almost like... he knows all the words to that play even if this isn't exactly his part. Exactly. It's not his preference. But he's too good of a guy, and way too experienced in the scene to let someone loose to the jackals. He feels too much responsibility to the world he found a home in, so he eschews his preference - and hey if that act of selflessness, of sacrifice attracts the kind of Top who might not look twice in his direction otherwise, all the better.

It's like he wants to throw himself off the cliff just to have someone see him, to have someone care enough to catch him. oh, holy hell you nailed that one. just to have someone see him. The vulnerability, the risk, all worth it to count, to be counted as worthy by someone.


Because Pete is not a player, he would only hit the scene because that's the only way he could think to get what he needs. But what he would get is the physical side of things sure, but that's only the surface and he would crave more and more. I can totally see him escalating into some pretty dangerous edge-play looking for something...it's much more fundamental to his personality. Here is where I do my fair share of nodding. And the reality is with bottoms like him, he doesn't need the intensity of the blows or the risk, he needs respite. To be stripped to his core, past all the posturing and self-consciousness, led out to his emotional edge, experience the purging of his mental demons, and then the careful rebuilding of his center. That takes time and patience and confidence and, well, not a little bit of commitment

Spencer and Ryan intrigue me too. Especially, how I think Ryan would absolutely be terrified of too much pleasure, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so he'd try to (devious is a good word) push Spencer into using him, mistreating him, abusing him and be totally confounded by the gentle strength that withstood his manipulation.

Oh, boys. And can I just say, for the record. Gerard? Totally tops other guys, only bottoms to women or genderqueer folk. On principle.