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EUROVISION!!
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Where are we again? Oh Rotterdam. Lot of meaningful (and queer af thanks Dutch) montage of reunions. . But honestly, who can be cynical about Eurovision? Not me.
Starting with some Bananarama to see us through the introductions. I like the dancers in their cubes. That's an outfit on the Greece singer. Presenters looking swish, liked the blue dress.
And Finland got through the semis for the first time in aaaaaaaaaaaages. Bringing up the metal beat.
Oh, they released the dancers.
Ahaha, what is going on with Italy, I approve.
There's a lot of boob tape happening.
***
Right. We had a recap and I had a wee, and now we're back for the interval acts. A heart-warming tale of music binding us. Orchestra in a tram... Oh wait, it lights up the whole bridge. Trams in here don't do that. Apparently the performer is 'world famous' but I don't know anything about a popular music scene so... *shrugs* Multigenre dance party on a bridge. Like I would join.
Titanium aerobics class? Again, would join. That's a lot of money they just shot up in the fireworks.
Another recap. More wine for me.
Obligatory comic relief, and montage of prep and backstage. I do like how excited all the performers are.
Carpool karaoke? Didn't get ABBA in the car though did they. Lol on the Lordi masks.
Aww, the audience recaps were pretty sweet.
I'm convinced that the Finnish and Italian groups would be partying together if it was allowed. I still enjoyed the shot of the Finnish boi fellating a beer bottle. As you do. Carry on.
And a third recap.
Rooftop parties! These are fucking adorable, especially the old timers. Once in Eurovision fam, always in Eurovision fam. I have to say that Lena looks a bit tense. Lordi rocked though.
Oh okay, I think they are allowed to mingle in the green room. Makes sense. They would've had to have been cleared for the traditional post-show orgy.
Duncan's new song is, I'm afraid, forgettable.
Omg do we have finally have the votes. Aww, the dancers making numbers was smoothly done.
Okay jury points... Juries seem to like Switzerland. And France, which, out of those two, is my favourite. Apart for that we have the usual local voting. UK being nil poi is funny every year. Also, I think they should kids do the points for all the countries because that tips the shenanigans from annoying to adorable.
Finland is still in the top ten, which is a good result so if we stay there to the end it's better than we've done in a long time.
Omg this is loooooooooooong. Some random voting.
Right, finally some popular votes.
Gonna run out of laptop battery before we get the winner but absolutely fascinating concentration of public votes.
OKAY YES ITALY! I'M HAPPY WITH THIS RESULT. The pretty drummer having a full blown mental shutdown from shock was adorable. And the singer wears his collar very prettily.
***
Where are we again? Oh Rotterdam. Lot of meaningful (and queer af thanks Dutch) montage of reunions. . But honestly, who can be cynical about Eurovision? Not me.
Starting with some Bananarama to see us through the introductions. I like the dancers in their cubes. That's an outfit on the Greece singer. Presenters looking swish, liked the blue dress.
And Finland got through the semis for the first time in aaaaaaaaaaaages. Bringing up the metal beat.
Oh, they released the dancers.
Ahaha, what is going on with Italy, I approve.
There's a lot of boob tape happening.
***
🇨🇾 Cyprus / Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo: She looks cold, please someone give her a jumper. I was promised a party track and the chorus is kinda catchy but in general this left me cold. Though the lady can move her hips so there is that. Groan on the coy over the shoulder look at the end.
🇦🇱 Albania / Anxhela Peristeri - Karma: She also needs a jumper and those silver panties do not look comfortable. However, the staging is amazing, I love the coloured smoke. She looks like enjoys crushing men under her heel and I appreciate that in a woman. And she can certainly sing. And at least it was in Albanian.
🇮🇱 Israel / Eden Alene - Set Me Free: I love her hair and the song actually is super catchy. But given the politics there's not a chance in hell it's going to score as highly as that note she hit.
🇧🇪 Belgium / Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place: A very different vibe for sure. Am reminded of some kind of Cold War era club scene, very 80s, very European. Like someone slept with the an enemy agent and the sex wasn't even worth it. I enjoyed.
