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better late than never, right?
So, a long time ago I did the meme where I asked people to...
Comment with a story I've written, and I will tell you one thing I knew, learned, or wondered about while writing the story that didn't make it onto the page.
And, um, I’m now getting to the answers. Ooopsies?
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pushkin666 asked about Five Things about Hustler!Sam (Supernatural, hints of Dean/Sam, R)
Well, there’s a whole story here that didn’t make it onto the page. Indeed, this is the epic hustler!Sam wincest fic that lives in my head, presented in five snapshots. However, if I had to pick one theme, one thing that is part of my personal canon, the way I see Sam’s character, it would be this: Sam is all about control. Up until the moment he left for Stanford, wrenching himself away, he had none. I see hustling as essential part of this. He’s making money, surviving, on his own terms, using his body the way he chooses. He controls when, he controls who, he controls how much. It’s not so far removed from his characterisation in canon; Sam trying so hard to control his powers, his demon side. I think essentially Sam sees both his body and mind as tools, for him to use when and how he chooses.
Of course, the thing about control, about power, is that you can’t truly understand what it is or how to use it, until you’ve learnt to let it go.
trialia asked about Moth (Firefly, Inara/River preslash, PG-13)
This was such an interesting ficlet to write; new fandom, new genre. I don’t know if I learned something per se, but it did remind me of two important things: 1. I really should write female characters more, 2. I really love writing characters who are insane/drunk/both, something about the freedom to twist mental processes and mix everything up until it makes sense to select few. This remains one of the fics I’m most proud of in terms of language.
My interpretation of River is almost like a flipside of what I said about Sam. River is very clearly not in control of her mind or her body. She is as surprised by what she knows, what she can do, as anyone else. I think she wants that control back, but unlike Sam she’s not trying to force it. In many ways she’s resigned to wait. I don’t mean that she’s a victim, far from it. I simply think that River seems to understand that she can’t fight it. That if she just waits, tries to minimise the collateral damage and fit in around the crew, then one day she’ll blink and turn the corner and all the pieces will slip back into place like they were never torn apart to begin with.
zeitheist asked about if you are the rhyme and i the refrain (Robin Hood, Much/Robin, NC-17)
I broke myself a little with this fic. It was supposed to be straightforward tree!porn, but as usual I can’t write PWP without other stuff infringing on my porn. So it became about love, about the pain love turns to when it’s impossible. Bruises keep things safe, hurt makes the love justifiable. The thing I learned from this story is that no matter how much I love reading shmoopy fics with happy endings, in my heart of hearts I don’t believe Robin and Much will ever have one. Theirs is a relationship burdened with too much hurt, too many restrictions and sacrifices and choices that never were choices to begin with. The coda that I wrote for this fic (Ceasura) is a realistic ending for me, but sadly, in canon, I think Much will not have the strength to let Robin go.
sadiane asked about The One With The Scratches (but Absolutely, Definitely, Positively No Talking) (Supernatural, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
anywhere_road ‘verse, Andy/Ash, PG-13)
This is a tricky one to answer... Because if I start to talk about all the things that didn’t make it to this story (but might do to others) or I wondered about, I may never stop.anywhere_road is a lovechild of zeitheist and I, and the rumours of its abandonment have been vastly exaggerated. I’ll be reccing it properly at not too distant future, but those interested should run, not walk, to Play Hearts, Kid immediately.
Anyway, one of the most fascinating things about Andy and Ash and their relationship as we’ve written it in the ‘verse is how it develops. Because they’re doing things almost backwards. Within five weeks of meeting each other, Ash uses sex (and a lot of Tequila, which meant they didn’t really get that far) to essentially seduce Andy into becoming a hunter and embarking on a crazy dangerous adventure with him, when really all he would have had to do was ask. Because it’s not like Andy had other plans, he didn’t have a home anymore, he had nothing, and here Ash was offering something long-term, something permanent, a partnership, a place to belong to. And just because that place happened to be the driver’s seat of his own van, next to a redneck stoner who may or may not be a certifiable genius, wasn’t a reason to say no. In fact, and Andy will deny this if you ask him, it might have actually made the offer more tempting.
