) and Ba’al bae drops some truth bombs about the Aes Sedai and kills some rats. Each to their own. We also get first of Rand’s Out of Body Acting Like A Smug Bastard ‘accidents happen’ Experiences when he challenges the Children of Light after blabbing to Padan Fain like an idiot. Nynaeve catches up, hurray! There are some really great scenes of Moiraine making herself seem like a giant, full charge at the trollocs and the Myrdraal with the ancient war cries, and then Moiraine causing an earthquake that I fervently hope are part of the TV-series. In Creepy Town Shadar Logoth our idiot boys (I get it, they are idiots because they are boys, not adults) follow the first Ancient Evil Shadowless Spirit who promises them treasure because of course they do, Mat gets double idiot points for pocketing a Cursed Knife (more on that later if memory serves) and Kat is struck by Yet Another LOTR rip off because the story of Mordeth the creepy advisor sapping away the strength of King of Aridhol until he “sat on his throne, a withered shell with the light of madness in his eyes, laughing while Mordeth smiled at his side” is literally Grima and Theoden…
In ch20 the party is broken up and we get a first pov change (first Perrin and then Nynaeve in ch21) which is actually refreshing because I was getting a bit tired of Rand. Nynaeve is revealed to also be able to channel One Power and demonstrates one of the qualities I always liked about her best: she doesn’t let herself stay in denial for very long when learning something, no matter how unpleasant. Perrin, with Egwene tagging along, starts his own journey with the wolves and meeting Elyas Machera and a bit later we are also introduced to the ‘Traveling People’ i.e. every Roma stereotype ever, who provide some convenient exposition about Far Dares Mai and the Aiel and their prophecy… Meanwhile, on a ship, Rand and Mat have more spooky dreams with ‘only the ladies think he’s a handsome devil, not me’ Ba’alzamon and Mat gets broodier because of the Cursed Dagger which he even admits taking and yet no one makes the connection oh my god, while Rand has another out of body experience, this time swinging from the ship’s mast. Literally. Thom is exasperated. We get to Whitebridge and Mat needs a slap and Thom... Nooo, Thom :(
Perrin spends some time with the Tuatha’an, fretting, dreaming of Ba’alzamon (who the wolves call Heartfang we learn), trying very hard not to think about the wolves, disapproving Egwene’s dancing with handsome Aram and getting flustered by girls. Incidentally, it’s hilarious how he is all ‘oh I wish Rand was here, he knows about girls’ whilst elsewhere Rand also constantly thinks ‘oh Perrin is so smooth with the ladies, I wish Perrin was here to guide me’. In White Bridge we encounter some Andorrian militia for the first time while Nynaeve angsts about her One Power (OP) abilities and I get annoyed with how she and Moiraine are constantly pitted against other and just want to be like ‘women supporting women, c’mon!’ Elyas, Egwene, Perrin and the wolves (Perrin: ‘lalala what wolves’?) have a rather exciting trek, being chased and very nearly pecked to death by ravens (terrible typecasting of corvids) except they get to a stedding on time. I suspect Jordan failed basic gardening as he keeps referring to ‘weeds’ whilst the characters are traipsing through wild grasslands which makes zero sense. A little nod to Arthurian legend with Artur Paendrag Tanreall (familiar sounding eh), Artur Hawkwing and his giant statute. Perrin angsts over his ability to mercy kill people with his big axe and Elyas tells him not to be so dramatic. At least he soon gets a proper reason for being maudlin as he and Egwene are captured by Children of the Light, two of which Perrin presumably kills wolf-stylee by tearing their throats out with his teeth (is this in the TV show? I hope so!). I don’t know if it’s on purpose but the religious zealots are way scarier than any of the actual Darkfriends. I learn a new word (gibbet).
The unnecessary time-jumpy order in which Mat and Rand’s travels are described (not to mention the continuation error of when they get the scarves) causes some frustration. Rand is still having paternal angst (he is my father but is he no he is but what if jfc) and Mat’s descent to cursed dagger paranoia is not even a little subtle but no one rubs two braincells together about it, too busy with the singing and juggling. They get almost robbed and shanked by a greedy innkeeper and a Darkfriend on the same night and Rand accidentally on purpose discovers his OP mojo and makes with the lightning. I’m pretty sure I didn’t make the connection between that and the short-term illness that followed the first time but this time I sure had a smug ‘oooh I get it’ experience. There’s some nice h/c and caretaking Mat/Rand with Rand’s sickness and Mat’s temporary vision problems and the shared nightmares if you’re into that. Ba’alzamon keeps dream thirsting for our heroes (‘you belong to me, kneel at my feet, I mark you as mine’, like it’s very, uh, specific) and they almost get shanked by yet another Darkfriend. A chatty cart rider provides a lift to Caemlyn and convenient politics exposition about the tangled relationship between Queen of Andor and Tar Valon, and some foreshadowing with the ‘The Queen is wed to the land, but the Dragon… The Dragon is one with the land, and the land is one with the Dragon’. Finally in the Big City, we learn about Thom’s courtly past, Mat goes fully unhinged and Rand meets a tufty eared Ogier who drops some home truths about Rand’s ancestry and being ta’veren. Meanwhile, somewhere in the grasslands, Nynaeve, Moiraine and Lan rescue Egwene and Perrin from the Fundies of Light, whose penchant for torture is described in graphic detail. Back in Caemlyn, Rand is almost caught by Padan Fain (not named but pretty obvious), sees the False Dragon and falls right into the laps of Andor’s Daughter-Heir and First Prince of the Sword who take a fancy to him. Rand has some vaguely queer thoughts about their step-brother (‘the handsomest man Rand had ever seen, almost too handsome for masculinity’) and gets an Aes Sedai foretelling of pain and division.