🇷🇺 Russia / Manizha - Russian Woman: Well anyone who is getting shit in Russia for being too outspoken about women, I'm a fan. Amazing entrance. Oh, oh, but this is CLEVER. Using very traditional Russian symbolism and musical beats for a message about power of women. I'm not surprised they hate her in the Duma. GOOD FOR HER. Loved the videos of all the women.
🇲🇹 Malta / Destiny - Je Me Casse: Okay, she HOT. But feel a bit dirty cos she also 18. But an excellent voice. And, yeah, I'm staring at those thighs, ngl.
🇵🇹 Portugal / The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side: Now we're in a very different club. I liked the vibe visually but I'm afraid the song and the singer's voice make me just cringe. I like his hat? Average cruise ship performance?
🇷🇸 Serbia / Hurricane - Loco Loco: More statuesque womenses. Lot of posing. A LOT of hair. At least these skimpy outfits are black instead silver, which makes a change. But anyone who can do that much of booty shaking in those boots gets my respect so. I'm honestly getting the same sympathetic anxiety as I watch students in high heels walking on cathedral's ancient and very uneven floors...
🇬🇧 United Kingdom / James Newman - Embers: He seems like the kind of guy who would be fun to have a drink. However... WTF IS THIS THING HE'S WEARING THO? It's like a pleather nightie. Also the song is... Okay, but forgettable.
🇬🇷 Greece / Stefania - Last Dance: THAT OUTFIT. I... Not only is there a boob window, but there's an... upper stomach window? And a back window. The songs is sort of catchy and staging is... purple. I like purple. This is the best I can offer here. I have hiccups and I haven't even had any alcohol for many hours.
🇨🇭 Switzerland / Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers: Oh a pretty boy in a sparkly shirt and high-waisted trousers. He's top of his class at drama school and fucked at least three of his professors, all different genders. Not for grades, you understand, but for the Drama. And I can respect that. Great voice. GREAT DRAMA.
🇮🇸 Iceland / Da∂i Freyr og Gagnamagni∂ - 10 Years: It's true, THEY WERE ROBBED LAST YEAR. This is fucking adorable and I want to hang out with them all. LOOK AT THEM CURVY KEYTARS. THAT JOING TOGETHER LIKE A TRANSFORMER, AMAZING. And song is just so sweet, about being with someone for many years and still finding them fascinating.
🇪🇸 Spain / Blas Cantó - Voy A Querdarme: Nice voice. Bonus points for not singing in English. I like the Moon? Would have that as a garden ornament. Is that possible?
🇲🇩 Moldova / Natalia Gordienko - SUGAR: More silver. Also her face looks painfully rigid. Them's very heterosexual backing dancers, that's all I'm saying.
🇩🇪 Germany / Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate: That's some giant fingering right on the stage. Hand job? I... just too many puns, too little time. .... .... .... Not quite sure where to even go with this one. It's perky as fuck. He has a great career ahead of his as a children's presenter? I'm expecting a giant felt hand to turn up in some kind of perverted kink art before the week is over.
🇫🇮 Finland / Blind Channel - Dark Side: CRYING FROM LAUGHTER EMOJI. This is how we raise up them good bois in Finland. Look at these adorable head bangers, dark and edgy on stage, chopping up firewood for their granny's sauna in the weekend, eating cinnamon buns, respecting their mothers. So catchy though. They could do well. I hope they're prepared for the fanfic. Actually, I hope they never find out about the fandom contingent that latches on the Nordic/German metal bands and makes them touch each other. Sometimes in the sauna which, if you were wondering, IS WRONG.
🇧🇬 Bulgaria / Victoria - Growing Up is Getting Old: People I'm watching this with have chosen this song as the opportune moment for toilet and 'getting snacks' break. The words 'Billie Eilish wannabe' were uttered. And yeah, it's not setting my heart on fire either.