And before they knew it, they were on the road, fighting evil (with varying success), living in closed quarters and trusting each other with their lives. And really, with circumstances like that you either become friends or commit homicide early on. But somewhere at the back of their minds Ash still remembers the taste of Andy’s mouth, lime-sharp and pliant, and Andy remembers the feeling of Ash’s body over his, effortlessly pressing him against the pool table. So next time they get drunk, and a little high, Andy cocks his hip just so, just to see, and Ash leans closer than he really needs to, his thumb brushing over the bird-bone thinness of Andy’s wrist. Ash asks something that Andy can’t make sense of but answers anyway, mouth inches from Ash’s and it’s, it’s an invitation right? Ash blinks, he blinks and the room is spinning around them and when Andy catches up they’re already kissing, slow and heavy, and the carpet is disgusting, leaving burns all over Andy’s back and Ash’s knees, marks that linger for days.
So, what we’re hinting in most of the stories, what we’re trying to show without telling, is the progression of Ash and Andy’s relationship. It’s not even really about sex (except how it is) because sex is just a symptom to track the illness, how it goes from being means to an end, to something they do when they’re drunk, to something they do even when sober because they want to. How it goes from being a separate thing to being an integral part of who they are and what they mean to each other. And how it all happens without them ever really talking about it. Essentially,anywhere_road is a story of how Andy and Ash become AndyandAsh. How two minor characters who never even met in canon, and then were summarily and unnecessarily killed off, show themselves to be worthy of an epic. Yes, we want to make you love them at least half as much as we do, but more than that we want to make you believe in them, this possibility of something more, the world we have built – a world where Andy and Ash become hunters in their own right, save people, kick evil’s ass and find a home with each other while they’re at it; a world where the story doesn’t end and the road goes ever on.
You see what I meant about not being able to shut up?
***
Huh, well that killed a couple of hours. Really, my morning has been spent writing that, transferring Gossip Girl episodes (I can feel you all judging me) onto Gabatini and drinking tea. Now I'm going to go and clean the bathroom. Fuck yeah my life is interesting.
Comment with a story I've written, and I will tell you one thing I knew, learned, or wondered about while writing the story that didn't make it onto the page.
And, um, I’m now getting to the answers. Ooopsies?
pushkin666 asked about Five Things about Hustler!Sam (Supernatural, hints of Dean/Sam, R)Well, there’s a whole story here that didn’t make it onto the page. Indeed, this is the epic hustler!Sam wincest fic that lives in my head, presented in five snapshots. However, if I had to pick one theme, one thing that is part of my personal canon, the way I see Sam’s character, it would be this: Sam is all about control. Up until the moment he left for Stanford, wrenching himself away, he had none. I see hustling as essential part of this. He’s making money, surviving, on his own terms, using his body the way he chooses. He controls when, he controls who, he controls how much. It’s not so far removed from his characterisation in canon; Sam trying so hard to control his powers, his demon side. I think essentially Sam sees both his body and mind as tools, for him to use when and how he chooses.
Of course, the thing about control, about power, is that you can’t truly understand what it is or how to use it, until you’ve learnt to let it go.
trialia asked about Moth (Firefly, Inara/River preslash, PG-13)This was such an interesting ficlet to write; new fandom, new genre. I don’t know if I learned something per se, but it did remind me of two important things: 1. I really should write female characters more, 2. I really love writing characters who are insane/drunk/both, something about the freedom to twist mental processes and mix everything up until it makes sense to select few. This remains one of the fics I’m most proud of in terms of language.
