smallhobbit: (Default)
[personal profile] smallhobbit
I hadn't been sure whether to see this play, given the hassle of getting to London and being out all day, but SM was going out, and I wasn't going to the theatre this month, so I decided to buy a ticket.  I was right about the hassle.  My train was cancelled - at least I found out the day before, so I didn't get to the station to find I had to wait an hour.  And GWR still haven't managed to add an extra carriage to a two carriage train which has to convey two lots of passengers, so the first part of the journey was cramped by the end.  At least I had a seat for the journey - having complained on Twitter.  It appears GWR are launching a new advertising campaign to encourage people to travel by train - I'd be more inclined to if I thought their 'Great Adventure' wouldn't be 'is there going to be a train'.

I had planned to go to the V&A to see a couple of their exhibits, but with the loss of an hour I changed plans and went to Leighton House instead.  There was an interesting exhibition of paintings by Lawrence Alma-Tedema (no, I hadn't heard of him either) and a beautiful Arab room in the house.  So that was worth doing, after which I walked through Holland Park from the Kensington High Street end towards Notting Hill Gate, to go to the Print Room at the Coronet to see the play.

Trouble in Mind was written by Alice Childress, an African-American playwright, in 1955.  It concerns an actress who challenges the racial stereotypes she is always given to portray.  Although set in 1955 it remains very relevant as regards racism, and those who believe themselves not to be racist, and yet unconsciously still maintain certain attitudes.

The attraction of the play for me was Jonathan Slinger, who played Al Manners the director of the play within a play.  In addition Tanya Moodie, who was Gertrude in last year's RSC Hamlet, plays the main actress Wiletta Mayer.  The whole cast was excellent, and the play was thoughtprovoking without being heavy.

The theatre was about two-thirds full.  It's not a place I'd heard of before, and outside the usual theatre haunts of most people, but I understand ticket bookings have gone up with some good reviews (which it deserves).  It's only on until 14 October, but one to bear in mind.
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
That was the last line of my horoscope this morning, and I really like it.

I'm up early because Pat is going bicycling. But I have no obligations today. That is rare for me. There's usually something that I have scheduled, or that must be done. Instead I find myself with the morning alone and nothing required.

Whatever shall I do?

I had a lovely lunch with my friend Patti. It was good to catch up. We hadn't seen each other in a long while.

I heard about her trip to New Jersey to see her grandson, and how they had fared through the storm. They lost power for five days. Otherwise they did pretty well. I'm glad.

I took another long nap yesterday afternoon. I just feel really tired this weekend. I think that it's a combination of a hard work week, hard boxing lesson, and I'm still processing shit from my mother's death. I have had multiple dreams which she appears in.

The human brain is a weird thing, and the heart no different.
apiphile: (maurice)
[personal profile] apiphile
A GOOD THING: I tried the thing the internet suggested where you ask for an Americano with pumpkin spice syrup and then you get the joy a PSL without having to forfeit any other food that day. It worked.

A BAD THING: I think my expensive leggings went missing in the post.

A GOOD THING: That rockpool salad was straight up fucking incredible and jellyfish are not a scary food

A BAD THING: I cannot stop googling rent-on-your-own prices and I literally cannot afford to live, on my wage, even within commuting distance of my job, from outside of London, even WITHOUT FACTORING IN the additional cost of travel.

A GOOD THING: Obsessive Googling has led me to work out a cycle route to work that won't involve too much uphill on the way home (assuming I can actually get my bike down, which won't be until the builders have fucked off) and am not too petrified by London traffic on the way in. I can indeed use the remaining time to get myself in shape on the spinner to be able to handle 32km in one day.

A BAD THING: I am a fucking human scream made of directionless anxiety. WHY WON'T IT STOP. WHY WON'T IT STOP. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM.

I have a pretty damn good life.

Sep. 23rd, 2017 11:10 am
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
Yesterday I went to get my hip beaten on. It keeps it from being a ball of pain, and I'm really grateful that I can get that done.

After that I was given brownies by Paayal, which are delicious. I ate two yesterday and one this morning. (I'm having lunch with a friend, which is the only reason I didn't eat more.)

Then Pat and I took a three hour nap. It was lovely.

We watched some baseball. The Tampa Bay Rays won.