At last the party is united, which is kind of shame because for some reason it means we’ll stick firmly to Rand’s pov for the rest of the book. For someone who willingly held Mat ‘like a baby’ when he was having nightmares, Rand can’t make himself to just hug Perrin and tries to shake his hand instead. He does almost immediately fixate on his new yellow eyes and ‘intensity of his gaze’ which is understandable. Mat gets exorcised and we are all cheated because having the following chapter from his pov would’ve been so much better. Anyway, lots of discussions and confessions are had, Rand and Egwene have a jealousy spat (god, happy polyfam is always the solution) and in the end everyone does as Moiraine (who is revealed to be of Blue Ajah) sees best (obvs) and troops after Loial to secret Ways for some between worlds travel though not before Ba’alzamon makes another special dream visit to his favourite boys. After fumbling around in the dark of the Ways for a couple of days (‘where do they go to the loo?’ I have written in the margins, these are my priorities) and narrowly escaping a really graphically sadistic evil wind (‘flesh so fine, so fine to tear…’ etc) our heroes pop out in Shienar. Lan is greeted like the returning king he is, recites some poetry and gets his tragic backstory revealed while Nynaeve has some feelings about all of it. Padan Fain catches up and turns out to have been thoroughly mind-fucked by the Dark One. Our heroes ride off toMordor the Blight while Borderlands troops ride of to have a final stand at Gap of Rohan Tarwin’s Gap. The Blight is hot and damp and full of rot, Rand copes by focusing on how ‘big’ Perrin is, how he ‘caresses his axe’ and ‘growls in a way that makes the hair on Rand’s neck stir’. We get it. Out of nowhere (seriously, there had NOT been enough established interactions or even thinking when in Nynaeve’s pov for this to make any sense) Nynaeve and Lan have a discussion about their pining and it’s all ‘I’m not worthy, I’m only meant for war, oh the self-sacrifice’. It was all terribly romantic when I was 13 but now it’s just a bit ridiculous, although out of all of them Lan clearly has the most game (‘you are a lioness’ is a line that absolutely would work with most women). Mat finally does something other than juggling or whining and puts his bow to good use in yet another tense battle against creatures of the dark, including some Worms from the Tremors.
By the skin of their teeth they reachTreebeard’s Green Man’s sanctuary. He says it like he sees it, making both Perrin and Rand squirm with the Wolfbrother and Child of the Dragon. We learn that the Eye of the World is a pool of… Uhh, essen- It’s ‘essence of saidin’. It’s, ah, a puddle of male power… I mean. A pond of. Male essence. I… Anyway, if that wasn’t enough to make you gag, two of the Forsaken roll up for some torture and veiled rape threats. The Green Man fungis (it’s a verb now) one of them to death and turns into an oak, which honestly, good choice. But now, Rand’s Time Has Come (after a blind panic). He obliterates Aginor, teleports to Tarwin’s Gap to make like Gandalf at Helm’s Keep and for grand finale, smites Shai’tan himself with a big blade of light, blade of the Light, which given handsome devil threatens his dead mum (low blow) is valid. In the aftermath (It’s over, Rand thinks, and we all laugh, eyeing our bookshelves) Rand catches on to having used the Forbidden and Tainted Male OP (at least he didn’t have to swim in the jizz pool) and has some feelings about it, as do the women, and the strict gender dichotomy is sprouted some more (oh no, women cannae know about male withchery, too different). In a time-honoured ‘this is definitely a good decision’ manner, this news is not shared with Mat or Perrin, who have apparently gone for a dip in saidin and discovered some ancient relics (a broken seal, shiny horn, and an even shinier dragon banner). Moiraine needs a stretcher, Loial gets something else to do besides being Tufty and importing knowledge, and sings Green Man’s Oak safe from evil. Back in Fal Dara, Rand announces that he will be Going Away Somewhere Not Home, and it’s all very dramatic. THE END
***
Book 2: The Great Hunt, Kat's Extreme Readers' Digest, The Irreverent Edition
In the prologue we learn that Darkfriends are everywhere (spot the traitor!), the head torturer of Whitecloaks is in fact proper evil, not just misguided, and that Ba’alzamon is still thirsty for our heroes and that ‘mind-fucks’ and ‘evil erotic hypnotism’ are on top of his kink list. Back in Fal Dara Rand has firmly missed his chance to flounce off, distracted by sword and etiquette lessons from Lan. The Amyrlin Seat arrives with much pomp and circumstance (which, let me make it clear, I enjoy a lot, High Protocol power dynamics ftw) and Moiraine swaps all of Rand’s clothes to fancy ones (which, more than anything, seems to seal his fate for the rest of the book). In attempting, and failing, to run because someone’s commanded gates closed, Rand makes a mess of the ‘I’ll make my friends hate me for their own good’ tactic, and we are reminded of Mat’s luck and Perrin’sthick arms yellow eyes (don’t be shy bb). Egwene and Rand visit Fain, who is still creepy af, and fail to rub two braincells together about his effect on the guards and the other prisoners. We meet several new Aes Sedai and their colour-coded personalities, and get an update on the world- and White Tower politics. Moiraine catches up with her old bosom pal Siuan aka the Amyrlin Seat (whose right hand woman Leane is defo jel) with whom she’s been in cahoots since Rand’s very first wail, and Rand’s fate as the Dragon Reborn is confirmed. In Taraborn, one Whitecloak’s tolerance of blind obedience is tested as Bornhald thinks that maybe slaughtering whole villages is going a bit far? Liandrin mindfucks Lady Amalisa, Trollocs and Darkfriends spring Fain from prison and steal the Zombie Horn Horn of Valere and Mat’s Special Dagger of Evil (rude) but not before leaving a convenient message about where Rand’s next date with Ba’alzamon will be (not that he’ll wait that long).