My interpretation of River is almost like a flipside of what I said about Sam. River is very clearly not in control of her mind or her body. She is as surprised by what she knows, what she can do, as anyone else. I think she wants that control back, but unlike Sam she’s not trying to force it. In many ways she’s resigned to wait. I don’t mean that she’s a victim, far from it. I simply think that River seems to understand that she can’t fight it. That if she just waits, tries to minimise the collateral damage and fit in around the crew, then one day she’ll blink and turn the corner and all the pieces will slip back into place like they were never torn apart to begin with.
zeitheist asked about if you are the rhyme and i the refrain (Robin Hood, Much/Robin, NC-17)I broke myself a little with this fic. It was supposed to be straightforward tree!porn, but as usual I can’t write PWP without other stuff infringing on my porn. So it became about love, about the pain love turns to when it’s impossible. Bruises keep things safe, hurt makes the love justifiable. The thing I learned from this story is that no matter how much I love reading shmoopy fics with happy endings, in my heart of hearts I don’t believe Robin and Much will ever have one. Theirs is a relationship burdened with too much hurt, too many restrictions and sacrifices and choices that never were choices to begin with. The coda that I wrote for this fic (Ceasura) is a realistic ending for me, but sadly, in canon, I think Much will not have the strength to let Robin go.
sadiane asked about The One With The Scratches (but Absolutely, Definitely, Positively No Talking) (Supernatural, anywhere_road ‘verse, Andy/Ash, PG-13)This is a tricky one to answer... Because if I start to talk about all the things that didn’t make it to this story (but might do to others) or I wondered about, I may never stop.
anywhere_road is a lovechild of zeitheist and I, and the rumours of its abandonment have been vastly exaggerated. I’ll be reccing it properly at not too distant future, but those interested should run, not walk, to Play Hearts, Kid immediately. Anyway, one of the most fascinating things about Andy and Ash and their relationship as we’ve written it in the ‘verse is how it develops. Because they’re doing things almost backwards. Within five weeks of meeting each other, Ash uses sex (and a lot of Tequila, which meant they didn’t really get that far) to essentially seduce Andy into becoming a hunter and embarking on a crazy dangerous adventure with him, when really all he would have had to do was ask. Because it’s not like Andy had other plans, he didn’t have a home anymore, he had nothing, and here Ash was offering something long-term, something permanent, a partnership, a place to belong to. And just because that place happened to be the driver’s seat of his own van, next to a redneck stoner who may or may not be a certifiable genius, wasn’t a reason to say no. In fact, and Andy will deny this if you ask him, it might have actually made the offer more tempting.
And before they knew it, they were on the road, fighting evil (with varying success), living in closed quarters and trusting each other with their lives. And really, with circumstances like that you either become friends or commit homicide early on. But somewhere at the back of their minds Ash still remembers the taste of Andy’s mouth, lime-sharp and pliant, and Andy remembers the feeling of Ash’s body over his, effortlessly pressing him against the pool table. So next time they get drunk, and a little high, Andy cocks his hip just so, just to see, and Ash leans closer than he really needs to, his thumb brushing over the bird-bone thinness of Andy’s wrist. Ash asks something that Andy can’t make sense of but answers anyway, mouth inches from Ash’s and it’s, it’s an invitation right? Ash blinks, he blinks and the room is spinning around them and when Andy catches up they’re already kissing, slow and heavy, and the carpet is disgusting, leaving burns all over Andy’s back and Ash’s knees, marks that linger for days.
So, what we’re hinting in most of the stories, what we’re trying to show without telling, is the progression of Ash and Andy’s relationship. It’s not even really about sex (except how it is) because sex is just a symptom to track the illness, how it goes from being means to an end, to something they do when they’re drunk, to something they do even when sober because they want to. How it goes from being a separate thing to being an integral part of who they are and what they mean to each other. And how it all happens without them ever really talking about it. Essentially,
anywhere_road is a story of how Andy and Ash become AndyandAsh. How two minor characters who never even met in canon, and then were summarily and unnecessarily killed off, show themselves to be worthy of an epic. Yes, we want to make you love them at least half as much as we do, but more than that we want to make you believe in them, this possibility of something more, the world we have built – a world where Andy and Ash become hunters in their own right, save people, kick evil’s ass and find a home with each other while they’re at it; a world where the story doesn’t end and the road goes ever on.You see what I meant about not being able to shut up?