Then I read a bit before bed. NO EASY DAY, which is the autobiography of one of the SEAL Team Six members who captured and killed Osama Bin Laden is very, very interesting.

This morning we slept in and then spent time just lying in bed and talking with each other. We'd still be doing that, but I needed to get up and get my e-mail and blogging done so I could head out to meet my friend, Patti, for lunch.

I may not be rich. I am certainly not famous. But I am loved, and I love, and I can have lovely days where I nap with Pat and watch baseball. Can't beat that with a stick.

(no subject)

Sep. 23rd, 2017 08:04 am
greghousesgf: (House Schroeder)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Roomie is going out for the day and I've got fuck all to do (too broke to go anywhere).

(no subject)

Sep. 23rd, 2017 01:56 am
apiphile: (not enough fart jokes)
[personal profile] apiphile
HOORAY I just fucking logicked and maths'd myself into "and that's why you should just go kill yourself".

(no subject)

Sep. 22nd, 2017 02:47 pm
greghousesgf: (Bertie ?!)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
I feel better about what I was talking about here yesterday due to my awesome friends. Still not keen on the fact that I'm too broke to do anything this weekend though.

my life isn't all coffee and witches

Sep. 22nd, 2017 08:59 pm
apiphile: (henry scott tuke)
[personal profile] apiphile
In "I'm not having a very good day" news:

1. Bad sleep thank you the builders for literally just drilling by my head all morning
2. Weigh-in day went badly in that I've managed to fucking gain back over a kilo in a week despite adhering to diet and doing the monster cardio so I FEEL JUST *GREAT* ABOUT MYSELF THANKS
3. Split lips
4. Despite good weather & breakfast even post-warm-up my workout faltered on the crosstrainer, my legs just would not DO what I wanted from them. I doubt this was much improved by being thoroughly dispirited by weigh-in. Noped out and went off to do yoga.
5. Doing maths in my head regarding budget and even if I curb the tendency to spend on frivolous crap I would not be able to afford to eat and travel every day without Linds paying me back stuff at the end of the month, which considering how little I pay him in rent is thoroughly fucking humiliating. Not really sure where to economise beyond "take busses all the time" and "savers range food and never mind how badly it fucks up your diet". Oh and of course everyone's favourites, "no more fancy coffees" and "stop going out anywhere", because you know, the £1.50 I spend on lime & soda is the problem.
6. Fatigue
7. Anyway I managed to get out of the house but due to aforementioned issues about money didn't treat myself to the paltry Costa Americano or anything else, just got a free Waitrose coffee and tried to avoid making eye contact with people on the train and failed. (A small plus: my hideous pink running shorts came. They exactly match the writing on the Dream Daddy crop. I am ready to ruin people's eyeballs with this outfit as soon as I can go somewhere in it).
8. Arrived at work: immediately had someone on one social media feeding me the "London is a terrible concrete hell and my rent is much cheaper" line (I'm sure it is, much as the rent in prison is notoriously cheap, but I CANNOT GO ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND I NEED CONSTANT STIMULATION OR I GO MAD); someone on another social media decided my advice to a friend was for her and huffed at me about it, then about eighty people on Tumblr put my back up.
9. Small bonus: managed to write more garbage for Liza. Learned that the World's End pub in Camden used to be the Old Mother Red Cap, named after the excellent Mother Damnable, Jinney Bingham, a wonderfully cursed woman who was immediately dubbed a witch and a murderer.
10. "SEMEN is thought to have been pumped into a soap dispensary in Detroit airport and used by passengers."

I'm... clearly not having the worst of all possible days since no one has decided to jizz in the soap.

Happy Birthday, EMPEROR!

Sep. 22nd, 2017 07:08 am
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer

(Sorry, I don't know how to do name/link/thingies on DW.)

Pat being home is the best.

Sep. 22nd, 2017 07:08 am
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
So just as I was really missing him, Pat came home. It was really nice to get a text from him shortly after I got home saying he was at Walmart picking something up and then on his way to the house.

He showed up with pizza, and we ate and relaxed together. Just yakking about our weeks.

SO nice.

Boxing was HARD. I learned a new exercise - fish out of water. You lie on your stomach and lift your hands and head up, and your legs and feet up - and while keeping them up, you raise and lower your hands in conjunction with spreading your feet apart and putting them back together. This exercise is evil.

