Hmm. I am not going to kick you. Nor am I going to chain you to your computer. I am, however, going to take up residence in your ceiling, and then proceed to be as creepy and unnerving as I can until you give in and write these.

(I particularly like the sound of 'Almost Never'. Can I get a little plot overview, or shall I just drill a hole in the ceiling and stare at you until you write it?)