🇱🇹 Lithuania / The Roop - Discoteque: Is it... They look like the Right Side Fred? I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS DICOTEQUE? I like this! Kooky. Very gay. Very Eurovision. I would cuddle with the guy in the shorts and boots. And then maybe we would get drunk and kiss but like as a queer art protest idk.
🇺🇦 Ukraine / Go_A - Shum: The lead singer looks like Trinity from Eastern European imagined folky Matrix. There's something very frost punk about this song and performance and I'm into it. Yeah. Liked.
🇫🇷 France / Barbara Pravi - Voilà: And now we're in a Parisian cafe. To be fair, it's probably still Cold War. Or maybe the actual war. Pretty basque. Great voice. I would make it past the enemy lines to drag my weary and wounded body to collapse in the corner table and believe that victory was possible. Yeah. Really great performance.
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan / Efendi - Mata Hari: Keeping up with the spy theme, the song feels oddly familiar. I'm enjoying the iconography. Yeah, good.
🇳🇴 Norway / TIX - Fallen Angel: Shout out to Graham Norton for making a Good Omens pun. Anyway, what we have here... is some demons and angels in chains. I mean. Absolutely into it. Quite meh about the song though.
🇳🇱 The Netherlands (Hosts) / Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age: Excellent moustache. And a much deeper voice than I somehow expected. Liked the song and the background dancing was excellent. Probably because they brought some actual dancers?
🇮🇹 Italy / Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni: Moar metal! Rawr. This a different flavour of metal though. More skin, more makeup, more platform boots but it also FUCKING ROCKS. I don't know if they're prepared for the fanfic but they also should be.
🇸🇪 Sweden / Tusse - Voices: Oh I am digging the fingerless velvet gloves. This is an incredibly competent performance. Singer's voice reminded me a bit of Tracy Chapman.
🇸🇲San Marino / Senhit - Adrenalina: Well. I'm surprised that this is the only act that has gone with the masked aesthetic. And. Uh. We have Flo Rida in biker shorts doing back up. I shit thee not. What's the world coming to?
***
***
Right. We had a recap and I had a wee, and now we're back for the interval acts. A heart-warming tale of music binding us. Orchestra in a tram... Oh wait, it lights up the whole bridge. Trams in here don't do that. Apparently the performer is 'world famous' but I don't know anything about a popular music scene so... *shrugs* Multigenre dance party on a bridge. Like I would join.
Titanium aerobics class? Again, would join. That's a lot of money they just shot up in the fireworks.
Another recap. More wine for me.
Obligatory comic relief, and montage of prep and backstage. I do like how excited all the performers are.
Carpool karaoke? Didn't get ABBA in the car though did they. Lol on the Lordi masks.
Aww, the audience recaps were pretty sweet.
I'm convinced that the Finnish and Italian groups would be partying together if it was allowed. I still enjoyed the shot of the Finnish boi fellating a beer bottle. As you do. Carry on.
And a third recap.
Rooftop parties! These are fucking adorable, especially the old timers. Once in Eurovision fam, always in Eurovision fam. I have to say that Lena looks a bit tense. Lordi rocked though.
Oh okay, I think they are allowed to mingle in the green room. Makes sense. They would've had to have been cleared for the traditional post-show orgy.
Duncan's new song is, I'm afraid, forgettable.
Omg do we have finally have the votes. Aww, the dancers making numbers was smoothly done.
Okay jury points... Juries seem to like Switzerland. And France, which, out of those two, is my favourite. Apart for that we have the usual local voting. UK being nil poi is funny every year. Also, I think they should kids do the points for all the countries because that tips the shenanigans from annoying to adorable.
Finland is still in the top ten, which is a good result so if we stay there to the end it's better than we've done in a long time.
Omg this is loooooooooooong. Some random voting.
Right, finally some popular votes.
Gonna run out of laptop battery before we get the winner but absolutely fascinating concentration of public votes.
OKAY YES ITALY! I'M HAPPY WITH THIS RESULT. The pretty drummer having a full blown mental shutdown from shock was adorable. And the singer wears his collar very prettily.
***