OMG, I was exhausted.

Also, once again, I sucked on shadow boxing. DAMMIT!

Work was insane, and the boss was back from vacation, which did not make it easier. (grin) I love the woman, but she's like a tornado of energy, and I would have preferred a soft summer breeze of relaxation.
apiphile: (maurice)
[personal profile] apiphile
who i wish i was:

reads in cafes for FUN instead of desperately trying to shovel research material into his easily-distracted face; experiences emotions about movies then doesn't immediately get angry about having them; goes to classes & talks a lot and gets to meet new people and do cool stuff; goes to more parties and clubs; is good at making new friends; does not centre his entire life around writing one book a year and his calorie intake; is better-dressed; eats whatever the fuck he wants; learns and retains new skills

who i am:

broke; punishingly shy & filled with self-loathing; entire self-worth hinges on fuckability (none) and overachieving volume of writing & quality of writing despite managing neither; fat & obsessed with that fact; incapable of going to any social event alone unless very very primed for that already; gets stuck in ruts all the time; refuses to add people on fb or other social media after meeting them at parties even when they ask me like 90 times and even fucking give me business cards with their fb profile on pointedly because they "really liked hanging out" like oh you fucking idiot i am a neurotic bag of screams and i never shut up; never sleeps properly; resents everything; eating disorder

Tumblr tags:

#this post brought to you today by not being able to sign up to a bookbinding class#because it was too expensive#i s2g when i actually manage to go to classes i enjoy them?#i do... have a very bad habit of trying to avoid people i've met via social situations#even if i really like them#i just feel like a fraaaauuuuuud and they'll FIND ME OUT#and realise that i'm both boring and COMPLETELY INSANE

(no subject)

Sep. 21st, 2017 09:19 pm
apiphile: (did it on purpose)
[personal profile] apiphile
Working through something creative - I don't care how pretentious this sounds - and reached the conclusion that actually despite the obnoxiously loud voices suggesting otherwise, it isn't actually MY JOB to push myself to create stories that I resent making & feel forced into. There are definitely social issues and experiences I want to explore which lie outside of my own immediate sphere but there are also limitations on how far I should bend to satisfy - there are always other writers writing who you can and should support if they're giving you what you want - and one thing I primarily know, having explored it very thoroughly both recently (Soft Inheritance) and longer ago (The Other Daughter, Tame, ASAH) with a number of stories is that with a couple of exceptions (The Grandmother Virus and the weird science body swap story) I don't want to or feel happy with writing female protagonists as the main voice of a novel any more. It's not my story & it's close to one that feels like entrapment for me.

I know a lot of cis women readers want to see themselves in fiction in a widely expanded variety of roles & stories and I wholeheartedly support it (and read it), I'm just not the person to provide it. I'm here to write damaged boys, some of whom are gonna be trans, some Gods, some disabled, some not the same race as my pasty white ass - but they're probably going to be boys.


Did an exercise. - caption involves a remark about calorie information so if you want to avoid specific numbers don't click

{I'm exhausted and want this week to be over, and I want to have the time to write stupid fic and also to actually do more work for the book and I want to stop fucking things up and I want to, especially, settle on one fucking consistent and pleasantly warm body temperature and have my GARBAGE CORPSE stick to it instead of either sweating or shivering, also fuck chest pains and especially fuck being dizzy and confused so much of the time).

(no subject)

Sep. 21st, 2017 12:22 pm
greghousesgf: (Jeeves Awesome)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
My life sucks. I shouldn't have gone to the dumb weight loss class last night. it started out good, I lost a pound, but then came the class itself. They are putting much too much emphasis on looks instead of health. there was a lot of talk about how everyone has some sort of purpose in life and I sure don't know what the fuck mine is. There was a lot of talk about "be there for your family and your job". Well, I am a financial burden to my family and I've failed at every job I've ever had.

I miss Pat.

Sep. 21st, 2017 07:24 am
wpadmirer: (Default)
[personal profile] wpadmirer
He's been gone since Monday, and I realized last night that I miss having him home. I'm kind of wandering around in the evenings. I read a bit. Watch stupid tv. I actually said out loud, if something happened to Pat I would have to own a dog. Seriously. I need company that loves me.