Mat gets temporarily healed, we learn about Lanfear, Daughter of Night, I get points for calling the return of Isam (Lan’s cousin) and Verin turns out bemy absolute fave not as absent-minded as she seems. Perrin gets sexually harassed (still belabouring under the assumption that Rand knows something about women) and all the werewolf enhanced senses (pls the fic tropes are extant and plentiful). Rand attempts to apologise to his mates but gets whisked to hear about ~Destiny~ from Siuan, Moiraine and Verin who dredge up all his paternal angst, though at least he faces it with the best High Protocol posturing Lan can teach him whilst shoving him into a fancy jacket (bonus points for the Murder Walk) because Lan, it turns out, is a total troll. When he isn’t dramatic about denying his happiness and thrusting a ring at Nynaeve (okay, teenage me did swoon at this scene, but seriously poly is an option babies, it’s not like that isn’t coming elsewhere in the book…). Dramatic leavetakings are had. Egwene and Rand have their goodbye, someone takes a shot at Rand and scrapes the Amyrlin instead. Rand, Mat, Perrin and Loial head off to hunt the Zombie Horn with Ingtar (who deserves better), joined by a bloke who can smell violence (can you imagine how painful that would be to live with). Nynaeve and Egwene are carted off to Tar Valon. Meanwhile, in Illian, Captain Domon is having Very Bad, No Good Time of it, due to accidentally finding a broken devil’s seal in an antique shop (no responsible consumption under capitalism).
The Hunt does a lot of hard riding and Rand fails to win his buddies back although at least he shares the questionable news of his Dragon Reborn status, shored by his pretty clothes, pretty banner, and ‘oh btw you’re actually second in charge, surprise’ piece of news Moiraine has orchestrated (oh Rand, just give in). After some casual murder, crucified Myrdraal, skinned Darkfriends and Rand getting stuck in a fly-infested vision, he, Hurin and Loial take a nap next to a wrong stone and wake up in parallel universe. The positives of that is that Rand grows a bit more of a backbone and accepts some responsibility. The neutral of that is that he gets a lot more channelling practice in. The negative of that is Selene. Okay. I mean… We all know who Selene really is, right? Surely? It’s not subtle. Anyway, let’s keep it spoiler free and just call her a power hungry Cairhien noblewoman who flusters Rand effectively enough to shake loose all the smarts. She has some competition though as Ba’alzamon shows up to speak almost entirely in exclamation marks at Rand again (and adds ‘branding’ to his kink list) about their enemies to lovers soul bond (‘sometimes old enemies figth so long that they become allies…’, ‘time has tied a thousand cords between us’, ‘touch you? I can consume you’). Meanwhile, Egwene and Nynaeve have some hard Aes Sedai lessons on the way to Tar Valon and I get really tired of Nynaeve not being able to see past her dislike of Moiraine (like yes, she’s manipulated people and events but the fact Rand is a Dragon Reborn isn’t actually her fault). There’s some questionable pedagogic techniques, accidental fire and Egwene being burdened with Dreaming. Back on the Hunt, Perrin gets his wolfname and makes some progress with working through his own brand of denial, while Verin (I love her and her fretting Warden) catches up.