***
Huh, well that killed a couple of hours. Really, my morning has been spent writing that, transferring Gossip Girl episodes (I can feel you all judging me) onto Gabatini and drinking tea. Now I'm going to go and clean the bathroom. Fuck yeah my life is interesting.
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Hee, I didn't know you even read the 'verse! How awesome! It's always so great to hear that people know about it and are hopefully enjoying it. Seriously, go check out
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I agree with you re: Much and Robin. I don't think there's a happy ending to that story. I think Robin is one of these people who is used to being beloved by all, and thus craves attention and affection (and, latterly, validation) from as many people as possible, and I don't think he's going to suddenly turn around one day and realize how much he means to Much. For all Robin's selflessness when it comes to giving up his life for the poor, he is still intrinsically selfish in ways that preclude him from being able to see Much. Likewise, as you said: I don't think Much is going to be strong enough to let him go. I also think that cutting his ties with Robin means cutting ties, essentially, with the only life he's ever really known. To put it basically: he'd have to be pretty damn pissed about something, and I think his ability to forgive Robin for the worst of crimes means he won't stay away long.
The rumours of its abandonment have been vastly exaggerated - This made me grin, as did your looooooong meta on Andy and Ash's relationship. One of the things I've always loved about them is that they really are "doin' it wrong", because they keep having sex without the relationship bit. It's such a boy thing to do. It's always hysterically funny to write Andy being all "BUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE MARRIED OR ANYTHING", as both of them awkwardly navigate around the fact that they're totally fucking devoted to each other.
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he is still intrinsically selfish in ways that preclude him from being able to see Much - yes, I don't think Robin sees Much as a person in his own right. Robin only thinks about him in relation to what he means or what he can do to Robin, i.e. servant, fighter, cook... Robin may think they are friends but you can only be friends with someone once you see them as your equal and treat them that way too. And for all his posturing about camaraderie and "we're all in this together blah blah", Robin never has.
It's always hysterically funny to write Andy being all "BUT IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE MARRIED OR ANYTHING", as both of them awkwardly navigate around the fact that they're totally fucking devoted to each other. - This here? So much YES. And exactly what I was trying to say, only so much more succinct. For me too the best part of writing these two is how they don't say it, but how their every action screams of love and lust and commitment. And the way you wrote them in Play Hearts, Kid, comfortable and intimate on one hand, yet still sort of unsure and awkward on the other... The journey there is going to be delicious
PS. I've updated the
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Robin may think they are friends but you can only be friends with someone once you see them as your equal and treat them that way too. - This. So much this. I can never work out if this is something the show deliberately keeps in the background, or if it's something accidental that we're picking up, but Much has never been shown as Robin's equal. I think that reading gives the Robin-Kate relationship a bit of a seedy undertone, because there's a suggestion that Robin doesn't respect Much enough to take his "claim" on Kate into account. I've always been a little bit discomforted by the lingering undertones of the master-servant relationship between Robin and Much, tbh, because it makes me uncomfortable that Robin doesn't seem to recognize him as a person. (I also suspect that Much isn't the only one clinging to the familiar framework of his old life, but that's another meta for another day).
And exactly what I was trying to say, only so much more succinct. - I think what you're trying to say is "... only with added swearing". (I may be more succinct, but I was also a lot less intellectual about it). I have to say, I love that Andy only ever uses his powers in Play Hearts, Kid to protect Ash - that wasn't even deliberate on my part, but it says a lot about what Ash means to Andy, that he's willing to do the unthinkable to protect him.
Aw, really? Thank you so much! ♥
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