It probably hasn't helped that work has been crazy. I was told by a friend at work yesterday that one of the employees she supervises was having trouble with her monitor, and the first thing she said was "I'll call Sarah. She can fix it." She said that she stopped her and said, "No, you'll try to fix it yourself, and I'll help you. Sarah doesn't need to be called for every little thing."

Bless her!

I did manage to talk to two people who applied for the maintenance position. I've left messages for two others. Don't know if I'll hear, but we'll see. I'd like to have at least three for interviews.

This afternoon I have boxing lessons. Hopefully I will do better today than I did on Tuesday. I was hopeless on Tuesday.
apiphile: (i hate that thing you love)
[personal profile] apiphile in [community profile] derekpoetrydump
Like Father, Not Sun

In wild disarray I face the eternal fire,
Drenched in waxen sweat and love's bright tears,
And still the flickering flames cry, "Go higher."

Our situation once seemed deathly dire,
Trapped in pater-built prison for years,
But still the flickering flames cried, "Go higher."

And wings were fashioned without nail or wire,
By my self-same father, diverting fate's gears,
So in wild disarray I might face the eternal fire -

Though he bid me without cease, do not tire
Of telling me I should not rise: he spoke his fears,
And still the flickering flames cried, "Go higher."

It is parents' way to grip and grouse 'til they expire
That sons should be like their own yesteryears,
And not in wild disarray face the eternal fire.

Please, my sainted father, I say, bend your ears
Listen how the rising golden god sends his cheers
As in wild disarray I face the eternal fire
And still his flickering flames cry, "Icarus, go higher."

Icon appropriate for once

Sep. 21st, 2017 12:53 am
apiphile: (the trick)
[personal profile] apiphile
Y'know just in case people think I go into the gym or into NaNo with a spring in my step and joy in my heart: I am as filled with hate as everyone else for grinding away at things that are difficult, and there is no point in asking me what my "tactic" is, my tactic is just bullying and refusing to let myself go anywhere until I've done the thing I have said I'm doing. Effectively I use the "tactic" my mother used on me as a child, minus the bugs and the physical pain.

It's kind of depressing to see it touted as "self-discipline" or "self-control". I hold myself prisoner because I don't know how to motivate myself with positivity. I don't think there's anything particularly heartening about that.

(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 10:37 pm
apiphile: (a story where you go eat a dick)
[personal profile] apiphile
I will spare you the amount of my day that was eaten up by thoughts about either working out or gay airmen.

This recent PewdiePie thing (Google it if you're not already fucking aware) made me think a long time about what my own knee-jerk insults in the heat of anger reveal about me; certainly I've never resorted to racism even in the confines of my own head and I feel like it's mainly because it was so alien when I was forming myself; my own insecurities are the foundation of my worst automatic rage-insults & they're not especially surprising: stupid, fat, lazy, pointless - things which demonstrate unloveability which is wholly self-inflicted due to delusion or lack of effort. I think it's probably a common fear.

More Disaster Relief Links

Sep. 21st, 2017 07:38 am
wendelah1: words: Always be a little kinder than necessary (Always be a little kinder than necessary)
[personal profile] wendelah1
Because the hits just keep coming. Give what you can, if you can.

Fundraiser by St. John's Rescue: St. John Victims of Hurricane Irma. This is an island-based charity and rescue group.

Harvey HELP is a fundraiser started by educators for their college students who've affected by Hurricane Harvey in order to provide grants to help keep them in school. It hasn't attracted much attention, sadly.

21 US Virgin Island's Relief Fund is the fundraiser organized by former San Antonio Spurs star, Tim Duncan.

Hurricane Irma and Maria Relief for the Caribbean:

Catholic Charities USA

Global Giving

Save the Children


Habitat for Humanity of Puerto Rico was mentioned in an interview on MSNBC by a government official, name unremembered.

This made me remember that Habitat for Humanity helps low income people build houses all over the world, including the USA.

Habit for Humanity of Florida. This site has info for victims, too.

Huston Habitat for Humanity.

From, here is a long list of places to donate for Mexico.
Here’s How You Can Help Mexico Earthquake Victims. It includes the usual suspects as well as some local organizations.

And since I'm an Episcopalian and a "socialist," here is a link for Episcopal Relief and Development.

(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 02:13 pm
greghousesgf: (Nut House)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had a great time with my friends yesterday. :)


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