After getting increasingly frustrated in her attempts to manipulate Rand, Selene finally forces his hand enough that he channels all of them back to our universe, where he just up and steals the Zombie Horn and Mat’s Cursed Dagger from under Fain’s nose. The victory is short-lived though because Rand has very firm ideas about what do with them and where to take them. After Saidin out (like zoning out, but with Saidin, this is what we’re calling it now) at a big orb meme statue, they promptly get tangled with Cairhien Game of Houses though Selene doesn’t stick around to find out how that goes. Meanwhile in Arafel, staying with an older Aes Sedai/Warden poly trio, Moiraine and Lan have a heart-to-heart about their bond, or well, Moiraine all but says that when she croaks it he’ll be passed Nynaeve’s way like a hunky present. Moiraine almost gets killed by a winged beastie while in Tar Valon Nynaeve passes her testing into Accepted by battling with ghost of past, present and future, Egwene meets her future sister wives (see, canon precedence!) as Elayne and Min make a welcome return. We leave Rand and co in Cairhien, discovering that… Gasp! Thom is alive!
In Cairhien Rand hopes for a joyous reunion with Thom who has found himself a young GF, immediately blabs everything to him, but gets firmly rejected for his trouble. Ba'alzamon's evil plan seems to be to throw enough trollocs and darkfriends at Rand to force him to use OP (One Power), which… sort of works except when Rand is having some performance issues. He and Loial do off some and then run into ‘Selene’ whilst dodging trouble and instead being at least a little suspicious of this coincidence, they decide to go blow up a fireworks factory, as you do. ‘Selene’ of course sticks around only long enough to get frustrated anew by Rand’s refusal to ‘think of the glory’. Elsewhere Perrin learns Rand’s wolfname while Ingtar gets increasing obsessive about finding the zombie horn and the Shienaran party almost dances with an Aielman called Urien who does some cultural exchange about their OP channelling women and their search for their chosen one (Rand, obvs, the boy crops up in every culture). Elsewhere still, we learn that Hawkwing’s greatgreatgreatetc nieces and nephews had not internalised the ‘and stay away’ message he’d clearly tried to convey and are instead back terrorising villagers and making them swear incomprehensible oaths. Bornhald thinks this should take primacy over torturing said villagers themselves, nevermind what his secretly darkfriend torturer buddies say and honestly, good for him. Captain Domon’s luck runs out and he is ‘encouraged’ toward Falme by Seanchan patrol and their damane, which give petplay a bad name, all for the privilege of storytime with the high lord. We learn that even though they are into slavery, the Seanchean at least have coffee apparently so there’s that. Back in Cairhien, the whole of the high society thirsts for Rand to play their special Great Game with them but suffer the same disappointment as every other person or entity trying to manipulate this lovable himbo. They manage to lose the cursed dagger and the zombie horn again, though Rand does snatch his fancy banner from the flames. Ingtar and co finally catch up, Rand notices Mat’s cheekbones for the first time while Perrin notices how well leadership suits Rand and achieves some personal acceptance. Plan is hatched to get them to Barthanes’s fancy party to retrieve the dagger and the horn, where Rand gets to practice being a lord again and gets sexually harassed by some ladies. Turns out Barthanes has a sneaky Waygate in his garden that Trollocs and darkfriends have whisked them trinkets away through. Rand and co open it just enough to hear the Black Wind get all personal about its sadistic fantasies, and in an effort to close the gate Rand has a little saidin overdose (“He was a pool of the One Power”, uh-huh, thanks for that mental image). Fain leaves a little message, blackmailing Rand into a date in Toman Head ‘or else’. Thom’s gf gets gratuitously fridged even though there were at least three other obvious motives to keen him in the plot. Disappointing.
In Falme, Fain takes his loot to the High Lord Turak and ingratiates himself in this court, whilst fantasising about murder, although it sounds like even he has something to learn from torture at the Court of Nine Moons. Rand and co visit Stedding Tsofu to try and access another Waygate, Loial turns out to be A Catch and moons over a love interest whilst trying to dodge potential arranged marriage. There’s an awkward run in with some Maidens of the Spear where everyone behaves like cats who unexpectedly run into each other in the garden, not really wanting to fight but too embarrassed not to at least hiss a bit while the Ogier get the hose. Unfortunately, the Stedding Waygate also has the Black Wind waiting like a guard dog so a Portal Stone it is, meaning Rand has another good reason for tapping into pool ofmale essence saidin. This time, he accidentally gives everyone a special episode of ‘might have beens’ that lasts about four months, but at least that’s more interesting than another description of a long trip. Meanwhile in Tar Valon Egwene, Nynaeve and their new friends Elayne and Min talk politics and the addictive properties of saidar, and utterly fail to see a trap when it snaps at them. Instead they follow Liandrin through a Waygate, have some conversations that fail the Bechdel test, and fall straight into the waiting arms of Seancheans. Liandrin is revealed to be a darkfriend to the surprise of no one (honestly it would have been better if she hadn’t been) and is trying to ensure Egwene and Nynaeve get sent across the ocean. Egwene gets a collar and weeks of torture which is described in enough detail that one suspects Jordan needed to work through some things, though at least it isn’t men holding the leash which would have been worse. Nynaeve and Elayne track her down to Falme. Rand has another special visit from Ba’alzamon who honestly doesn’t seem to recognise the problem in his ‘only I can set you free, to serve under me’ sale’s pitch.
