Deadpool Ficlet: Retrogression
Jul. 29th, 2020 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kat_lair***
Summary: Some days start bad and get worse.
Author notes: Prompt = the first sentence. This #20 of my 100 Fandoms Challenge. Joint AO3 Collection here.
Retrogression on AO3
Some days start bad and get worse.
Others start truly fucking hideous and somehow still manage to reach new ghastly depths of shittiness.
Wade was experiencing the latter. Hard, like getting dicked dry by the universe that didn’t care for his pleasure.
For the record, Wade was currently not enjoying himself. The universe was not a considerate lover. Then again, he’d already known that and gotten out of bed this morning anyway so maybe he had no one else to blame except himself.
“Listen fellas,” he said to the guys pointing several very big guns at his head. “This is probably my fault.”
The fellas looked surprised. Or at least Wade thought that’s what they looked like. It was difficult to tell, considering he was currently hanging upside down above an honest to god vat of acid.
“I’m just saying that I should have expected this. Or something like it. And I know, I know,” Wade said. “Being the universe’s bitch is… Well, a bitch.” He tried to shrug but was severely hampered by the layers of rope tying his arms tightly to his torso. “You shouldn’t blame yourself too hard for becoming tools for a higher purpose.”
“Shut him up,” someone from out of sight ordered. Wade was pretty sure the voice belonged to the person writing the paycheque for this particular group of tools, and very much looked forward to acquainting himself with its owner, preferably with something sharp and metallic.
Maybe something like the bullet someone shot into his throat, right through his spinal cord. It was effective enough that Wade actually lost the plot for a minute or so there while the nerves re-established the contact between his brain and the rest of his body.
When he next registered anything beyond ‘ouch’ the world was swaying alarmingly and streaked in red. Or, to be more accurate, he was swaying on the rope, still suspended above the barrel of acid – fuck this James Bond villain shit really – blood running in rivulets over his face.
“Glulkrk?” he said, air whistling through his open thorax like Charlie Chaplin with a knapsack.
“Quit clowning around, Wade.” Logan’s face swam into brief focus as he pushed the acid bath to the side and then unceremoniously tipped it in the direction of the screaming goons. “Got something urgent that needs your skillset.”
“Oh?” Wade asked. “Finally admitted your thirst and want to take a dip in the Pool to quench it?” Or at least that’s what he tried to say. In actuality, it came out as a series of garbled gurgles, his vocal cords still in the process of knitting themselves together.
Seemed Logan got the gist of it anyway, judging by the stray middle claw he tossed in Wade’s direction before slicing it into one of the unlucky tools.
Wade sighed. Well, gargled. He did so with a feeling too. He’d honestly thought that this had been the low point of the day but looked like the universe had more to give.
Lucky him.
Well, if life had thought him anything, it was that the best way was usually straight through. Wade dislocated both shoulders and started working his way out of the ropes himself, since Edward Scissorhands over there seemed a tad preoccupied. Maybe Wade wasn’t the only one having a bad day. And maybe, just maybe, he could do something about it and give the universe one in return for a change.
Worth a try.
***
Title: Retrogression
Author: kat_lair / Mistress Kat
kat_lair / Mistress KatFandom: Deadpool
Characters/Pairing: Wade & Logan, a bit flirty
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 576
Disclaimer: Not mine, only playing.
Summary: Some days start bad and get worse.
Author notes: Prompt = the first sentence. This #20 of my 100 Fandoms Challenge. Joint AO3 Collection here.
Retrogression on AO3
Some days start bad and get worse.
Others start truly fucking hideous and somehow still manage to reach new ghastly depths of shittiness.
Wade was experiencing the latter. Hard, like getting dicked dry by the universe that didn’t care for his pleasure.
For the record, Wade was currently not enjoying himself. The universe was not a considerate lover. Then again, he’d already known that and gotten out of bed this morning anyway so maybe he had no one else to blame except himself.
“Listen fellas,” he said to the guys pointing several very big guns at his head. “This is probably my fault.”
The fellas looked surprised. Or at least Wade thought that’s what they looked like. It was difficult to tell, considering he was currently hanging upside down above an honest to god vat of acid.
“I’m just saying that I should have expected this. Or something like it. And I know, I know,” Wade said. “Being the universe’s bitch is… Well, a bitch.” He tried to shrug but was severely hampered by the layers of rope tying his arms tightly to his torso. “You shouldn’t blame yourself too hard for becoming tools for a higher purpose.”
“Shut him up,” someone from out of sight ordered. Wade was pretty sure the voice belonged to the person writing the paycheque for this particular group of tools, and very much looked forward to acquainting himself with its owner, preferably with something sharp and metallic.
Maybe something like the bullet someone shot into his throat, right through his spinal cord. It was effective enough that Wade actually lost the plot for a minute or so there while the nerves re-established the contact between his brain and the rest of his body.
When he next registered anything beyond ‘ouch’ the world was swaying alarmingly and streaked in red. Or, to be more accurate, he was swaying on the rope, still suspended above the barrel of acid – fuck this James Bond villain shit really – blood running in rivulets over his face.
“Glulkrk?” he said, air whistling through his open thorax like Charlie Chaplin with a knapsack.
“Quit clowning around, Wade.” Logan’s face swam into brief focus as he pushed the acid bath to the side and then unceremoniously tipped it in the direction of the screaming goons. “Got something urgent that needs your skillset.”
“Oh?” Wade asked. “Finally admitted your thirst and want to take a dip in the Pool to quench it?” Or at least that’s what he tried to say. In actuality, it came out as a series of garbled gurgles, his vocal cords still in the process of knitting themselves together.
Seemed Logan got the gist of it anyway, judging by the stray middle claw he tossed in Wade’s direction before slicing it into one of the unlucky tools.
Wade sighed. Well, gargled. He did so with a feeling too. He’d honestly thought that this had been the low point of the day but looked like the universe had more to give.
Lucky him.
Well, if life had thought him anything, it was that the best way was usually straight through. Wade dislocated both shoulders and started working his way out of the ropes himself, since Edward Scissorhands over there seemed a tad preoccupied. Maybe Wade wasn’t the only one having a bad day. And maybe, just maybe, he could do something about it and give the universe one in return for a change.
Worth a try.
***