In the last few chapters of the book everything happens at the same time in more or less the same place as the Wheel weaves an almighty knot into the Pattern. Nynaeve and Elayne hook up with Min and Captain Domon and hatch a rescue plan. This involves trapping a sul’dam and putting a collar on her for a change as Nynaeve has figured out how to use them. After some conflicted ‘is it okay to torture torturers’ introspection they sneak in to get Egwene out. She, understandably, works through her trauma with a water pitcher and minor earthquake during the escape. Meanwhile, Rand, Mat, Perrin, Hurin and Ingtar sneak into Falme and High Lord Turak’s house to steal back the horn and dagger but run into a trap! Rand and Turak have an epic sword fight that no one except the servants even gets to see, Rand somehow emerging victorious (I get that he’s the chosen one but have trouble believing that somehow translates to decades of sword practice). Meanwhile still, Bornhald, who has gone rogue and taken his Whitecloak splinter cell to Falme, is riding down toward the city for his last hurrah (aww, I’ll kind of miss him). During the escape Ingtar finally breaks down and is revealed to be a Darkfriend (gasp!) albeit a penintent one, and sacrifices himself to buy Rand and others time. They make good use of it by blowing on the zombie horn! Specifically, Mat does that which honestly, about time he got to do something other than wither and whine. Perrin takes up the dragon banner like a champ and the boys, Hurin and about hundred ghost heroes of the legend also ride toward Falme to crash spectacularly with the Seanchans. They are, however, upstaged by Rand’s second epic battle of the day, this time with Ba’alzamon who isn’t about to be left out of a chance to showcase their special connection and outs them to the whole world via sky TV (not the Murdoch one). Min drags Rand’s unconscious body to bed, Lanfear reveals herself (erm, we know who she was, yes?) and there’s some entirely boring angst about who Rand will marry. Eventually Rand wakes up from his nap, finds Egwene, Nynaeve and Elayne (who rescued themselves which he is a little disappointed about) have returned to Tar Valon and taken Mat with them, leaving Rand in the care of Min and Moiraine. Perrin is there too, presumably to remind himself that as much as he angsts about the wolves, it could always be worse. We end with a a dramatic and satisfying genre trope of Shienarans falling to their knees and swearing loyalty to the reluctant Dragon Reborn. THE END.
***
As the Re/Read Book Club over at
tar_valon progresses, I've been doing summaries of questionable taste and accuracy. I'm just cross-posting them here for posterity, 2 books worth at a time. Here, the first two. Banners by
r_tt_n - grab them on tar_valon Book 1: The Eye of the World, Kat's Extreme Readers' Digest, The Irreverent Edition
In the prologue someone called Lews is having a Very Bad, No Good day and copes with it by creating a big mountain, because fuck it. We start our adventure with a boy and his dad and some booze barrels, traveling through non-existent spring and encountering a creepy rider. Key characters are introduced via the vehicle of No One Gets To Have Beltaine Fun, and we learn that for someone Actually Quite Smart, Rand is also often An Idiot (a recurring theme), Mat is Curious and Clever (but also An Idiot) and Perrin is Swole and Sweet and everyone thinks that means he's also dumb which actually suits him just fine. Egwene is eager for bigger and better things of which marriage is not one, and Nynaeve is angry all the time, which, I get it sister. I get it. There are Strangers in the village, and Moiraine and Lan are described in vivid detail down to jewellery and Lan's 'blue as a midwinter dawn' eyes (oh ay). Thom Merrilin and Padan Fain arrive with news of war and we get the first sense of Things Are Afoot in the World. In Ch5 action kicks in as Tam and Rand fight trollocs and encounter a Myrdraal (as we now learn what the creepy Black Rider was), Tam's Heron-marked sword and feverish mumbles foreshadow some significant plot points to come (I'm pretty sure everyone got that, it wasn't subtle). Moiraine turns out to be - gasp! - Aes Sedai, saves Tam and displays her emotional manipulation skills by convincing the boys that they need to leave with her for the 'safety of the village' because they 'have no choice' (not saying she's wrong but you know, skilled). First of many (so many, quickly so tedious) dream sequences ensues, Rand says goodbye to his dad (he is my dad, he is, tantrum!), Moiraine tells a cracking tale of Manetheren, and Egwene is Not About To Be Left Behind. Kat rolls eyes at the sword, ax, bow division of weaponry which is, erm, familiar...
Big Scary Run to the Taren Ferry which Moiraine promptly sinks, because why not. Rand is being a dickhead about Egwene's revealed abilities, but at least he realises that. I write 'god shut up' and 'why is he both so smart and so stupid at the same time?' many times in the margins. After more time on the road we arrive in Baerlon, and meet Min (love her) who provides some Big Time Foreshadowing with her ability, and the Children of the Light who provide the religious fundamentalism vibes any good fantasy series needs, for realism. We have our next weird dream sequence and Rand
In ch20 the party is broken up and we get a first pov change (first Perrin and then Nynaeve in ch21) which is actually refreshing because I was getting a bit tired of Rand. Nynaeve is revealed to also be able to channel One Power and demonstrates one of the qualities I always liked about her best: she doesn’t let herself stay in denial for very long when learning something, no matter how unpleasant. Perrin, with Egwene tagging along, starts his own journey with the wolves and meeting Elyas Machera and a bit later we are also introduced to the ‘Traveling People’ i.e. every Roma stereotype ever, who provide some convenient exposition about Far Dares Mai and the Aiel and their prophecy… Meanwhile, on a ship, Rand and Mat have more spooky dreams with ‘only the ladies think he’s a handsome devil, not me’ Ba’alzamon and Mat gets broodier because of the Cursed Dagger which he even admits taking and yet no one makes the connection oh my god, while Rand has another out of body experience, this time swinging from the ship’s mast. Literally. Thom is exasperated. We get to Whitebridge and Mat needs a slap and Thom... Nooo, Thom :(
Perrin spends some time with the Tuatha’an, fretting, dreaming of Ba’alzamon (who the wolves call Heartfang we learn), trying very hard not to think about the wolves, disapproving Egwene’s dancing with handsome Aram and getting flustered by girls. Incidentally, it’s hilarious how he is all ‘oh I wish Rand was here, he knows about girls’ whilst elsewhere Rand also constantly thinks ‘oh Perrin is so smooth with the ladies, I wish Perrin was here to guide me’. In White Bridge we encounter some Andorrian militia for the first time while Nynaeve angsts about her One Power (OP) abilities and I get annoyed with how she and Moiraine are constantly pitted against other and just want to be like ‘women supporting women, c’mon!’ Elyas, Egwene, Perrin and the wolves (Perrin: ‘lalala what wolves’?) have a rather exciting trek, being chased and very nearly pecked to death by ravens (terrible typecasting of corvids) except they get to a stedding on time. I suspect Jordan failed basic gardening as he keeps referring to ‘weeds’ whilst the characters are traipsing through wild grasslands which makes zero sense. A little nod to Arthurian legend with Artur Paendrag Tanreall (familiar sounding eh), Artur Hawkwing and his giant statute. Perrin angsts over his ability to mercy kill people with his big axe and Elyas tells him not to be so dramatic. At least he soon gets a proper reason for being maudlin as he and Egwene are captured by Children of the Light, two of which Perrin presumably kills wolf-stylee by tearing their throats out with his teeth (is this in the TV show? I hope so!). I don’t know if it’s on purpose but the religious zealots are way scarier than any of the actual Darkfriends. I learn a new word (gibbet).
The unnecessary time-jumpy order in which Mat and Rand’s travels are described (not to mention the continuation error of when they get the scarves) causes some frustration. Rand is still having paternal angst (he is my father but is he no he is but what if jfc) and Mat’s descent to cursed dagger paranoia is not even a little subtle but no one rubs two braincells together about it, too busy with the singing and juggling. They get almost robbed and shanked by a greedy innkeeper and a Darkfriend on the same night and Rand accidentally on purpose discovers his OP mojo and makes with the lightning. I’m pretty sure I didn’t make the connection between that and the short-term illness that followed the first time but this time I sure had a smug ‘oooh I get it’ experience. There’s some nice h/c and caretaking Mat/Rand with Rand’s sickness and Mat’s temporary vision problems and the shared nightmares if you’re into that. Ba’alzamon keeps dream thirsting for our heroes (‘you belong to me, kneel at my feet, I mark you as mine’, like it’s very, uh, specific) and they almost get shanked by yet another Darkfriend. A chatty cart rider provides a lift to Caemlyn and convenient politics exposition about the tangled relationship between Queen of Andor and Tar Valon, and some foreshadowing with the ‘The Queen is wed to the land, but the Dragon… The Dragon is one with the land, and the land is one with the Dragon’. Finally in the Big City, we learn about Thom’s courtly past, Mat goes fully unhinged and Rand meets a tufty eared Ogier who drops some home truths about Rand’s ancestry and being ta’veren. Meanwhile, somewhere in the grasslands, Nynaeve, Moiraine and Lan rescue Egwene and Perrin from the Fundies of Light, whose penchant for torture is described in graphic detail. Back in Caemlyn, Rand is almost caught by Padan Fain (not named but pretty obvious), sees the False Dragon and falls right into the laps of Andor’s Daughter-Heir and First Prince of the Sword who take a fancy to him. Rand has some vaguely queer thoughts about their step-brother (‘the handsomest man Rand had ever seen, almost too handsome for masculinity’) and gets an Aes Sedai foretelling of pain and division.
At last the party is united, which is kind of shame because for some reason it means we’ll stick firmly to Rand’s pov for the rest of the book. For someone who willingly held Mat ‘like a baby’ when he was having nightmares, Rand can’t make himself to just hug Perrin and tries to shake his hand instead. He does almost immediately fixate on his new yellow eyes and ‘intensity of his gaze’ which is understandable. Mat gets exorcised and we are all cheated because having the following chapter from his pov would’ve been so much better. Anyway, lots of discussions and confessions are had, Rand and Egwene have a jealousy spat (god, happy polyfam is always the solution) and in the end everyone does as Moiraine (who is revealed to be of Blue Ajah) sees best (obvs) and troops after Loial to secret Ways for some between worlds travel though not before Ba’alzamon makes another special dream visit to his favourite boys. After fumbling around in the dark of the Ways for a couple of days (‘where do they go to the loo?’ I have written in the margins, these are my priorities) and narrowly escaping a really graphically sadistic evil wind (‘flesh so fine, so fine to tear…’ etc) our heroes pop out in Shienar. Lan is greeted like the returning king he is, recites some poetry and gets his tragic backstory revealed while Nynaeve has some feelings about all of it. Padan Fain catches up and turns out to have been thoroughly mind-fucked by the Dark One. Our heroes ride off to
By the skin of their teeth they reach
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Book 2: The Great Hunt, Kat's Extreme Readers' Digest, The Irreverent Edition
In the prologue we learn that Darkfriends are everywhere (spot the traitor!), the head torturer of Whitecloaks is in fact proper evil, not just misguided, and that Ba’alzamon is still thirsty for our heroes and that ‘mind-fucks’ and ‘evil erotic hypnotism’ are on top of his kink list. Back in Fal Dara Rand has firmly missed his chance to flounce off, distracted by sword and etiquette lessons from Lan. The Amyrlin Seat arrives with much pomp and circumstance (which, let me make it clear, I enjoy a lot, High Protocol power dynamics ftw) and Moiraine swaps all of Rand’s clothes to fancy ones (which, more than anything, seems to seal his fate for the rest of the book). In attempting, and failing, to run because someone’s commanded gates closed, Rand makes a mess of the ‘I’ll make my friends hate me for their own good’ tactic, and we are reminded of Mat’s luck and Perrin’s
Mat gets temporarily healed, we learn about Lanfear, Daughter of Night, I get points for calling the return of Isam (Lan’s cousin) and Verin turns out be
The Hunt does a lot of hard riding and Rand fails to win his buddies back although at least he shares the questionable news of his Dragon Reborn status, shored by his pretty clothes, pretty banner, and ‘oh btw you’re actually second in charge, surprise’ piece of news Moiraine has orchestrated (oh Rand, just give in). After some casual murder, crucified Myrdraal, skinned Darkfriends and Rand getting stuck in a fly-infested vision, he, Hurin and Loial take a nap next to a wrong stone and wake up in parallel universe. The positives of that is that Rand grows a bit more of a backbone and accepts some responsibility. The neutral of that is that he gets a lot more channelling practice in. The negative of that is Selene. Okay. I mean… We all know who Selene really is, right? Surely? It’s not subtle. Anyway, let’s keep it spoiler free and just call her a power hungry Cairhien noblewoman who flusters Rand effectively enough to shake loose all the smarts. She has some competition though as Ba’alzamon shows up to speak almost entirely in exclamation marks at Rand again (and adds ‘branding’ to his kink list) about their enemies to lovers soul bond (‘sometimes old enemies figth so long that they become allies…’, ‘time has tied a thousand cords between us’, ‘touch you? I can consume you’). Meanwhile, Egwene and Nynaeve have some hard Aes Sedai lessons on the way to Tar Valon and I get really tired of Nynaeve not being able to see past her dislike of Moiraine (like yes, she’s manipulated people and events but the fact Rand is a Dragon Reborn isn’t actually her fault). There’s some questionable pedagogic techniques, accidental fire and Egwene being burdened with Dreaming. Back on the Hunt, Perrin gets his wolfname and makes some progress with working through his own brand of denial, while Verin (I love her and her fretting Warden) catches up.
After getting increasingly frustrated in her attempts to manipulate Rand, Selene finally forces his hand enough that he channels all of them back to our universe, where he just up and steals the Zombie Horn and Mat’s Cursed Dagger from under Fain’s nose. The victory is short-lived though because Rand has very firm ideas about what do with them and where to take them. After Saidin out (like zoning out, but with Saidin, this is what we’re calling it now) at a big orb meme statue, they promptly get tangled with Cairhien Game of Houses though Selene doesn’t stick around to find out how that goes. Meanwhile in Arafel, staying with an older Aes Sedai/Warden poly trio, Moiraine and Lan have a heart-to-heart about their bond, or well, Moiraine all but says that when she croaks it he’ll be passed Nynaeve’s way like a hunky present. Moiraine almost gets killed by a winged beastie while in Tar Valon Nynaeve passes her testing into Accepted by battling with ghost of past, present and future, Egwene meets her future sister wives (see, canon precedence!) as Elayne and Min make a welcome return. We leave Rand and co in Cairhien, discovering that… Gasp! Thom is alive!
In Cairhien Rand hopes for a joyous reunion with Thom who has found himself a young GF, immediately blabs everything to him, but gets firmly rejected for his trouble. Ba'alzamon's evil plan seems to be to throw enough trollocs and darkfriends at Rand to force him to use OP (One Power), which… sort of works except when Rand is having some performance issues. He and Loial do off some and then run into ‘Selene’ whilst dodging trouble and instead being at least a little suspicious of this coincidence, they decide to go blow up a fireworks factory, as you do. ‘Selene’ of course sticks around only long enough to get frustrated anew by Rand’s refusal to ‘think of the glory’. Elsewhere Perrin learns Rand’s wolfname while Ingtar gets increasing obsessive about finding the zombie horn and the Shienaran party almost dances with an Aielman called Urien who does some cultural exchange about their OP channelling women and their search for their chosen one (Rand, obvs, the boy crops up in every culture). Elsewhere still, we learn that Hawkwing’s greatgreatgreatetc nieces and nephews had not internalised the ‘and stay away’ message he’d clearly tried to convey and are instead back terrorising villagers and making them swear incomprehensible oaths. Bornhald thinks this should take primacy over torturing said villagers themselves, nevermind what his secretly darkfriend torturer buddies say and honestly, good for him. Captain Domon’s luck runs out and he is ‘encouraged’ toward Falme by Seanchan patrol and their damane, which give petplay a bad name, all for the privilege of storytime with the high lord. We learn that even though they are into slavery, the Seanchean at least have coffee apparently so there’s that. Back in Cairhien, the whole of the high society thirsts for Rand to play their special Great Game with them but suffer the same disappointment as every other person or entity trying to manipulate this lovable himbo. They manage to lose the cursed dagger and the zombie horn again, though Rand does snatch his fancy banner from the flames. Ingtar and co finally catch up, Rand notices Mat’s cheekbones for the first time while Perrin notices how well leadership suits Rand and achieves some personal acceptance. Plan is hatched to get them to Barthanes’s fancy party to retrieve the dagger and the horn, where Rand gets to practice being a lord again and gets sexually harassed by some ladies. Turns out Barthanes has a sneaky Waygate in his garden that Trollocs and darkfriends have whisked them trinkets away through. Rand and co open it just enough to hear the Black Wind get all personal about its sadistic fantasies, and in an effort to close the gate Rand has a little saidin overdose (“He was a pool of the One Power”, uh-huh, thanks for that mental image). Fain leaves a little message, blackmailing Rand into a date in Toman Head ‘or else’. Thom’s gf gets gratuitously fridged even though there were at least three other obvious motives to keen him in the plot. Disappointing.
In Falme, Fain takes his loot to the High Lord Turak and ingratiates himself in this court, whilst fantasising about murder, although it sounds like even he has something to learn from torture at the Court of Nine Moons. Rand and co visit Stedding Tsofu to try and access another Waygate, Loial turns out to be A Catch and moons over a love interest whilst trying to dodge potential arranged marriage. There’s an awkward run in with some Maidens of the Spear where everyone behaves like cats who unexpectedly run into each other in the garden, not really wanting to fight but too embarrassed not to at least hiss a bit while the Ogier get the hose. Unfortunately, the Stedding Waygate also has the Black Wind waiting like a guard dog so a Portal Stone it is, meaning Rand has another good reason for tapping into pool of
In the last few chapters of the book everything happens at the same time in more or less the same place as the Wheel weaves an almighty knot into the Pattern. Nynaeve and Elayne hook up with Min and Captain Domon and hatch a rescue plan. This involves trapping a sul’dam and putting a collar on her for a change as Nynaeve has figured out how to use them. After some conflicted ‘is it okay to torture torturers’ introspection they sneak in to get Egwene out. She, understandably, works through her trauma with a water pitcher and minor earthquake during the escape. Meanwhile, Rand, Mat, Perrin, Hurin and Ingtar sneak into Falme and High Lord Turak’s house to steal back the horn and dagger but run into a trap! Rand and Turak have an epic sword fight that no one except the servants even gets to see, Rand somehow emerging victorious (I get that he’s the chosen one but have trouble believing that somehow translates to decades of sword practice). Meanwhile still, Bornhald, who has gone rogue and taken his Whitecloak splinter cell to Falme, is riding down toward the city for his last hurrah (aww, I’ll kind of miss him). During the escape Ingtar finally breaks down and is revealed to be a Darkfriend (gasp!) albeit a penintent one, and sacrifices himself to buy Rand and others time. They make good use of it by blowing on the zombie horn! Specifically, Mat does that which honestly, about time he got to do something other than wither and whine. Perrin takes up the dragon banner like a champ and the boys, Hurin and about hundred ghost heroes of the legend also ride toward Falme to crash spectacularly with the Seanchans. They are, however, upstaged by Rand’s second epic battle of the day, this time with Ba’alzamon who isn’t about to be left out of a chance to showcase their special connection and outs them to the whole world via sky TV (not the Murdoch one). Min drags Rand’s unconscious body to bed, Lanfear reveals herself (erm, we know who she was, yes?) and there’s some entirely boring angst about who Rand will marry. Eventually Rand wakes up from his nap, finds Egwene, Nynaeve and Elayne (who rescued themselves which he is a little disappointed about) have returned to Tar Valon and taken Mat with them, leaving Rand in the care of Min and Moiraine. Perrin is there too, presumably to remind himself that as much as he angsts about the wolves, it could always be worse. We end with a a dramatic and satisfying genre trope of Shienarans falling to their knees and swearing loyalty to the reluctant Dragon Reborn. THE END.
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